Professor Gardner on Hard Times.
By Editor
[We have no great liking for the current mutilations of language, but there is a lesson in the following talk of the "Professor" which many a white man might learn to his profit.] As I was walking out in the back yard, began Bro. Gardner, "Mister Darius Green, the white man, came along, and there was a powerful sad look on his face az he leaned over the fence and said:— " 'Misser Gardner, this sufferin haz get to come to a cease!' " " 'Haz ye got the shakes and chills?' I axed. " 'Wuss dan dat, Misser Gardner. Ize working all de long week for ten shillin' a day, an whar de money goes I can't tell. De ole woman wants new clothes, de chillin wants dis an' dat, de rent runs behin', an' Ize gettin' desprit.' " " 'Sho! now let's make some figgers on de fence,' I tole him. 'Now den you chew 'terbaccer?' " " 'Yes, I chew 'bout ten cents worf a day.' " " 'Dat's seventy cents a week. An' you drink lager?' " " 'Well, of course I drink a glass now and den—maybe fifteen glasses a week.' " " 'Dat's seventy-five cents moah, sah—What d'ye do on Sundays!' " " 'Oh, go up to de beer garden.' " " 'An' you spen' a dollar at least?' " " 'I guess so—may be two of 'em.' " " 'Say twelve shillin's an' dat makes two dollars an' ninety-five cents per week. I reckon you frow away at least free dollars ebery week, sah.' " " 'Yes sah. Dat money would pay your rent an' buy your flour.' " " 'But a fellar must have some comfort.' " " 'De same, sah. De greatest comfort in de world am to see de rent paid up, de table loaded down, an' de ole woman able to go to church. You frow away free dollars ebery week, sah, an' den you go roun' cussin' de times, de wedder, an' de man who hez saved his money.' " " 'Gem'len, dat white man called me an ole black fool an' a dog stealer, but dat didn' alter de case a bit. He is frowin' away one-third of his weekly wages, an' den blowin' round dat he's gettin' desperit an' am ready to head a riot. Doan' let me heah eny member o' dis club spinnin' dat yarn, case if he does dars gwine to be a committee ob investigashun an' dat committee won't whitewash wof a cent?' "—Detroit Free Press.