p. 46 | A Confession by E. W. Waters

Publishing Committee · Battle Creek, Mich. · Dec 30, 1858

A Confession.

By E. W. Waters

I CONFESS that I am in a very dark state of mind, and have so little sense of my true condition that I hardly dare undertake so important a work. O the lack I feel of that brokenness of heart and deep contrition of spirit that I so much need. I do confess that when the cause of God was suffering, and its true friends were few, I turned my back upon it, and exercised what little influence I had against the commandments of God and the testimony of Jesus, and on the side of the enemies of truth; and in this way I partook of their spirit, and became an enemy to the truths I once hoped to be sanctified through, and saved. When the so-called "Messenger of Truth" was published, I vainly thought it might be right; but I confess, in lending my influence to that slanderous sheet, the Messenger, I have done incalculable mischief. I realize but very faintly the deep anguish of soul I have caused all the lovers of the cause of truth, especially the sorrow of heart of those entrusted with the advancement of this cause, as Bro. and sister White, and the publishers, and preachers and defenders of the law of God, and of the testimony of Jesus Christ. I dare not pretend that I have any just sense of what the above named class have suffered from my unholy influence; but I am truly sorry that my influence was exercised against this cause and against those that were trying to hold it up. I know the cause has been wounded, and I know every one that loves it has been wounded also by my course, as far as it has been known to them, and my desire is that all these wounds may be healed at my expense. The price cannot be too great required at my hand. Whether I am able to cancel the debt or not, my desire is that the honor and advancement of this injured cause may take the lead of every mind in regard to myself. While under this unholy influence I was active, and thought I could see great things, and became possessed with an exalted spirit. I thought I could see many errors among the leaders, and vainly thought I could stand alone; but my shame and nakedness was discovered to me when at the Brookfield conference, Oct. 16th, 17th. Then the subject of present truth by Brn. Loughborough and White was made so plain that I could not but rejoice to see such consistency, and such harmony; and the testimony of Jesus was so clearly presented, that I could see that by my opposition to the visions, I was rejecting the Spirit. I now see that the commandments of God and the testimony of Jesus, (which testimony embraces all the gifts of the Holy Spirit ever given to man,) are a sure and immovable foundation, and will triumph in spite of all the unbelief of men or rage of Devils. And to all the wounded ones by me, from the slanderous sheet or otherwise, I do not feel that I have even approached the merits of my just deserts. All that I can ask at your hands is, that you will ask for me a spirit of heart-felt repentance, and then it may be I shall be prepared to seek your pardon. I am dark and lonely, sad and tried. E. W. WATERS. Norwich, N. Y., Nov. 1858.