Colossians 3:13, commentary and pictures

Forbearing one another and forgiving one another means patiently bearing with each other and pardoning each other whenever anyone has a quarrel or grievance against another. It is spoken to those risen with Christ and dead to earthly things, who have put off anger, wrath, malice, impure speech and lying with the old man and have put on the new man renewed after the image of the Creator where all earthly distinctions disappear in Christ. Christ's forgiveness is the exact measure and pattern to be copied, even as He forgave so believers must do, because those who live daily dependent on His mercy and purchased by His blood are under sacred obligation to show others the same sympathy and tender compassion He has shown them. Such forbearance and forgiveness are genuine fruit of righteousness and of the Spirit proving a living connection with Christ, not gained by confidence in self but by entire surrender, constant watchfulness, unceasing prayer, and letting the grace of Christ energize the soul. Heeded fully, it shapes daily life in church, work and home, harmonizing varied minds into one mind without division, expelling harsh criticism and faultfinding, restoring the erring in meekness, and bringing peace, happiness and a convincing witness of genuine faith.

Meaning and Scriptural Setting

The command is to bear patiently with one another and to forgive one another whenever anyone has a quarrel, complaint or grievance against another. Forgiveness is not optional or occasional but is required toward anyone against whom such a grievance exists, with Christ's forgiveness of believers as the example, measure, model and pattern to be followed exactly. It belongs with mercy, kindness, humility and humbleness of mind, meekness and patience as part of the new life in Christ.

It is spoken to those risen with Christ, dead to earth and to the world with life hid with Christ in God, who will appear with Him in glory. Such have put off with the old man anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy speech and lying, and have put on the new man renewed in knowledge after the image of the Creator and of Him that created him. In that new man Greek and Jew, circumcision and uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond and free disappear, because Christ is all and in all. The pledge is made in baptism in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, buried with Christ and raised to newness of life, dead by baptism and called out to be separate from worldly methods and practices, to represent the life of Christ and practice the virtues of the Saviour's character.

Forbearing and forgiving are to be put on as the elect of God, holy and beloved and chosen, together with bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness and longsuffering. Above all is to be put charity, pure unselfish love, as the bond of perfectness and of completeness in character. With it the peace of God is to rule in the heart in one body with thankfulness, the word of Christ and of God to dwell richly in wisdom in teaching, admonishing and singing, and all in word or deed to be done in the name of the Lord Jesus.

This is the character God's holy and beloved elect must develop to make their calling and election sure and receive the future reward. It marks a clear distinction between those who serve God by keeping His commandments and those who disobey Him, requiring separation from the disobedient in this life. It is part of the perfection God requires, nothing less than perfection, and part of the Bible standard requiring living faith, so that reaching it gives the right to claim the precious promises of Jehovah. That forbearing and forgiving does not come by confidence in self, for daily self is not to be trusted, but by grasping God's promises with firm faith and asking for the Holy Spirit with full realization of helplessness, when the Holy Spirit takes the heart into His keeping and brings to it all the bright beams of the Sun of Righteousness, and the believer is kept by the power of God through faith with no glory to self.

The instruction is to shape daily life and help create a happier state of life. Practiced in daily relationships it brings peace, and is presented as a remedy for troubles in families and the church and as part of the conduct of converted, sanctified people. It helps leave unbelievers with a favorable impression of the truth and gives a convincing witness to genuine Christian faith. Forgiveness toward others is joined to seeking God's forgiveness, for people ask God to treat them with the mercy they extend, and an unforgiving spirit is incompatible with that plea, while Christ's mercy and His death to redeem others obligate believers to show others the same sympathy, tender compassion and unselfish love.

Christ's Forgiveness as Pattern

The forgiveness Christ has extended to believers is the exact measure, model and pattern for the forgiveness they owe one another, so that as he forgave them they must also forgive whenever anyone has a grievance against another. That pattern includes his forgiveness of his enemies, to be imitated in patience with one another in the household where faultfinding and harshness are replaced with peace, joy and rest.

