p. 8 | Self-Control by Della T. Lutes

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Aug 10, 1911

Self-Control

By Della T. Lutes

It is impossible to say that one quality of character is more necessary than another, since all are independent. Self-respect, perseverance, individuality, trustfulness, patience, sympathy, self-control, judgment, all are dependent upon one another, and all are necessary attributes of a well-rounded character. Without self-control, however, the accomplishment of developing other qualities is impossible. Self-control is obedience of all the qualities, either mental, moral, or physical, to the supremacy of the will,—power of will over all inclinations, temptations, and impulses; intelligent superintendence of the spiritual over the animal nature.

Self-control, more than almost any other quality of character, is less likely to be a natural gift or to be acquired without long and grievous experience. It is, therefore, one that needs to be, above all others, developed in the child by judicious training.

Those children who are by nature or inheritance of a nervous temperament are less likely to be self-controlled than others, and will be hard to train. Also the child of keen sensibilities and sympathetic nature will be less easily controlled than the phlegmatic child.

Punishment is sometimes thought to be a highway to self-control, but it is more often a source of humiliation, lessening the child's respect for himself, and consequently his control of himself. The nervous, high-strung, strong-willed, temperamental child will need the strongest lessons in self-control, but he also needs most judicious and delicate handling. He must be dealt with calmly, cheerfully, and by a steady hand. Excitement, anger, scolding, will only increase his agitation, and lessen his control of his own nerves and will. He should be diverted instead of punished. He should be surrounded with a placid, restful, soothing atmosphere. A nervous, excitable, irritable parent, teacher, or guardian can never help an excitable, nervous child to gain control of himself.

Self-control, like self-respect, must be early inculcated into the childish character. He must be taught that to cry for whatever he wants is the surest way not to get it.

“Self-control,” says Charlotte Perkins Gilman, in her excellent book “Concerning Children,” “can be taught a child by gently graduated exercise, so that he shall come calmly into his first kingdom, and exercise this normal power without self-consciousness.”

The child should be taught that there are better ways of acquiring an end than by direct opposition. And here, as in every other instance, the parent must first learn the lesson. A mother or a father who loses control of herself or himself, whose voice rises excitedly at the first encounter, can never hope to teach a child control of himself. It is example, example, example! What a man sows, that shall he also reap. Give, and it shall be given to you again, no matter what it is.

Control yourself, and you can control your child. “Keep your voice low,” and your child will not shout. Never get nervous, or say nervous, and you will be far less likely to have nervous children.

Suggest control to all with whom you come in contact.

Controlling a child by the “don't” method will never teach him control of himself. You can restrict his will, but this is not the subject. Bend his will toward the right direction. Don't wet-blanket his efforts, no matter how ineffectual they may seem to you. So long as he is going to harm neither himself nor others, let him alone. When you see that he is, suggest other occupation and amusement—divert his attention from the wrong channel into the right.

Dissension in the home atmosphere, discord, quarreling, irritability, fretting, nagging, scolding, disputing, whether between adults or children, is bound to breed discord, discontent, impatience. Example! Example! Example! What you are, your children are bound to be; and this is true of the infant in its cradle as well as of the adult. It is susceptible to impression, and its plastic mind receives the imprint of your example only to breathe it forth again at the first occasion.—Della T. Lutes, in American Motherhood.