Navigating Conflict Resolution Using Matthew 18

Matthew 18

1 At the same time came the disciples to Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?

2 And Jesus called a little child to him, and set him in the middle of them,

3 And said, Truly I say to you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

4 Whoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

5 And whoever shall receive one such little child in my name receives me.

6 But whoever shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

7 Woe to the world because of offenses! for it must needs be that offenses come; but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!

8 Why if your hand or your foot offend you, cut them off, and cast them from you: it is better for you to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

9 And if your eye offend you, pluck it out, and cast it from you: it is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.

10 Take heed that you despise not one of these little ones; for I say to you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.

11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.

12 How think you? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, does he not leave the ninety and nine, and goes into the mountains, and seeks that which is gone astray?

13 And if so be that he find it, truly I say to you, he rejoices more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.

14 Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.

15 Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone: if he shall hear you, you have gained your brother.

16 But if he will not hear you, then take with you one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it to the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be to you as an heathen man and a publican.

18 Truly I say to you, Whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatever you shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

19 Again I say to you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the middle of them.

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

22 Jesus says to him, I say not to you, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened to a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought to him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

25 But for as much as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.

27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that you owe.

29 And his fellow servant fell down at his feet, and sought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.

30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

31 So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told to their lord all that was done.

32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said to him, O you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt, because you desired me:

33 Should not you also have had compassion on your fellow servant, even as I had pity on you?

34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due to him.

35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also to you, if you from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

It is understandable that you feel hesitant, but you should find comfort in knowing that the biblical process for resolving conflicts is designed to be a ministry of reconciliation and healing, not an occasion for intimidation7T 263.1+1.

The First Step: Private Communication

The very first instruction Christ gives for resolving a trespass is to "go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone" Matthew 18:15. This means that reports of a brother’s or sister’s error should not be circulated among church members or even expressed as prejudices, as this spreads a "leaven of evil" and causes injusticeGW 498.2+1. You have a right to request that the matter be discussed with the individual injured party first, as the Bible directs us to debate our cause with our neighbor himself and not discover secrets to others Proverbs 25:8-9GW 498.2. When you meet privately in the spirit of Christ, it allows for a calm reasoning that appeals to the better judgment without the pressure of an audience3TT 201.2.

The Purpose of Additional Witnesses

If the first private effort does not resolve the matter, the next step is to "take with thee one or two more" Matthew 18:16. However, these witnesses are not intended to be a "team" that outnumbers or overpowers you; rather, they should be "spiritually minded" individuals who can help enlighten the mind and ensure every word is established fairlyCCh 257.2+1. The goal is always to restore friendship and confidence, allowing the "oil of love" to remove the soreness caused by the wrongCCh 256.6+1.

Guidelines for a Christlike Interview

• Spirit of Meekness: Anyone approaching you regarding a fault must do so with a heart full of compassion and the "bowels of mercy," not with a faultfinding or accusing spiritPaM 268.1+1.

• No Revenge: Reproof should never be handled in a way that feels like revenge; it must be a "painful task" done with much humility and sorrow for the erring17MR 164.4+2.

• Protection of the Church: Proper discipline is meant to lift up and heal, preparing members for the great reunion in heaven, rather than wounding or bruising souls through harshness15MR 193.2+1.

• Avoid Political Strife: Christian reconciliation has nothing in common with the spirit of political battles or worldly "fighting," and should always maintain an atmosphere of peace and restfulnessPaM 91.3+2.

Your Recourse and Strength

If the individuals involved are following their own impulses rather than the directions given by Jesus, they are not acting in harmony with the Word of God11MR 208.1+1. You can take hold of God's strength to make peace, looking constantly to Jesus for wisdom on what to do when an emergency arises Isaiah 27:5CG 478.3+1. Remember that you are Christ's property, purchased at an infinite price, and He desires for you to have a spirit of content and gratitude even in difficult social intercoursesAH 450.2+1. If a meeting feels unsafe or is not following the biblical order, you may seek counsel from church leaders, as elders and deacons are chosen to care for the prosperity and order of the church12MR 113.1+1.