Because Christ died to redeem others, believers are bound to show those he died for the same sympathy, tender compassion and unselfish love he has shown them. They have been purchased by his blood and are precious, so they must be treated with carefulness, tenderness of spirit, kindness, courtesy and refinement of feeling, as each desires to be treated, and not with a harsh, dictatorial spirit, sharp words, harsh criticisms and denunciations that discourage the soul. People live day to day dependent on mercy and must continually seek forgiveness, and should Christ deal with them as heartlessly as they deal with one another there would be no hope for them. God bears with perversity and continual transgression and is ever ready to forgive when sinners see their mistakes, repent and humble themselves, and if he kept a reckoning the debt against them would be great, so no one can trust in his own goodness but only in the abounding mercy of Jesus who forgives transgressions and pardons sins. When the greatness of that mercy and the boundlessness of that love are realized, believers become partakers of the divine nature and manifest the same tender spirit of compassionate forbearance, mercy and love, ready to forgive others. No provocation can be so grievous as to authorize harboring dislike, resentment and retaliation. Enjoying peace and love together requires putting away sin and coming into harmony with God, which brings harmony with one another, for love, joy and peace are fruit of the Spirit while discord and strife are the work of Satan and the fruit of sin. Where this forbearance and forgiveness are practiced, selfish ambition and desire for supremacy die when Christ takes possession of the affections, the peace of God rules in hearts called in one body, thankfulness abounds, and all done in word or deed is done in his name, without which talents, learning and eloquence are meaningless.

His forbearance is greater than any human forbearance, for without it humanity would be extinguished, and it is the measure for how believers treat one another and the remedy for dissension. Copying his pattern means coming into sympathy with him and remembering how he made himself of no reputation, came to a world seared and marred with the curse, toiled day and night to instruct, elevate and bring everlasting joy to a thankless disobedient people, became poor that they through his poverty might be rich, denied himself, endured privation, scorn, contempt, suffering and death, and took the form of a servant. It means having his tenderness for all the sheep and lambs of his fold, caring for his heritage and cherishing tender compassion for the erring, tempted and tried.

Forgiveness toward others is joined to seeking God's forgiveness, for people ask God to treat them with the mercy they extend, and an unforgiving spirit is incompatible with that plea. People seeking forgiveness from God must forgive others in the same manner and measure as they hope to be forgiven, showing pity and affection rather than hard-heartedness, since God freely offers pardon even to those who do not deserve it. They must forgive those who have wronged them whether or not the offenders admit fault, showing them compassion, letting go of grievances, and not dwelling on injuries, because they hope for God's pardon for their own offenses. The way people treat one another is how the Lord will treat them, so being unforgiving, especially toward fellow believers, is a serious wrong even when others are rude or seem to have done wrong. Applied to parents and children, when children yield to temptation then recognize and repent of their wrong, parents should forgive them as freely as they hope to be forgiven by the Father in heaven.

Believers must treat others just as Christ treats them — mercifully, tenderly, forgiving transgressions and mistakes — instead of with an exacting spirit that magnifies little things and forces personal ideas on others in a strong, unreasonable manner. Heard and received fully, this command converts the soul and brings the heart under the subduing influence of the Spirit. It means loving others as Christ has loved, being melted and subdued and transformed by grace, representing Christ and not the enemy in life and character, and showing tender sympathy and care to fellow workers with kindness, Christlike politeness, respect and deference.

New Life and Character

Forbearing one another and forgiving any quarrel even as Christ forgave is genuine fruit of righteousness and fruit of the Spirit, proving a living connection with Christ and manifesting the spirit of Christ in converted, sanctified people. It belongs to those who have put on the new life in Christ and to the renewed life as fruits of keeping covenant with God. It is put on as the elect of God holy and beloved with bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness and longsuffering, crowned by charity as the bond of perfectness, with the peace of God ruling in the heart in one body, thankfulness, and the word of Christ dwelling richly in teaching, admonishing and singing with grace in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs. Love, joy and peace are the fruit of the Spirit, while discord and strife are the work of Satan and the fruit of sin, and enjoying peace and love together requires putting away sin and coming into harmony with God, which brings harmony with one another. It forbids thinking evil, speaking evil, harboring prejudice and evil-surmising, suspicion, jealousy, unjust criticism, picking faults, and unkind uncharitable thoughts and feelings, and requires learning silence, having fewer words, closing the heart to suspicion and thinking no evil, so that the grace of Christ comes into the soul and is revealed in the character and the peace of Christ pervades the soul.

