p. 12 | Letters to a Daughter by By a Mother

Pacific Press Publishing Association · Mountain View, California · Jun 20, 1911

FromSigns of the Times, Vol. 38, No. 24.

Letters to a Daughter

By By a Mother

III. Simplicity and Appropriateness

My DEAR DAUGHTER,—

I note what you say about your apartment, your fare at table, the uniform required, etc.

Through it all I see that the wise founder of that remarkable school has an appreciation of the values of the simple life. I am grateful that these do not seem to be received by you with disfavor. I quite approve of the restrictions placed upon your room decorations. You may think this at least is no one's business but your own, since you alone occupy the room. This is true in a way. Yet you are there to be trained; and that upon which you choose to rest your eyes during moments of relaxation, as truly enters into your education, as that to which you give your most studied attention. You know the Great Teacher said, "By beholding we become changed."

Simplicity in your surroundings makes for simplicity of heart and purpose. Sometime you will be very grateful for this schooling in the development of a classical taste. There will never be a better time to develop it than now. Soon the promiscuous distribution of bric-à-brac or wall pictures in undue profusion will be distasteful to you. Do you remember how quickly you formed an aversion for "rag time" when you were allowed to play classical music only? The Father has made it easy for us to rise if we only will. It seems to me that this principle should pervade your whole life,—your dress, your manners, your habits of eating and drinking, indeed the whole régime of living. If you will let it, you will find much strength and peace added to your own inner life, and a far greater and purer influence over others.

In after years, when you have gained a broader view-point, you will be very grateful for this feature of your training. Dress, speech, manners, are telltale guide-posts to character. Fix these up with all the cunning of a high-grade finishing-school equipment, and the truth will out in spite of you. They speak for sincere and solid worth or the opposite.

Remember, dear, to seem to be just what you are is the highest art in manners. If you ever remain the simple-hearted, sincere girl mother is proud to think of you, you will never feel the need of studying the latest productions on society etiquette. You will never have to fumble around in your brain for the proper words to say; for the simple language of a simple, sincere heart will involuntarily express itself. Your sincerity will captivate the noblest, the souls worth knowing. Beside you the artificial city lass in latest toggery, painted face, studied manners, cheap thought elegantly expressed, will have no place.

Your simple, well-cooked table fare and your regular hours for sleeping assure me of your continued good health. In these few years of training your habits in this respect will have become established. Thus will you be prepared with vigorous strength for the strenuous life that awaits you, and many will be benefited thereby.

I note what you say about the rules concerning your appearance on the street, which are quite right, my dear. It is certainly very inappropriate to appear on the street in your uniform. Of course it is awkward to carry a suit case when going to do hourly nursing, for it is as necessary for you to be in uniform then as that you should not be on the street.

I will make and send you at once a long light-weight coat, or rather you may select and buy one for yourself.

Yes, dear, I think your plain white silk mull will be just the thing to wear to your banquets. How thoughtful of those noble women to give you these occasions! It will be a splendid experience for you, because everything will be conducted in just the best way. You will no doubt see many there in striking evening costumes, but you will also see some in very plain dresses. Study their faces and make their acquaintance if you can. They are the people you want to know.

It was my privilege a short time since, to attend a banquet given a gentleman of note. The entire senior class of Mills College girls was present. They sat together at one table. I never saw a more pleasing sight. Every one was appropriately dressed. One with auburn hair wore a pale sea-green dress with a single bunch of violets. Another with moderate coloring wore white trimmed in pale pink. Another with very high coloring wore pure white. There was not one with unduly exposed neck and arms. It was noticeable that not one wore any artificial hair or head decorations, not even a roll or a false puff. I am sure there was not one powdered face. To any right-minded person in attendance the picture must have spoken volumes for the school.

My mother used to quote to me the saying, "O consistency, thou art a jewel!" This is a good safeguard to carry about with you.

Study to know the fitness of things. To some this knowledge comes as a gift, others must learn it. A few suggestions will be helpful:

Never try to appear what you are not. Never assume to know what you do not. Never be ashamed to dress and act in keeping with the position that for the time being it is necessary you should occupy. Learn to know and keep your place. You will in no way be belittled by it, tho that place for the time being be very obscure. Do not feel abashed, when found in low estate, by the high and noble. The truly wise will think none the less of you, possibly more. Never appear anywhere, even in your most private apartments, with unkept hair or untidy dress, and you will never have occasion to be mortified at your appearance, whoever sees you.

Never do anything to be ashamed of, and you will never be ashamed.

Let your street dress be always quiet and well kept. Any style or mode of dress calculated to fix attention, is unbecoming a modest girl.

Apologize only when apology is due, never to cover a neglect. Emerson says: "If you visit your friend, why need you apologize for not having visited him, and waste his time and deface your own act? Visit him now. Let him feel that the highest love has come to see him, in thee its lowest organ. Or why need you torment yourself and friend by secret self-reproaches that you have not assisted him or complimented him with gifts and salutations heretofore? Be a gift and a benediction. Shine with real light, and not the borrowed reflections of gifts. Common men are apologies for men; they bow the head, they excuse themselves with prolix reasons, they accumulate appearances, because the substance is not."

Never speak of your own trials except to your most intimate friends.

Be careful about interrupting others. Avoid doing anything that will annoy others in any way. In your profession you have special need to study your relations to others from this point of view.

Cultivate a quiet manner of speech, a pleasing voice.

Study to bring cheer, but avoid lightness.

Learn to open and close doors softly.

Avoid familiarity except with bosom friends of long standing.

Learn to use the language of flowers in giving expressions of sympathy to those in affliction. Many times these silent messages are more helpful than any words we may frame.

Above all things be loyal.

Simplicity of heart supplemented by deep, sincere love of God and man, are the prime requisites. And their natural expression will meet the needs of the hour. There is a hymn we sing, the author of which must have had a genuine experience in God's ways:

At first I prayed for light; Could I but see the way, How gladly, swiftly would I walk To everlasting day! And next I prayed for strength, That I might tread the road With firm, unfaltering feet, and win The heaven's serene abode. And then I asked for faith; Could I but trust my God, I'd live unfolded in His peace, Tho foes were all abroad. But now I pray for love, Deep love to God and man; A living love that will not fail, However dark His plan. And light and strength and faith Are opening everywhere! God waited patiently until I prayed the larger prayer.