Cooperation of Parents in the Training of Their Children
By MRS. RACHEL THOMPSON
COOPERATION implies laboring together to obtain a desired end. The first requisite in a cooperation, or partnership, is the unification of the copartners; for how “can two walk together except they be agreed”? If there is any cooperation in this world which should endeavor to keep the unity of the spirit in the bonds of peace, it is that of husband and wife. The happiness and prosperity not only of their married life, but of their whole future existence, depend upon their unity. No well-informed persons would think of entering a business or assuming duties together without a well-defined outline of procedure understood between them. Much less should a father and mother. In the strenuous times in which we live it would seem almost impossible for the heads of the family, in order successfully to meet the issues of life, not to be overburdened with duties and cares. Where, then, shall come the time—the much-needed time—for consultation and advice? Here is where we meet the difficulty. Not all of us are sufficiently filled with the fullness of Christ to be all of one mind. Many unscriptural alliances have been made, where neither duties as husband and wife, duties to the future generation, or similarity of religious belief, have been considered, but simply the gratification of a sentimental fancy. Too often such contracting parties awake to find they have no similarity of tastes. Their ideas and aims, their ambitions and purposes in life are entirely at variance. Imperceptibly their love or fancy (true love is not so easily lost) is undermined and finally destroyed, and a wall of partition grows up between them. Thus, as they attempt to govern their families, one draws one way, while the other pulls another way. A house divided against itself cannot stand, and these structures generally begin their fall in the children. The children should be the pivot upon which the whole domestic economy should balance, and if by nature or education one of the parents is lacking in some of the qualities that are necessary to make a worthy parent, it should be the pleasure of the other to point out the deficiencies, and to assist in every way possible in overcoming them. God understands our motives. And one parent cannot shift his responsibility upon the other without incurring God’s displeasure. Fathers have an equal share with the mothers in the training of their children. I repeat, an equal share; for some have got the idea that because God commended Abraham for ruling his household, they must govern the whole family with a rod of iron, making themselves domestic tyrants. Ruling his household does not imply an egotistical assumption of all authority, but rather a leadership. Every individual in a family is accountable to God. Each has an identity and an individuality of his own, which all should be taught to respect and maintain. None of us are perfect. When we use the best judgment we can summon to our command, we stumble and blunder egregiously. Parents should not think too much of their own opinion, nor assume extreme positions, but each endeavor to put himself in the other’s place, to have respect for the other’s judgment, and not be set and unyielding. Have for each other charity, which is the bond of perfectness. The time never has existed when it was admissible for parents to slacken the reins of government in the family, and it certainly is not now in these last days of spiritual declension, when the enemy is so insidiously weaving snares for the young. Implicit obedience is their salvation. Deal with them as Christ deals with us, firmly but mercifully. This cannot be done except parents are united. If there are differences of opinion between you, which are very likely to arise, talk it over in private, reason with each other if need be, but never, never let anything of the kind appear before your children. Children know as if by instinct, and sometimes use more wisdom than those who control them. The least sign of disagreement in parents weakens the control of both. If parents are united, there is no higher appeal; but if, on the contrary, the children see they are not working together,—cooperating, if you please,—they soon learn which one to go to for favors. Never allow a child to do things which you know to be displeasing to the other parent, but give him to understand that father and mother are one, and that whatever he does that displeases one will displease the other. If the father or mother on the spur of the moment should make an injudicious decision, do not let the other by any manifestation make it known to the children, and thus weaken the child’s respect for the parent’s judgment; but wait until the children are safe in bed, resting those tired hands and feet ready for the next day’s busy mischief, then talk it over. At such times there should be cooperation. Parents, work together and for each other. Children are great imitators. If father insists on the best chair, the first use of fresh paper or magazine, with feet perched on some article of furniture particularly dear to the heart of his wife, let him never be astonished when John or Mary becomes selfish, or neglectful of others’ comfort. If one gives up to bad temper or discouragement (which is catching like any other contagious disease), let the other bring sunshine by words of encouragement or by pleasant remarks. Be courteous; be kindly. “Walk worthy of the vocation wherewith we are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering forbearing one another in love.” The Scriptures plainly teach us that parents are responsible for their children, that the blood of their souls will rest upon unfaithful parents. Faithful parents, though many times tried, perplexed, and well-nigh discouraged, have the promises of God.