TEXT. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Col. iii, 18-21.
The family relation dates back as far as Eden. God saw that it was not good for man to be alone, and he gave him Eve. When all was holy, obedience and love were requisites of the divine plan in the relation of the members of families to each other; and since the curse fell upon the first family, which has been felt more heavily by all succeeding ones, and since the reign of sin and Satan has disturbed the happiness of this relation, the duty of obedience and love has increased in proportion to the departure from primitive holiness.
The apostle commences with the duty of woman. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord.” Here three things seem worthy of notice.
1. It was the woman who first sinned and fell. She was deceived by the devil in the form of a serpent. But the man was not deceived. With his eyes open through passion for his wife, he recklessly seized the forbidden fruit and fell with her. It is an unsettled question with many which of the two was the greater sinner. We simply notice the fact that Eve was first in the transgression and the submission of woman is first required.
2. Satan succeeded well with the first woman, and he has since found best success in marring the happiness of families, of churches, of neighborhoods, and of society generally by operating upon women. Jezebel and the witch of Endor are fair representatives of the former dispensation.
A fallen Saul said, “Send me a woman which hath a familiar spirit.” Why did he not say man? Spiritualism commenced with women. The two Misses Fox, of Hydesville, N. Y., were the first mediums, the very first to produce the raps. Through them many men, some of them of strong minds, have been deceived, and have fallen into the arms of the devil. And it is a fact that three-fourths of these mediums are women, and are the best mediums. They are silly women. “For of this sort,” says the apostle, “are they which creep into houses and lead captive silly women.”
3. Notice the limitation in the required duty of the wife—“as it is fit in the Lord.” Is she a Christian? The first and highest claims upon her are from the Lord. The husband may command her to break God’s law, to violate his Sabbath. She should not submit to his unholy mandates. Never. With faith in a higher power, seeking to live in peace with her family, should she obey God rather than man. But is there not danger of her resisting the requirements of her husband, and carrying matters in this direction too far? The prophets resisted sin unto blood. If she goes further than they did, she may go too far. The apostles were free from fanaticism, and they resisted till all but John died martyrs. If she goes further than the apostles, she errs. Fifty millions of martyrs would not bow to the man of sin. They rest in hope. If she goes further than they, she carries matters too far.
Her husband may require of her that which may injure her constitution and prostrate her nervous system. Her first duty is obedience to the laws of God, second to the laws of her own being, and third to her husband. But in everything wherein she can please her husband and not violate the law of God and her own conscience, and endanger her family, she should for her good and theirs cheerfully submit.
The husband is required to love his wife, and not be bitter against her. This he should do because—
1. She is the gift of God, and if she be a good wife, he possesses the first and greatest earthly blessing.
2. Notwithstanding the sad misfortune of the first mother, and the manifest weaknesses of many of her daughters, the silken cord of love will lead her in the path of duty easier than it will men. But bitter words will sink with leaden weight into woman’s heart and discourage and sour her mind, and make her capable of returning them with equal bitterness.
3. The curse upon woman is heavier than upon man, which calls for love from him, and tender pity. To earn his bread by the sweat of his brow is often a pleasure to strong men, who can go forth to breathe the free air of heaven. To them, food, rest and sleep are ever sweet, while to the weaker of the two, the limits of her house, her care and pain in raising her family are often a terrible curse, calling for the noble, benevolent pity of a loving husband.
The apostle to the Ephesians, chap. v. 22-27, illustrates the duty of man and wife by a figure as high as Heaven.
“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.
Here the husband is required to love his wife as Christ loved the church. The church should love their divine Head because—
1. He gave himself for the church, and died that they might have life eternal. So the husband gives himself to and for his wife, and, if necessary, should cheerfully endure suffering in order to alleviate hers.
2. Christ, who was rich, became poor, that the church might, through his poverty, become rich. We hear him say, “The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.” So the husband should love his wife, though affliction and sickness on her part reduce them from affluence to poverty.
3. Christ is long-suffering and forgiving to the church. It is his delight to forgive the errors of his people. So should it be the delight of the husband to bear long with, and be forgiving toward, his wife. It should be his delight to exercise extreme patience toward her, if she be a feeble, godly woman, and cheer her heart by noble words of confidence, love and affection, though she errs.