The forgiving spirit is pledged in baptism in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit into Christ's death and resurrection and belongs to walking in newness of life as those dead to sin and risen with Christ whose life is hid with Christ in God. Those baptized are pledged to represent the life of Christ and practice the virtues of the Saviour's character, and schools in different localities must educate students in this thorough knowledge of Christian character to fit them for mission work in any part of the vineyard under intellectual and divine enlightenment and the sanctification of the Holy Spirit. The power and grace of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit await the believer's call to make them victors who deny no part of Christ, guard weak points of character, keep from Satan's trap and seducing and evil spirits, and fulfill the command to be perfect even as the Father in heaven is perfect. This forgiveness is the condition of the heart God looks at rather than house or land, holding fast to truth and loving the Lord with heart and mind and soul and strength by receiving His love in prayer to impart it to others. Christ's grace received through faith enables believers to put away differences and faultfinding and to practice kindness, compassion, forbearance, meekness, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, hope and love daily, so that disciples live in unity and the harmony of the church bears witness that God sent His Son to give grace, light and truth.

This character does not come by confidence in self, for daily self is not to be trusted. It demands an individual experience obtained through constant watchfulness and unceasing prayer and close examination of the heart for kind thoughts and feelings toward others and a meek and lowly spirit. It means entire surrender of self and doing the expressed will of God from the heart without any reservation of selfish indulgence, doing the work that presents itself, overcoming all pride and self-indulgence to enter the abodes of bliss, and letting light shine in good works to glorify the Father in heaven. It comes by grasping God's promises with firm faith and asking for the Holy Spirit with full realization of helplessness, and only by the power of the grace of Christ energizing the soul. Then when the Holy Spirit works self is given no glory, the Holy Spirit takes the heart into His keeping and brings to it all the bright beams of the Sun of Righteousness, and the believer is kept by the power of God through faith, bringing rest and the riches of health and spiritual blessing which agonizing struggles in prayers and tears for special victories and blessings to do some great thing cannot give.

Heeded fully, the command molds the whole religious experience to the divine likeness and is the work to be carried on in every sanitarium and in churches and schools in coming up to a higher plan of action to be ready to meet the Lord. This forgiving spirit guards weak points of character with the rigor proclaimed by Christ the pattern man and keeps believers from Satan's trap and seducing and evil spirits. Heeding it preserves influence for good, for when Christ's peace is given place in the heart speech becomes gentle with the gentleness of Christ and words and manner become pleasant and courteous instead of harsh, abrupt and repelling that leads others to doubt whether one is a Christian and displeases God. Practical religion is not an outside garment but reaches to the very inmost being, bringing the heart into harmony with God and into active communion with Jesus Christ, hiding in Christ covered with humility as with a garment, having fulness of joy and singing the praises of God out of a full heart, teaching one another and speaking in the tenderness of Christ with kindness and tenderness and respect among all laborers so no one tears down another's work.

The verse means practicing the truth in words, in spirit and in action, with all lowliness of mind and a humble, contrite spirit, walking humbly with God and refusing self-sufficiency and self-choosing. It means putting away envy and jealousy and making room for meekness, gentleness, patience, kindness and love in dealing with one another, God's mercy being the reason to do so. Forbearance belongs among the qualities that should replace envy, malice, hatred and unbelief in the heart, with believers treating one another with patience and forbearance.

Unity in Church Service

Bringing different temperaments together in the church, the command to bear with and forgive one another is the practical work God assigns for harmonizing believers to be of one mind and one judgment with no division, from which no one is excused and which demands an individual experience through constant watchfulness and unceasing prayer. No provision is given to draw apart, to choose only one's own society, or to separate from brethren over ideas and plans, but believers must link together, refuse self-choosing and self-sufficiency, and walk humbly with God in unity and love that reveals Christ's character. As God's holy and beloved elect this means putting on mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness and longsuffering, and above all charity as the bond of perfectness, letting the peace of God rule in hearts called in one body with thankfulness and letting the word dwell richly in wisdom with teaching, admonishing and singing, doing all in the name of the Lord Jesus. It requires striving to be one as Christ is one with the Father, being likeminded with the same love, giving up insistence that one's own course and reasoning are right without modification, and letting the religion of Jesus bless and transform like leaven in meal. This forbearance and forgiveness, following Christ's example, supports the kindness, courtesy and brotherly love through which Christians reveal Christ, including across nations where national prejudices and jealousies are broken down.

