Understanding Bitterness in Marriage: Insights on Colossians 3:19

Colossians 3:19

19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

Colossians 3:19 is a divine instruction that establishes love as the governing principle of the husband's authority, specifically forbidding any spirit of bitterness or harshness toward his wife. While husbands are designated as the head of the household, they are strictly prohibited from exercising arbitrary rule or requiring a subjection that is contrary to the Scriptures10MR 20.2+1.

The Meaning of "Be Not Bitter"

Bitterness in the marriage relation often manifests as a spirit of asperity, peevishness, or resentmentNWAD ANGRY.2+1. It is a root of evil that can be prompted by Satan to estrange the hearts of a husband and wifePH011 34.1.

• Avoid Harshness: Husbands are not to be overbearing, denunciatory, or severe in their speech, as such conduct does not represent the Savior1888 1563.2+1.

• Love as Your Own Body: The husband is commanded to love his wife as his own body, cherishing her with the same tenderness Christ shows the church10MR 20.2+1.

• Dealing with Faults: Even if a husband finds his wife erring or full of faults, a bitter spirit will never remedy the evil; rather, it only creates a barrier of coldness and neglect13MR 75.1+1.

The Influence of the Home Atmosphere

The spirit a husband manifests has a profound impact on the physical and spiritual health of the entire family.

• Physical Health: A husband who constantly frets, censures, or requires his wife to labor beyond her strength to suit a vitiated taste contributes to her becoming care-worn and debilitated13MR 76.3+1.

• Effect on Children: When a father is filled with bitterness instead of being a "house-band" that binds the family together, the children may become filled with hatred and the family ties may be broken21MR 216.1.

• The Power of Kindness: Soft answers and pleasant words are far better fitted to reform and save than severity or harshnessCCh 254.3.

Walking as Christ Walked

Husbands are called to copy the divine Exemplar, Jesus Christ, who tasted every part of the bitterness that falls to humanity yet never responded with an impatient word or lookDA 88.2+1.

• Forgiveness: Just as Christ forgave us, husbands must put on bowels of mercies, kindness, and long-suffering, forbearing and forgiving their wives Colossians 3:12-13AA 477.1.

• Self-Control: Those in positions of responsibility must guard their thoughts and control their feelings, ensuring their speech is such that Heaven can approvePH155 19.1.

• United Interests: God ordained that there should be perfect love and harmony between those in the marriage relation, with the husband acting as a strong helper to his wife10MR 202.2+1.

Practical Steps for Harmony

• Keep Faults Private: Husbands and wives should lock the faults of one another within their own hearts and tell their troubles alone to GodPH011 34.1.

• Seek Divine Aid: If the fountain of love seems to have dried up, it can have a resurrection if both parties stop playing upon each other's evil nature and instead seek the subduing influence of the Spirit of GodAH 342.3+1.

• Heartfelt Service: Whatever is done in the home should be done heartily, as to the Lord, and not merely to please men Colossians 3:235BC 1112.2.

By putting away all suspicion, hatred, and feelings of bitterness, a husband allows the peace of God to rule in his heart, creating a home that is a little heaven on earth Colossians 3:15PH155 19.1.