Obedience is required of the wife, as the church should obey Christ. The church should obey her Lord because—
1. He is exalted. He is in the form of the great God, and thought it not robbery to be equal with God. He laid aside, for a time, his glory, and took fallen nature in order to save his church. When redemption shall be completed, he will assume his former glory, and reign forever in the midst of his delighted people. What he has done for them, what he is doing, and what he has promised to do for his church should inspire obedience and love in them. The church should worship her Lord.
But do you inquire, “Would it not be idolatry to worship Christ the same as God?” We answer, Those who do worship him are found in good company; for “when he bringeth his first-begotten into the world he saith, And let all the angels of God worship him.” We may worship only one God as the Creator, and one Christ as Redeemer. But we will not wander too far.290
God has exalted the man, and made him the head of the family. And if he be what he should be, and what he may be through Christ, noble, kind and forgiving, and if the happiness of his family be his first and highest delight, he is worthy to be reverenced and loved by his wife. We did not say worshiped by her, though Sarah so far reverenced Abraham as to call him lord.
When Christians meet to humbly worship at the feet of the Redeemer, angels draw near, and their Lord bows his ear and reaches forth his hand to exalt them. Sarah’s reverence did not lead Abraham to exalt himself; but to exalt his wife. The more the wife seeks to obey and love a good husband, the more will he take pleasure in acts that will exalt her. And the longer they live together, the stronger will be the sanctified bond of union between them.
The apostle continues in the language of the text, to show the duty of children to their parents, and that of parents to their children. “Children obey your parents; for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord.” On this point we remark that children should obey their parents because—
1. They gave life and birth, and cared for them in their infant helplessness, and felt for their woes and wants as parents only can feel. They lead them to manhood and womanhood, and provide for their wants when they reach that point. They never forget them. And it is a remarkable fact that the affections of good parents entwine about their children closer and more strongly as age bears them to the tomb. In their last will they remember them, to divide the hard-earned inheritance among them. And God has heard the dying prayers of many a pious mother and converted her children. They are now still in death and the children look back upon their godly example with tearful pleasure.
But with many poor children this is the very hour that commences their heart-aches and their deep regrets, that they have not better prized and more strictly followed their godly precepts and examples. “Oh! for one hour to meet them again face to face, and ask of them pardon and their prayers!” But that hour they can never have.
But how long should children obey and honor their parents? Answer. Strict obedience should be observed to the requirements of parents as long as they are minors, and the duty to honor them never ceases. Children should reverently counsel with good parents, though age has made the heads of both as white as the frosts of winter. They should honor their parents.
1. God has commanded it. In not obeying the fifth commandment they violate not only the law of their parents, but the law of the great God, and expose themselves to his wrath.
2. They should honor their parents by keeping good company. When we see young men and women loose in their habits and conversation, and careless of the company they keep, we at once inquire, Did not their parents teach them better things?
3. They should ever honor them by dwelling upon their good qualities, and hiding, as far as possible, what they suppose to be failings in them.
4. By yielding their judgment to that of their parents, they should honor them. But is this always safe? Generally it is. And in the case of godly parents of sound minds, it is always safe. First, their judgment has ripened with their years. That of the children is green and imperfect. Second, The intellect of the children is not as good, and as sound as that of their parents, unless they are remarkable exceptions to the great fact that each successive generation grows weaker mentally, morally, and physically.
Children may have studied Natural Philosophy, English Grammar, Rhetoric, Latin and Greek, and may have taken lessons in music, and may look back upon their parents who thus indulge them, as being old-fashioned and ignorant, and quite unworthy to dictate them. But what service to them is Greek, Latin and music, in shunning the common vices of this age?