The same bearing and forgiving is required of those in positions of responsibility toward every fellow worker, replacing self-centeredness with kindness and unity and calling those engaged in God's work to be Christlike in practice so they bless rather than harm the work. It is the high, holy standard by which God's institutions are to be cleansed and uplifted, to be brought into practical life in every institution with lowliness and meekness keeping the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace, and to be carried on in every sanitarium and in churches and schools in coming up to a higher plan of action to be ready to meet the Lord. Those risen with Christ, dead to earth with life hid with Christ in God and seeking things above where Christ sits at the right hand of God, must put on this character with charity as the bond of perfectness, the peace of God ruling in the heart, thankfulness, and the word dwelling richly in teaching and singing, acknowledging the Saviour's right to homage and obedience and increasing faith in Him to whom all power is given. Schools established in different localities must so educate and prepare students in this thorough knowledge of Christian character, under intellectual and divine enlightenment and the sanctification of the Holy Spirit pledged in baptism into Christ's death and resurrection, to give fitness for work in Christian missions in any part of the Lord's vineyard. Excelling in practicing it with eating the flesh and drinking the blood of the Son of God is the only lawful strife.

The verse expels a cold, critical, sarcastic, harsh and dictatorial spirit with sharp words, denunciations, harsh criticisms, evil speaking, accusing, faultfinding, misrepresenting brethren, suspicion, jealousy and unjust criticism, which wound and discourage fellow workers, drive out the love of Jesus, and do the enemy's work. In its place must come a melted heart with tenderness of spirit, kindness, courtesy and refinement of feeling learned in the school of Christ, treating others as one desires to be treated and as those purchased by the blood of Christ and precious with God, and not daring to exhibit objectionable traits of character. For Christ identifies Himself with suffering humanity, so that wounding a brother wounds Jesus Himself, bruising the soul a fellow worker was sent to encourage. Loyalty to Christ demands this different class of work, loving others as Christ has loved, being melted and subdued and transformed by grace, showing tender sympathy and care to fellow workers with Christlike politeness, respect and deference, and being to others all that the name Christian signifies, which means Christlike. Unless the love of Jesus is brought into life no one abides in Christ, and to steal His name while misrepresenting Him is to pass counterfeit for genuine, injuring true Christians and breeding suspicion and unbelief. Thinking evil, harboring prejudice and evil-surmising, and unkind uncharitable thoughts are sin and offensive to God, requiring learning silence, having fewer words, closing the heart to suspicion and thinking no evil, so that the grace of Christ comes into the soul and the peace of Christ pervades it.

In practice this means restoring one overtaken in fault in meekness and bearing one another's burdens, working to restore not destroy and to lift up not cast down, healing the broken-hearted, remembering the bound as bound with them, and loosing burdens and letting the oppressed go free. It means copying the pattern of Him who made Himself of no reputation, came to a world seared and marred with the curse, toiled to instruct, elevate and bring everlasting joy to a thankless disobedient people, became poor that they through His poverty might be rich, and endured privation, scorn, suffering and death as a servant. Toward fellow laborers it forbids harsh speech and acts, reproaching struggling workers, watching for defects, criticizing instead of helping, and seeking selfish gain at the expense of the pale, worn, sick and needy, and requires tender love, encouragement, fellowship and patient help that lifts fellow laborers, especially the young, inexperienced and untrained, into hope, courage and service. It calls for overlooking minor differences and yielding personal opinions on matters of little importance so fellow workers can cooperate in brotherly kindness, always with Christlike courtesy though with firm speech when needed. Forgiveness extends even to fellow workers who have made mistakes or have not supported one's plans, going with gratitude, appreciation and pursuit of harmony, and to a brother who recognizes his wrong and is trying to change it responds with warmth and practical help rather than coldness or withdrawal, to strengthen him and help him overcome, showing pitying love like Christ's without cloaking sin.

