p. 16 | Winning and Holding Boys - by Max Hill

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Feb 29, 1912

Winning and Holding Boys —

By Max Hill

No. 1

MAX HILL

THERE is no set, definite rule that I know of for winning and holding boys. There are, however, some principles really more like axioms, which apply to the winning of boys as well as to older men, or older boys, just as you please to apply it.

When the Saviour said, “Suffer little children to come,” I do not believe that he meant only very small boys and girls, the babes in arms, as the popular pictures imply. I am sure that as he ministered day by day, in the streets, by the wayside, on the mountain, by the sea, his arms often encircled strong, sturdy boys as well as the more childish forms. I can see him ready with a good, sincere embrace for the boy who sidled up to him, to be near the One who moved multitudes, who taught with such power, who preached and lived such a pure gospel of love and service. I know his heart must have had a warm place, and a large one, for the uncouth, bashful boy; because his love went out to all who needed it, and the growing, self-conscious boy needed it as much as any one in his great audiences, if not more.

And the need of the boy should appeal to us. Sometimes I think it is little short of a miracle that many a boy ever grows up to man’s estate without becoming hopelessly soured to all the world. He sees the little girls petted and favored, and their rooms better and more tastily furnished than his. He sees them given the lighter, more pleasant tasks. He grows up running errands, for which he receives scant thanks and few favors in return. He is expected to wait for the second table, and be sweet about it. He comes to feel that if no one else is actually caught in breaking rules and regulations, he will get the blame; which also accounts for the fact that he is so often the guilty one. But the fact that he is guilty is no reason for branding him a hopeless case from the very start. It is the strongest argument in favor of more wisdom and patience in dealing with him.

Winning the Boy

What do we mean by that? All talk and no do? or shall we consider the needs, and then actually do something? First of all we must get acquainted. You know when we set about getting acquainted with some one, we call on that one. When we see him, we speak to him, we notice him, we ask about his welfare, we investigate his occupation, and we talk to him about his business. Now every boy has his regular line of business. It takes a great deal of his time, and it claims a great deal of his attention and energy. He is as thoroughly wrapped up in it as is any business man.

If you would become acquainted with him, then, follow the regular business tactics in his line. Make yourself acquainted with his business. Find out how he prospers. Don’t let it be a pretended interest; no one despises a fake any more than a boy does, and you can not deceive him in the least. When you make him understand that you are interested, really interested, you are getting acquainted.

Getting acquainted is only the first step. It takes more to win. When a young man decides that he wants to win a certain young lady, he gives her very special attention. That is the simplest and most logical method known. For centuries this plan, simple and natural, though infinite in variety of working, has resulted in the union of earth’s millions in bands that only death can sever.

Now is it not reasonable to believe that the same tactics will be rewarded equally well if it is a boy who is to be won? Does it not seem logical, since human nature is so much the same in all ages, to follow at least similar methods with all? It is of course understood that methods may vary in application, they must vary, for different dispositions demand different treatment; but the principle referred to will be in it all.

When I find a boy whom I can not touch, a boy who shrinks from actual contact, I always feel that one of two conditions is in his life; either he is hungry for love and attention that he does not get at home, or he is mistreated. It is strange, one might think, that hunger for love will make one shrink from advances; but that is the peculiarity of the boy. If no friendly hand ever rests upon his lonesome little shoulder, if no kindly arm ever slips about him in a real hug of good-fellowship, he comes to avoid even those who are not so stingy with their affection.

And the same result comes if the only human touch the boy knows is the touch of the hand that punishes or abuses. By abuse I mean the unfair advantage so many people take of boys. I have seen men who never missed an opportunity to pinch or tickle or actually hurt boys, taking delight in their annoyance or pain. They seem to forget that the natural result will be a dislike that often reaches positive hatred on the part of the abused boy.

We must remember that there is a stage in the lives of most boys when they must be treated with all the patience and love we can muster; for they must pass through some times of stress and battle that so many men seem to forget entirely, and that some women who “work with boys” never seem to understand or appreciate. Then is the time when we simply must not be stingy with our love. If they are rough and trying, then the demand upon us is the greater; then they must be won and held. When we learn to allow for this period of the boy’s life, we have taken a long step toward winning lasting friends among those whose affections and ambitions are just being molded for life.

The world is full of boys hungry for love, boys who can not express themselves any other way than awkwardly, often roughly or coarsely. O then give us a generation of men and women—teachers and parents—who will make full allowance for this condition and time in the lives of the boys, who will be patient and careful, who will be determined to love the most ungainly and uncouth right through to the age when nature brings a change in the life and wakes up new affections and aspirations!

Are they hard to reach? Then greater the glory in winning. Do they utterly fail to show appreciation? If that is what you are working for, your aim is low. But there will be appreciation, only it will be expressed in boy language, and you have to learn that language, learn it again if you have forgotten it. You must learn to “read between the lines,” learn to accept a little word, a shy touch of the hand, a nudge of the shoulder in passing, as full payment, and give a receipt in full. Accept it, and let it warm your heart; but do not say too much about it, either to the boy or to others.