3219.—A Question of Conscience, Principle, and Expediency
By Editor
If a young woman marries a man that is supposed to be reformed from drinking intoxicating liquors, or promises her before marriage that he will not drink, and did not drink after he made the promise until after they were married, do you think that in the sight of God it would be right for that young woman to depart from him, not seeking a divorce; or should she stay and bear with him, hoping that he could be made better by the wife living with him? HAWAII. This is one of the hard, hard questions which it is impossible for one to settle for another. In the first place any young woman whatsoever is taking an awful risk when she agrees to marry a man who has been a drunkard and drinks right up to nearly the time of his marriage, breaking only for a short time because he feels he can secure the woman in no other way. We would like to plead with the girls of the world to put him on a longer, stronger test than that. A man never is safe who will not give up such habits, not because of the girl's sake whom he hopes to win, but from the evil of the thing itself. Secondly, of course she married him with the expectation that the habit would be given up. That does not form a part of the marriage ceremony. In that she takes him for better or for worse; but in the worse of course she did not expect that he was going to become a drunkard. Yet she is united with him, and in the marriage sense they are one flesh. He has proved false to his promise to her; shall she prove true to her marriage vow, and continue to live with him? This is a matter which she herself must settle. Is he cruel? Is her life in danger? Does he make existence intolerable and unbearable? Is there prospect that children will be brought into the world with the drunkard's mark upon them? These are things that should be considered; and if these are probabilities, we see no reason why she should not separate from him, not in the way of divorce, as she suggests, but a final separation. But if on the other hand he is not cruel, if he is truly endeavoring to reform, it may be possible that she herself can help him on in that way. If so, she must have his cooperation; and there are many ways in which help can be gotten by right living, by placing before him right food, by making home pleasant, the most inviting place in the world, by inducing him if possible to leave off the other habits which he may have that would feed the drink appetite. One of these is tobacco; another is strong, stimulating foods, highly seasoned food. To the drunkard, flesh-eating is a stimulant; so also is the drinking of strong tea or coffee, and the use of hot condiments, like pepper. If he is anxious and willing, he does not know how much these reforms would help him in overcoming the appetite. These are the denials on his part; then if he will seek God, God will come in with His great grace and give him victory. Can she help him to win such victory? See 1 Cor. 7:10-16. There may be principles there which will aid our inquirer. May God give her and others of whom she stands as a type special wisdom and grace; for this is not one lone letter or one lone case, there are many such all over the land.