CULTIVATING LOVE IN THE HOME.
By Mrs. H. W. Pierce
Those of us who have had experience in training children have often been pained at the display of selfish feelings and the inclination to censure one another that is manifested at times even in well-regulated households. It is hardly to be wondered at either, since the “little innocents” are each born with the carnal nature, and must be born again before they can in full bear the fruits of the Spirit. While associated with a much esteemed Christian woman and her children for several months, one fault in that otherwise happy family appeared like an ugly blot upon a white page. There were but three children—two boys, aged fourteen and nine years, whose conduct, so respectful and obedient to their mother, kind and polite to all about them, really won my heart; the sister was nearly five, and remarkably forward for her years. Two years before, there was another sister, older than this one; but sweet little Lena was laid away to rest till Jesus comes. The fond mother, almost inconsolable with grief, though trying to say, “Thy will be done,” evidently failed to hold the same wholesome restraint over the remaining daughter that she so wisely held over the older children, and little Myrtle was humored in her whims, and even encouraged in finding fault with her brothers. The habit grew upon her rapidly, and though her brothers were usually kind to her, it was seldom they could please her long at a time. She would be sure to seize upon some word or act and construe it as an insult or an injury; then she would burst into a loud cry, with complaint against Fred or James; while the brothers, conscious they had intentionally done nothing to misuse her, would promptly deny the charge. The mother usually accused them of “aggravating their little sister,” and sometimes put a slight punishment upon them, to the delight of the little girl. She also charged them, in Myrtle’s hearing, to be always kind to their sister, and to treat her well; for she was younger than they, and her feelings were easily hurt. Wounded by a sense of injustice, yet unwilling to cause their mother more trouble, the brothers bore it as well as they could, sometimes making remarks which, though true, were in no way calculated to heal the breach. Shall we, in imagination, peer into the future a few years? The happiness of the boys is marred by Myrtle’s selfish and accusing conduct, and there is little chance for the manifestation of love between them. Still her brothers will make any sacrifice for their sister if she is sick or in trouble; but Myrtle takes this as only her due, so it begets no special love or gratitude in her heart. Home is not so pleasant for Fred and James as it might be, and at an early age, on one pretext or another, they go outside the shelter of the parental roof to court the society of other boys’ sisters, who perhaps are not half so good and pure as their own, were it not for this disagreeable habit begun so early in life and strengthened as the years roll by. Is there no remedy? The writer begs to be allowed to suggest a plan which has been tried in some families with excellent results. It consists chiefly in holding up the virtues of one child before the others in a judicious way, and, as a rule, in the absence of the one you are seeking to elevate. Try to impress the children with the fact that responsibility rests upon each one to make the life and character of the other loving, pure, and faithful. As the parents should never disparage each other in the hearing of their children, so let them be careful never to lower one child in the estimation of the others. Say to the sisters, “You have some very dear brothers, the best brothers in all the world for you; God gave them to you that you might make them happy, and by your love hold them back from rude and unkind conduct.” When one manifests a disposition to accuse another for some trifling cause, just say, “You can play alone; you are not good enough to play with your dear brothers and sisters; you do not love them well enough to try to make them happy.” When occasion requires, talk to the others in the same way about this one. Both parents should strive not only to love all their children alike, but to manifest equal interest and affection for each. While visiting in a Christian family a few years ago, I saw a striking illustration of this principle. When the father came into the house, even for his meals, he discoursed with his two daughters, who were the oldest of the family, as sociably as if they had been distinguished guests; and while he was always ready to take the baby, he did not neglect the boys, but talked with them about everything which engaged their attention, holding back the one inclined to overactivity, and pushing forward the one disposed to shirk, yet with so much tact that they had no occasion to even think “papa loves brother best.” There is a period when, having outgrown their babyhood, the children seem awkward, trying, and in the way. Often the parents speak disparagingly of them in the presence of guests, and lavish tokens of love upon the youngest. These parents spoil the little ones by making too much of them, while those about to enter their teens are hungering for the companionship and kindly encouragement that is withheld when they need it most. Let the mother plan little surprises for one child to please the others in innocent ways. Although the mother cannot uphold sin in any one of her children, she can so draw upon the love of the others that they will be very helpful in bringing the erring one to repentance. Strive to keep before them the truth that repentance and confession on the part of the offender, and the spirit of forgiveness with the injured party, is the only way to dispose of a wrong so that it shall make no more trouble. Love in the home is the root of peace and the blossom of joy; but it does not always grow spontaneously: it must be cultivated.