Where this forbearance and forgiveness are practiced, the peace of God rules in hearts called in one body, thankfulness abounds, and all done in word or deed is done in the name of the Lord Jesus. Selfish ambition and desire for supremacy die when Christ takes possession of the affections, for without this heavenly love talents, learning and eloquence are meaningless, while discord and strife are the work of Satan and fruit of sin, and enjoying peace and love together requires putting away sin and coming into harmony with God which brings harmony with one another. Heeding the command preserves influence for good, for when Christ's peace is given place in the heart speech becomes gentle with the gentleness of Christ and words and manner become pleasant and courteous instead of harsh, abrupt and repelling that leads others to doubt whether one is a Christian and displeases God. Practicing these principles in daily relationships brings peace, leaves unbelievers with a favorable impression of the truth, and gives a convincing witness to genuine Christian faith. The harmony of the church thus bears witness to the world that God sent His Son to give grace, light and truth, as believers put away differences and faultfinding and cherish daily kindness, compassion, meekness, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, hope and love.

Forbearance in Home Life

Forbearing one another and forgiving one another as Christ forgave is a sacred duty of home life and a remedy for troubles in families as well as in the church, belonging to the conduct of converted, sanctified people. In the household it replaces faultfinding and harshness with peace, joy and rest in the Lord, calling for tender affection, kind speech and checking hasty words so that hardness and lack of love are not shown. Forbearance there belongs with patience, meekness, humility and courtesy as marks of Christ's followers, so that scolding is set aside because it makes family life unhappy and can help break up a family, as in the charge that Addie must not scold May. Tender sympathy and mutual forbearance that make allowance for one another rather than blaming or censuring unfairly make the home peaceful and welcome to holy angels.

Husband and wife must bear with one another, be kind to one another, and forgive even when closer acquaintance after the novelty of marriage passes brings dislike of each other's ways and manners. Both knew when making the vow before God and holy angels that neither was perfect, and imperfection is no excuse for breaking the marriage vow; when a husband finds his wife erring and full of faults he must not be bitter against her, because bitterness of spirit will not remedy the evil. Training mind and heart not to allow distrust and hatred to come in, bringing the will to aid and acting conscientiously in the fear of God, lets love that seems dead rise again and increase day by day until in time it excludes all bitterness and disappointment, a duty made urgent because the judgment is near. It means in married life yielding to one another and forbearing in judgment, word, tone and act, forbidding a dictatorial, overbearing, arbitrary spirit, harsh and irritable tones of voice, and even playful bantering, joking and censuring of one another, because these wound, sacrifice peace and endanger happiness. It requires being ever careful and tender of each other's feelings, watching words before speaking, speaking kindly with only love, gentleness and mildness in countenance and voice, yielding judgment sometimes and not persisting even when one's own course appears right, and keeping fresh the little courtesies of life, the tender acts and the tender, cheerful, encouraging words, so husband and wife elevate one another, shed sunlight and no cloud, and make their own happiness by conforming to the Word of God. When bitter words have been spoken between them they must get the victory over every wrong word and action, be united, bear with each other and help each other along to the kingdom, and then they will have strength, being very humble before the Lord and praying much for grace, and when feeling wrong, not talking but going to God in prayer for strength and grace to overcome; and when one speaks hastily, prompt confession and taking back the words can heal the hurt and restore peace.

Parents and children are to show mutual kindness, patience and forbearance, with parents making allowance for their children's changing moods and troubles, soothing them with tender sympathy, and not excusing in themselves irritability they would condemn in their children. When children give in to temptation, then recognize and repent of their wrong, parents should forgive them as freely as they hope to be forgiven by their Father in heaven. Parents must manifest a kindly, forbearing spirit in the home and encourage the same spirit in their children, with forbearance belonging with cheerfulness, courtesy and love and with all the graces that brighten home life. They are to let love, cheerfulness and happy contentment fill their own hearts and pervade the home, surrounding children with an atmosphere of cheerfulness, courtesy and love expressed in looks, words and acts, and a home where this love dwells is a place where angels delight to be present. The atmosphere thus created is to children what air and sunshine are to plants, promoting health and vigor of mind and body.

