p. 8 | CHURCH FOLLIES by J. P. Henderson

Pacific Press Publishing Company · Oakland, California · Nov 7, 1892

CHURCH FOLLIES.

By J. P. Henderson

BY ELDER J. P. HENDERSON.

THE professing religious world in this section seems to have reached the height of their follies during the past few months in their efforts to amuse the public, and gather in ducats to help pay church bills.

As denominations are being leavened through and through with Christian Endeavor and other societies, new devices are sought out to meet the increased financial wants.

"Fairs and festivals, frolics untold, Are held in the place of prayer, And maidens bewitching as sirens of old, With worldly graces rare, Invent the very cunningest tricks, Untrammeled by gospel or laws, To beguile and amuse and win from the world Some help for the righteous cause."

To give with a "willing heart, liberally," is a thing of the past, so appetite and passion are appealed to in ways that "overpass the deeds of the wicked."

Recently a funeral was held in a certain church over a very prominent citizen, whose death was greatly lamented. That evening in the opera hall, a place where the church and world meet together on the devil’s territory, the same church held a "chicken-pie" supper. Within the echo of our tent lectures, we were greeted one evening with a "lawn dance" and "ice-cream social," which carried

on its revelries to a late hour, all under the auspices of a very popular denomination. Almost every evening for weeks at a time, our meetings have been interfered with by these gatherings of church festivities. New devices are invented to excel in novelty and attract the "gentlemen" who, of course, love fun.

A "curtain" supper is one in which the ladies at a given signal disappear behind a curtain hung up for the occasion, and beneath its folds expose their pedal extremities (feet), from the appearance of which the gentlemen are to select their partner for the occasion.

A "hide and seek" supper is one in which the ladies take to the woods, barn, or elsewhere, in the dark, of course, and the gentlemen follow in search, the one first found being his partner for the evening.

The vocabulary has simply been exhausted in the list of "tea and toast," "pork and beans," "fruit and cake" suppers. The last craze is on the alphabetic list. A number of "sisters" whose names may chance to begin with the same letter, unite their ingenuity in an effort to get up attraction, and are followed another evening by others of a different initial.

The following is a sample of advertising one of this nature, just clipped from the town paper, the letter being "S" :—

The following is the bill of fare that will be served by several sisters of the M. E. Church, at G. A. R. Hall, Friday evening.

SOLIDS. Savory slices, skillfully seasoned, Scalloped Spuds, served steaming, Sandwiches, smoothly spread Slightly salted. Sister Stott's superior satisfying snaps, Scientifically shaped.

SIDE DISHES. Sister Smith's sensible Sour Pickle sharpening. Sister Shadbolt's superior solidified scum. Sister Shanon's Sauerkraut salad, something suited to Slower Spry.

SIPS. Specially selected coffee steamed, strained, sweetened with sugar squares, sipped from solid silver spoons, served with skillfully skimmed sweet scum. Simple, steeped, sleep-stealing Tea, satisfactorily strong.

SWEETS. Sister Schellenger's scrumptuous sweet-bread, splendid stirred cake, sundry significations, such as sponge, snow, silver, spice, and so forth. Sweetly sugared sauce, spiced superbly slim, served in shallow saucers.

An affair that happened some time since in another town, however, takes the lead. The prettiest girl was sold for the evening to the highest bidder, and with her purchaser was to be the royal guest of the occasion. Some "roughs" of the city were present, and one became the buyer. The parents objected, but his "chums" threatened war if he was interfered with, and so the people were entertained by the half-drunken escort continually bestowing nameless tokens of affection on his "purchased prize;" he having paid for the privilege, no one had a right to interfere. We have not yet learned how many were added to the church by the racket that followed this disgraceful affair, but it looks as though a "Union with State" might be necessary to prevent church immoralities.

As the love of money is the root of all evil, the churches have fallen, and "from the least of them even unto the greatest of them everyone is given to covetousness." Jer. 6: 13.

When truth teaches people to give an honest tithe, covetousness is barred out by lock and key that prevents many evils.

Clarksville, Iowa.