IZA E. CLEMENT by Iza E. Clement

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Dec 30, 1909

IZA E. CLEMENT

By Iza E. Clement

Scolding

IZA E. CLEMENT

“SCOLDING” may be an unpleasant theme for contemplation, but it is an evil so common, so fraught with weighty consequences, that to ignore it because of its offensiveness would be a sin, when to properly consider and expose its pernicious influence would be a step toward eliminating it from the home.

Webster defines it as “finding fault, railing with rude clamor; chiding sharply, brawling; uttering rude, harsh, boisterous rebuke; reproving or rebuking with severity.” What a category of unlovely words is contained in this definition! What an unpleasant picture is here presented before the mind! One can almost hear the harsh, disagreeable tones, and see the lowering frown of the scolder. Yea, more than that, one can easily imagine the grieved look and quivering lip of the little child, the quick, resentful glance of the husband or wife, or the sullen, indifferent gaze of the servant.

To be sure, reproof is sometimes necessary in the home, but never with severity, if the lessons of love and right principles have been properly taught. To correct a child by firm, uncompromising reproof, when milder methods have failed, is commendable; but to scold him is a sin. It is an offense against his whole future existence.

It belittles him in his own estimation, and discourages him. It robs him of his God-given right of self-respect and true dignity, and lessens his chances for forming a strong character. Children have tender consciences and sensitive hearts, and have just as much right to the respect and polite regard of their elders as their elders have to demand these considerations of them, and to assume an attitude of authoritative superiority over them is a mistake. It instils into their minds an element of fear, which always genders deceit and dishonesty.

Scolding is harsh, authoritative rebuke. It renders the scolder unlovely, and creates in the scolded a feeling of contempt, and in the course of time nullifies even the tender, filial regard which God has placed in the breast of every child. It drives the child from the parent, and hardens its heart, making it cold and unresponsive. A gentle reprimand, a loving look, a grieved tone, will live with one and influence him for good as long as life shall last; but a scolding tone, a frowning countenance, and rough, uncouth words provoke scorn and hatred, and blunt the tender sensibilities and impressionable minds of children and youth.

The mind of a child naturally loves to dwell on the beautiful, and this element of its nature may, in the hand of a discreet and loving parent, prove a most potent instrument in helping the little one to develop a noble character. On the other hand, a child may form such a habit of disregarding words, looks, and tones, because so many of them in his home are disagreeable, that their power to influence him will be lost, no matter what their character.

Sometimes, however, children may for a while show no signs of the destructive influence of scolding. They may not apparently resent it; they may always be obedient; but nevertheless, scolding is doing its baleful work, and time will make manifest its terrible results.

Constant scolding will make a child either cold, hard-hearted, stubborn, and wilful, or it will make him weak, self-conscious, fearful, and characterless. To be continually found fault with kills his self-respect, and renders him distrustful of all mankind. It destroys his confidence in his scolding parent, and sends him away from home to find his friends.

Scolding is a habit; it is useless; it is vulgar; it is iniquitous. It makes every one around feel like a criminal, whether he be child or man; whether he be the luckless victim, or only an unfortunate hearer. The sound of a scolding voice has the same effect wherever it is heard.

The wise man says in Prov. 21:9 that “it is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman

in a wide house.” Many a home has been wrecked by a scolding wife.

Scolding has its influence not only on the other members of the family, but on the scolder herself. It makes her deceitful. She would not have her neighbors know how she treats her family, consequently she has two sets of manners, one for company and another for her family. For company she wears her most inviting smile; for her family, the ones nearest and dearest to her, she wears a frown, and exercises her tongue in sharp, stinging words. But hypocrite though she may be, her neighbors are not long deceived. That frown worn so constantly in the home becomes stamped on her face, and appears when she is abroad; for Time, that stealthy old “avenger of blood,” tracks her down and seals her with her own guilt. Scolding is disastrous. Its results are inevitable; and it would be well for all who are inclined to indulge in this “bugbear” of the home to consider carefully their words, and seek for the daily grace that will silence the scolding tone and the bitter words.