The counsel of their good mother and father will save them, while these acquirements may be the very means of their ruin. Let such children remember that they have been dealt with tenderly, and had many advantages which their parents could not have, and they are totally disqualified to meet the hardships of life, and make their way up to respectability amid the fearful perils of this last time. We would say to them, for your soul’s sake, your parents’ sake, and for Christ’s sake, cling to the parental arm as your only hope, and never be induced to break from it. The lack you feel of the want of it is because of your ignorance. Your parents may be totally ignorant of a few sciences which give you an outside polish, and yet far surpass you in a knowledge of the ways, requirements and dangers of life. The older you grow the more highly will you prize the judgment of your parents.
5. Children should honor their parents by being tender of their feelings and wants in their sickness. Nothing can so grieve a feeble parent as to have a son careless of his feelings and wants. Does he wish to hurry him to the grave? Then let him pursue such a murderous course. It is the duty of all well men and women to help the sick by comforting words and kind acts. How much more that of a child. And—
6. They should honor the death-bed of their parents by their presence, honor them by giving them a respectable burial, and honor their resting-place by a humble, marble slab, and by frequent visits to the place of those who have made them all they are in this world. In the history of the past, such children have had the smiles of Heaven, and the comforts of an approving conscience, and in return have generally been made happy by their children.
But the apostle does not pass by unnoticed the duty of fathers. He says, “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.” Notice this one particular: mothers are not included in this injunction. It is true that some mothers scold and tease their children to anger. But it is also a fact that the tenderest and strongest earthly tie is between mother and child. How many a woman’s heart has bled to hear the withering language of a heartless father! In silence she bears it but seeks the first opportunity to soothe the feelings of the child. She may carry a cheerful face in the presence of her child, while her poor heart bleeds on.
A child provoked to anger becomes soured, and discouraged, and a spirit of “don’t care,” takes possession of him. Such children lose respect for their fathers and for themselves, and away they drift to certain ruin. A step-father is much to be dreaded. But there are mothers who are not clear in this matter, especially step-mothers. Partiality to her own offspring is bad; but if she has none, and never has felt the warm current of parental affection softening her own heart, and flowing out in streams of tenderness toward her own dear child, she is ill prepared to care as she should for another’s. Has she cast in her life-long interest at the marriage altar with one who has been stricken with sorrow, and then pledged herself to love him as long as they both shall live, and virtually pledged herself to care for his smitten flock? Here is a responsible, sacred trust.
We have known honorable exceptions. In one case a step-mother united with an unworthy man, cared for his son, who was but the second edition of his father, till she wore her life away and now sleeps in the grave. When we first knew him in 1853, he was a professed Christian, and as we stood beside the Genesee River, ready to lead his wife into its waters in the sacred rite of baptism, this professedly pious man stepped forward and threatened to spill our heart’s blood if we baptized his wife. The history of that son we have no heart to trace. We hope the father is reforming. Other step-mothers have imbittered the life of their husbands, and by their unworthy course have driven all their children either to the grave, or out into the wide world.
This should teach those bereft of their partners in this life a lesson of untold importance. Better remain single, and bear the double burden of life than to run the risk of increasing it three-fold.
But what shall that poor widow do? Answer. Be careful how she trusts her children to the care of one who is not their father. Is she a godly, worthy widow? Then we appeal to the church. What is pure religion? Let James reply, “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.” Chap. i, 27. We are not to visit them and eat up what they have, and then dolefully dwell upon the death of the husband, and open her wounded heart afresh. But by cheerful words and visitations after a godly sort leave her comforted. Visit her with dresses for herself and her children, and with the good bounties of the earth under whose weight your granaries groan. Many a godly widow has been driven to unite herself to an unworthy man by sheer neglect and poverty.
Do you say the law provides for such? So it does. But look into your wife’s happy face, and to your innocent children, and for a moment reflect. How would you feel with some fatal disease upon you, and before you the prospect of their becoming paupers?
In conclusion, we would say, Parents, let responsibilities rest upon your children as fast as they can bear them; and never let them feel that to live in this world costs but a trifle. Let them bear their own weight as soon as they can, and never let them feel that they can rely upon your purse. If you wish to ruin your son let him have a free use of uncounted money. Where are the valuable men of this age? From those who have been blest with the inheritance of poverty. While the worthless are, to a great extent, the indulged sons of the wealthy.
But our hour has expired and we will close. May God bless you. Amen.