Scolding | AdventAI

The Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Jan 26, 1864

Scolding.

Do not scold. It does no good. Not that you should not upbraid, reprove, or condemn. Scolding refers to the manner and spirit of speaking, not to what you say. The same words that, uttered in one way would give pain, spoken in another would give pleasure. You may reprove, yet in meekness—upbraid, yet kindly—condemn, and do it in pity. Scolding indicates anger, impatience, irritation, contempt and ignorance of one's self. It is nature uncultivated. It partakes of the low, savage and barbarous.

As low and degrading as it is, it manifests itself too often in what is regarded as cultivated and refined society, and even in the religious. Ministers sometimes scold at their people, and think it faithfulness; yes, and there has been seen anger and madness while pouring out the vials of wrath on the heads of the wicked. If the people are not devoid of common sense, they should not be scolded, they should be reasoned with,—if they are, they should be borne with patiently. When ministers scold, they prove themselves in a low spiritual condition! How would they like to have their people scold at them?

Parents frequently scold at their children, husbands to their wives, wives to their husbands, masters and mistresses to their servants, employers to the employed, teachers to their scholars, editors and correspondents to their readers, and thus on through all the relations of life.

Many a woman has had her heart broken by the rough words of her husband, and many a man has sunk in despondency and has lost his mind by the snappish, waspish temper of his wife. Children have become discouraged by being chided often by their parents, when perhaps the parent's spirit has caused in their children that which they so severely condemn. Parents transmit to their children their own temper, and they can see in the conduct of their children a proof of the truth of God's word,—"visiting the iniquities of the fathers upon their children."

Children are pained when chided. They feel keenly the unnatural manner of their treatment, and yet, such is the force of example, that when they grow up, instead of being corrected by what they have seen and suffered, fall into the habit of their parents.

Time and space would fail me to tell all the evils which grow out of the habit of scolding. It is of itself an evil deeply felt, which should at once be overcome, especially by professed Christians. This may be done effectually by observing the following things:

1. Resolve that you will ever speak in a gentle and pleasant manner. Your will has great power over your words, which you may exercise as you are disposed.

2. Speak in a low tone of voice. Loud words excite anger, both in yourselves and others. Words spoken very low will calm yourself and others, if your pent up feelings seem ready to burst out into flames of rage. Try it, ye hasty ones.

3. Ascertain your own manner of speaking, for you may scold or wound when you may not intend it. Perhaps such a wrong manner of speaking may spring from a diseased body, or from earnestness of will. If you are not unkind, you should guard against seeming so, for in either case you give pain.

4. When your children ask the reason of commands, tell them, if it be proper, but if not, tell them so. Tell them there is a reason, and avoid giving them the impression that you are acting simply from your own arbitrary will.

5. Consider when you see others' faults, and have provocations to anger, your own forgetfulness, mistakes and infirmities, and ask, before your feelings find expression, how you would like to be treated as you are tempted to treat them. And never forget that we excite in others the same spirit we ourselves exercise. Rather excuse than censure the faults which you see, and encourage to do better next time; for we do a great deal better by praise than blame.

6. Those whose prerogative it is, should give commands in a dignified manner, and generally in the form of a question. Thus, if you say to a servant, "Will you please to do this?" you put him on his dignity, and he is seemingly granting you a favor, but really obeying your commands.

Beautiful and pleasant are the families where kind words are the rule. Sad and exceedingly repulsive, where the members snap and snarl at each other. It is said that "a thing of beauty is a joy forever." Opposite,—a thing of ugliness is a grief forever. Kindness and love will make the face of ugly features radiant with beauty, while a face of the most beautiful features grows dark and fiendish by scolding.—Herald of Gospel Liberty.