p. 62 | A Word To Mothers

Pacific Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Oakland, California · Feb 20, 1879

A Word To Mothers.

The responsibility of mothers is a subject much dwelt upon, yet but few are awake to what is required of them. There are some mothers who indulge their children. They indulge their sons until they are nuisances to every one because they do not wish to "break the boy's spirit." Small wonder that such children grow up to break the mother's heart in return for this mistaken tenderness. It is not for one's self, it is not even for others, for society at large, that children should be taught self-control. These profit indirectly by such education, but the children themselves reap the direct benefits, for he that has been taught to regulate his desires and actions is infinitely more happy than he, who, ungoverned and ungovernable, chafes always against bounds which he must find somewhere. There are two or three other wholesome truths which mothers ought to keep in mind, and which would render education much more easy and generally good.

First, it is from them, and only them, that their children should receive their education, and they have no right whatever to delegate that task to another or to spoil their children by alternate indulgence and severity. If a thing is forbidden one day and permitted the next without any good reason, is the child to blame that it disregards other prohibitions? This governing by fits and starts, is worse than no government; as some one has said: "It is possible to train a child that has been taught nothing; it is impossible to train a child who has been badly taught." Thus a wild horse from the prairies is more easily brought into perfect training than the domestic animal whose mouth has been spoiled and his gait ruined by unskillful horsemanship.

Secondly, the absolute obedience to which the child should be trained is meant to conduce to his future happiness—not as a punishment, but to prevent punishment. "Even Christ pleased not himself," and happiness lies not in having one's own way, but in ruling that way in moderating the desires and passions—not in allowing them unlimited sway. The baby who cries for the moon must be taught that it is beyond his reach, not bribed into quiet by a tin counterfeit. Above all, it is necessary to remember that example is more powerful than precept. It is useless to endeavor to make a child control his temper if you give way to your own, to tell him to be truthful while you are not strictly so; to inculcate neatness while careless of your own dress; and St. Paul's injunction to eat no meat lest you cause your brother to offend, is doubly appropriate in regard to your children; the little folks are keen observers, and will not respect you unless you are worthy. Be careful not to impose unnecessary instructions—to forbid nothing without reason. It is well to infuse into every child's mind the wholesome principle of self-respect, to teach him that certain things are to be avoided and others cultivated, not because you say so, but because of his own dignity and social position. So should they be taught in their earliest years that certain things are for their good, that gentleness, unselfishness, and neatness are not only admirable in themselves and pleasant in their family circle, but that they make their possessor welcome in the outer world, and are excellent capital to begin life upon.—Sel.