Choosing a Life Companion with Wisdom and Care

When evaluating a potential companion, you must watch every development of character with the utmost care, ensuring that every step is marked by modesty, simplicity, and sincerityLYL 90.1+1. It is a dangerous error to believe that the affections of the young should never be disturbed or that there should be no interference in their love experiencesFE 104.1+1. You must take God and your God-fearing parents into your counsel, for slighting a mother's love or dishonoring a father's care are sins registered against the youthFE 104.1+1. Maturity of judgment is essential, as the young are often not prepared to judge the character of another, and an immature marriage can lead to bitter regrets for which afterlife brings no reliefTSB 20.1+2. One should especially beware of the "underhand" or deceptive way courtships are often conducted, as this secretiveness is a rock upon which thousands make shipwreck of their souls18MR 306.2+1. True love is an exalted, heavenly principle, but the infatuation often seen today is like a contagious disease that overthrows reason and blinds the judgmentBDOC 6.34+2. Before you link your destiny with another, you must sit down and count the cost, asking if the union will truly help you heavenward Luke 14:2817MR 357.4+1.

Let those who are contemplating marriage weigh every sentiment and watch every development of character in the one with whom they think to unite their life destiny. Let every step toward a marriage allia...— LYL 90.1 (1983)

... essential. It is a subject that is treated altogether too lightly by the great majority of people. Take God and your God-fearing parents into your counsel, young friends. Pray over the matter. Weigh every sentiment, and watch every development of character in the one with whom you think to link your life destiny. The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your life, and should not be taken hastily. While you may love, do not love blindly— FE 104.1 (1923)

... women, before you let the subject of marriage possess your thoughts. Need of Mature Judgment—Maturity of judgment will give you much better discernment and power of discrimination to know the truth. Your character needs forming, your judgment needs strength before you entertain the thought of marriage. You are not now prepared to judge of another, and do not be betrayed into committing a grievous indiscretion, if not crime, for which the bitter...— TSB 20.1 (1989)

...efully to see if that life will be happy or inharmonious and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this union help me heavenward? Will it increase my love for God? And will it enlarge my sphere for usefulness in this life? If these reflections present no drawbacks, then in the fear of God move forward. But even if an engagement has been entered into without a full understanding of the character of the one with whom you think to link your destiny, do not think that the engagement makes it a positive necessity for you to pronounce the marriage vow and link yourself for life to one whom you cannot love or respect. Be very careful how you enter into unconditional engagements, but better, far better, break the engagement before marriage than separate after marriage, as many do— 4LtMs, Lt 3, 1886, par. 22 (1883)

AH 79 A youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life. After their judgment has become more matured , they view themselves bound for life to each other and perhaps not at all calculated to make each other happy. Then, instead of making the best of their lot, recriminations take place, the breach widens, until there is settled indifference and neglect of each other. To them there is nothing sacred in the word “home.” The very atmosphere is poisoned by unloving words and bitter reproaches. ## TSB 19 I am sorry that you have entangled yourself in any courtship with Nellie A. In the first place,your anxiety upon this question is premature. Sound judgment and discretion will bid you wait for one or two years. But for you to select one to be in your mind and affections that length of time would not be prudent for you or just to the one to whom you pay your address. I speak what I know in this matter, that the very best course for you and for Nellie is to give this matter up entirely, for no good can come of it. In continuing your attentions to her, you will be unfitting yourself for your office duties and placing obstructions in your way for a thorough education and for the habits of body and mind to become settled. Even to bind your affections prematurely is doing yourself and any young lady injustice. . . . I have been shown the evil of these early attachments, especially when a young man is away from the home roof and must select his companion without the discriminating eye of his mother. It is not safe for you to trust to your own judgment. Early anxiety upon the subject of courtship and marriage will divert your mind from your work and studies, and will produce in you and the one whom you flatter with your attentions a demoralizing influence. There will be in you both a vain forwardness in manners, and infatuation will seize you both. and you will be so completely blinded in regard to your influence and example that you will, if you continue in the course you have entered upon, expose yourselves to criticism and demand that censure should be passed upon your course. This courtship and marriage is the most difficult to manage, because the mind becomes so bewildered and enchanted that duty to God and everything else becomes tame and uninteresting, and calm and mature thought is the last thing to be exercised in this matter of the gravest importance. Dear youth, I speak to you as one who knows. Wait till you have some just knowledge of yourself and of the world, of the bearing and character of young women, before you let the subject of marria...— BDOC 6.54 (2013)

...Thou shalt not steal” was written by the finger of God upon the tables of stone, yet how much underhanded stealing of affections is done and excused by finite beings! A deceptive courtship is maintained, private communications are kept up, until the affections of the daughter, who is inexperienced and...— 18MR 306.2 (1990)

The underhand way in which courtships and marriages are carried on is the cause of a great amount of misery, the full extent of which is known only to God. On this rock thousands have made shipwreck of their souls. Professed Christians, whose lives are marked with integrity, and who seem sensible upon every other subject, make fearful mistakes here. They manifest a set, determined will that reason cannot change. They become so fascinated with human feelings and impulses that they have no desire to search the ...— MYP 447.2 (1930)

...sons become acquainted; they are infatuated with each other, and their whole attention is absorbed. Reason is blinded, and judgment is overthrown. They will not submit to any advice or control, but insist on having their own way, regardless of c...— RH September 25, 1888, par. 9 (1851)