Biblical Guidance for Dealing with a Contentious Spouse

It is a heavy burden for a home when peace is replaced by strife, but the Bible provides clear counsel that a contentious and disrespectful spirit in a wife is a serious matter that hinders the spiritual life of the family. 🌿

The Nature of Contentiousness

A wife who is constantly "mean" or argumentative creates an environment that is compared to a persistent and irritating problem. This behavior is not merely a personality trait but a spiritual condition that kindles strife.

• A Continual Dropping: The Scripture describes the experience of living with such a spirit as being like a "continual dropping in a very rainy day" Proverbs 27:15. It is wearing and persistent.

• Kindling Strife: Just as wood is to a fire, so a contentious person is to the kindling of a conflict Proverbs 26:21.

• A Barrier to Influence: Constant talking and a positive, overbearing manner often hurt instead of healing. When one is quick to discern an advantage and "presses it home," it creates uncomfortable feelings that push others away rather than winning them to the truth.

The Standard of Respect and Love

The Bible establishes a high standard for how a wife should regard her husband, even if there are differences in opinion or judgment.

• The Law of Love: Love is the fulfillment of the law and works no ill to its neighbor Romans 13:10. This applies first and foremost within the home circle.

• Esteeming Others: We are commanded to let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in "lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves" Philippians 2:3. A wife who feels her husband's opinions are inferior is often self-deceived regarding her own wisdom.

• The Ornament of a Quiet Spirit: True value in the sight of God is found in a "meek and quiet spirit" 1 Peter 3:4. Harshness, dictatorial commands, and a haughty manner are offensive to Heaven and unfit for a home that represents Christ’s kingdom.

The Root of the Problem

Often, a quarrelsome disposition is a sign of a heart that is not fully surrendered to God.

• Separation from Christ: All discord and difference find their root in separation from Christ. As individuals draw nearer to the center—Jesus Christ—they naturally come closer together in sympathy and love James 4:1-8.

• The Danger of Self-Will: When self-will is allowed to go unrebuked, it carries over into the religious life. A person who must have their own way, regardless of whom it grieves, is not under the control of the Holy Spirit.

• A Call to Conversion: Those who possess a combative spirit are urged to "quarrel with yourself, but with no one else; and then be converted." A quarrelsome disposition will not find entrance into the city of God.

The Path to Restoration

If you are facing this trial, the remedy is a return to the simplicity of the gospel and a total surrender of the heart to God.

• Yielding Judgment: Where principles of truth are not at stake, it is often best to yield one's judgment rather than create a spirit of variance.

• Following the Example of Christ: Jesus did not retaliate when reviled Matthew 27:39-43. A consistent life, long forbearance, and a spirit unruffled under provocation are the most conclusive arguments for the power of the truth.

• Total Surrender: If the heart, soul, and strength are surrendered wholly to God, he will be made supreme in all service, and the "quarrelsome spirit ceases" (Manuscript 29, 1906; Romans 12:1-2.

May the Lord help you to seek that "peace of God, which passes all understanding" within your home Philippians 4:7. 🙏