My Condition by James White

The Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Nov 7, 1865

My Condition.

By James White

A TERRIBLE blow has fallen upon me, from the results of which I am still a great sufferer. On the 16th of August I was stricken with partial paralysis, which shocked my brain, and caused my right hand to fall by my side destitute of feeling and strength. And although this stroke did not take me from my feet, it terribly shocked my nerves.

At first I could command but one word in the English language, namely, pray. This I could speak to my wife and the Christian friends present. After a short season of prayer, I could raise my arm with ease, but could not move my fingers. In a few days, however, these began to return to their usual condition, and have been nearly as natural as those on the other hand.

For three weeks I was confined to my bed, nearly all the time a great sufferer from extreme nervousness, want of sleep, excessive sweating, and then chills. During this time I lost fifteen pounds of flesh. The care and attention I received day and night from Bro. U. Smith and wife, Bro. Amadon and wife, Bro. M. J. Cornell and wife, my own family, especially my dear wife, was most tender and kind. Other dear friends of the church manifested a most Christian and liberal interest for my welfare. May God bless all these dear friends, and if I am not able to compensate them here, may they find a reward in Heaven to be bestowed on them by the Lord for their care for his suffering servant.

Since I have been at "Our Home" I have taken rather heroic treatment. This, with loss of sleep, and my extreme nervous condition, has reduced me in weight and strength. This is said to be necessary to a permanent restoration. Since my sickness I have lost in all about twenty-five pounds.

I have enjoyed many free and happy seasons of prayer with those who have prayed with me and for me, and on the day appointed for fasting and prayer in my behalf, was very happy, hopeful, and free in the Lord. I enjoy with my faithful wife three seasons of prayer each day, that God in his own good time will raise me to health.

During my sickness I have been examining my life closely. I thank God that the best of my life has been spent in his service. But in the stormy trials of the past, since I have been connected with the cause of present truth, I see that I have not always trusted in God as I should have done, and drawn from him that rich grace which would have been sufficient to have filled me with consolation every hour. False-hearted men have grieved me, and I have too often cherished a feeling of murmuring against them. This has cast a gloom over my own spirit, when if I had endured the trials as I should have done I might have enjoyed the sunlight of Heaven.

In order to enter Heaven I must be an overcomer, and if my present afflictions are designed of the Lord to refine me as gold, and prepare me for greater usefulness here, and the rich reward of the overcomer hereafter, I should kiss the rod which has smitten me. From the very depths of my soul I can say, The Lord doeth all things well. I expect that God will hear the prayers of his people and raise me up. Self and wife hopefully join with the thousands of dear friends who are praying for us.

I commenced to write this statement with my own hand that eleven weeks to-morrow morning fell paralyzed by my side, but my strength failed and Eld. Loughborough finishes as I in weakness dictate to him. I have no idea of entering any department of labor whatever sooner than six months from the present time. Rest is my due, and I must have it, and shall take it. For seventeen years I have labored excessively, generally seven days of each week. The number of hours that I have labored during most of my Office life, for each day, have been double what they should have been. My wife is worn as badly as myself, and with the exception of the shock I have received, is in no better condition than myself. We must have rest, and the benefit of all the means for the restoration of health available. In due time we hope to come forth with new vigor to work temperately for God. We ask all those who have faith in God, to pray in faith for our speedy restoration.

Let no one think for a moment that we shall turn aside from our purpose, even when we are raised in a degree to health, to answer their objections to what we have taught. We have done our duty in the fear of God, and leave the result with him till he in his providence leads us to the work again. In his own good time the Lord will make all these matters plain to those who have a heart to believe. Skeptics and infidels see a thousand contradictions and errors in the Bible. God don't compel them to believe, but gives the doubter the privilege of doubting at pleasure, and we never expect to be able to make all things in our past teaching so plain as to compel every professed Sabbath-keeper to believe.

Satan no doubt will think that this is a fine time to hurry on certain ones to raise and talk their doubts and make distraction if possible; these will have a chance to fulfill all the desire of their hearts in the field of doubt. We would say to the numerous friends in Iowa, God sent us in your midst last June to check the wide-sweeping rebellion and fanaticism that was raging among you. You then had evidence of the right, for which you will have to give an account. That terrible conflict did very much to bring me where I now am. I from my heart forgive the erring, and would say to the true-hearted and good in that State, we need your prayers and sympathy.

God is doing a great work for me, every day discovers to me new imperfections in my Christian life, and brings me nearer to my Saviour. My dear wife is wonderfully sustained in strength, in hope, in faith, and in courage in the Lord.

JAMES WHITE.

"Our Home," Dansville, N. Y., Oct. 31, 1865.