Ellen White's Perspective on Courtship Duration and Maturity

Courtship should be conducted with deliberate caution and mature judgment, often requiring a wait of at least one or two years before selecting someone to be in your mind and affectionsTSB 19.3+1. Sound judgment and discretion bid young people to wait for this length of time rather than binding their affections prematurelyTSB 19.3.

The Need for Mature Judgment

• Avoid Premature Engagements: It is unwise and imprudent to entangle yourself in courtship prematurely, as it can unfit you for your duties and obstruct a thorough educationTSB 19.3.

• Develop Character First: A young woman should devote herself to becoming a perfect and useful woman, learning a trade to be independent before even entertaining the thought of marriageTSB 21.1.

• Maturity of Discrimination: Strength of judgment is essential to distinguish truth and avoid committing a "grievous indiscretion" for which years of regret cannot bring reliefTSB 21.1.

Principles of a Godly Courtship

• Consult God and Parents: Instead of following blind passion, young people must take God and their God-fearing parents into their counselFE 104.2.

• Avoid Impulse: Many trust too much to impulse and are captivated by a winning exterior rather than watching the development of characterFE 104.2+1.

• Maintain Modesty: Courtship should be carried on with reserve and an eye single to the glory of God, ensuring every word and action is fit for the record of holy angels18MR 300.2+1.

• Prioritize Religious Duties: It is dangerous to sacrifice hours of prayer or religious meetings to enjoy the society of a lover3T 44.2+1.

The Danger of Hastiness

Taking the marriage vow is one of the most important steps in life and must not be taken hastilyFE 104.2. It is far better to break an engagement before marriage than to separate afterward, as many are "mated but not matched," finding marriage to be a "galling yoke"18MR 310.2+1. One should always ask if the union will increase their love for God and enlarge their sphere of usefulness Proverbs 3:1-4FE 104.2. If a young person is not diligent students of the Word, they will make grave mistakes that mar their future happinessRH January 26, 1886, par. 1. The Bible remains the only safe guide to preserve integrity and practice no deception during this time Psalms 119:10518MR 306.2.