Children should bear with one another, avoid bringing petty complaints to their parents, and seek to preserve one another's confidence and respect. The same patience, kindness and long-suffering required in the companionship God has given binds parents and children, masters and servants, employers and employed, so that they may walk together in love and serve in the work of saving souls. Forbearing and forgiving one another as Christ forgave is part of the duty and doctrine learned from the Word under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, binding on them as Christ's ambassadors carrying a message of truth to the people, requiring the whole heart consecrated to God to be molded after the divine similitude in the great work that will be cut short in righteousness.

Daily Practice of Forgiveness

No provocation, however grievous, gives permission to harbor dislike, resentment, or retaliation, for daily dependence on divine mercy requires continual seeking of forgiveness, and if the same heartlessness shown to others were returned there would be no hope. Divine forbearance bears with perversity and continual transgression and stands ever ready to forgive when mistakes are seen, repented, and humbled before God, whereas keeping a reckoning would leave a great debt against the sinner. No one can trust in personal goodness but only in abounding mercy that forgives transgressions and pardons sins, and realizing the greatness of that mercy and boundlessness of that love makes partakers of the divine nature who manifest the same tender spirit of compassionate forbearance, mercy, and love in readiness to forgive others. When wrongly accused, the wronged are to speak no retaliatory words but to seek peace through patience and forbearance.

The command forbids thinking evil and speaking evil, harboring prejudice and evil-surmising, suspicion, jealousy, unjust criticism, fault-picking, and unkind uncharitable thoughts and feelings, which are sin, offensive to God, and doing the enemy's work. It requires learning silence, having fewer words, closing the heart to suspicion, thinking no evil, putting away differences and faultfinding, and holding back free-flowing words of bitterness that bruise the soul of others and one's own soul still more. It forbids marking objectionable features in others, calling attention to faults of brethren, imparting evil surmising, awakening suspicion and jealousy, distributing evil speaking that creates heartburnings, distrust, and roots of bitterness defiling many, acting as sin-bearer, sitting on the judgment seat, dissecting character, criticizing delegated servants, and complaining and fretting over supposed defects. Instead of judging or condemning motives, doubtful conduct is to be given the best possible construction, with tender sympathy shown when feelings are hurt or tempers tried. Envy, malice, hatred, and unbelief are to be replaced in the heart by patience and forbearance in mutual treatment.

Those who feel wronged should go directly to the other person, admit their own unchristian feelings, ask forgiveness, and choose to forgive what they believed was injury. Remembering how much personal need exists for the Lord's forgiveness encourages humility, reconciliation, unity, and shared prayer. When one speaks hastily, prompt confession and taking back the words can heal the hurt and restore peace, as spouses bear patiently with each other's errors and mistakes and forgive one another.

Living among persons of varied minds and different temperaments requires kindness, forbearance, and love brought into Christian character, since others differ no more than self differs from them. By mutual contact minds receive polish, refinement, and elevation, and because people are dependent upon one another they owe it to one another to cultivate forbearance, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, and love, bound together by human brotherhood. Forbearance is owed because people are not all constituted alike, God in wise purpose having bestowed varied gifts upon servants for the promotion of His kingdom, for the holiness and happiness of those united with the great Master-Worker in preparing a people to stand in the day of the Lord. Every God-given endowment is therefore to be rightly appreciated and rightly used, with meekness and lowliness of heart, patience under trial, willingness to forgive injuries, and determination to preserve the unity and harmony God declares should exist among His people.

Representing Christ means revealing forbearance and Christlike love in daily life while renouncing anything that hinders spiritual progress or turns another from the narrow path. Under trial the true penitent manifests kindness, charity, patience, and forgiveness of perceived injuries, and these humble fruits help endure the test while pressing toward perfection. Minor differences are to be overlooked and personal opinions on matters of little importance yielded so fellow workers can cooperate in brotherly kindness, with firm speech when needed but always with Christlike courtesy. A forgiving spirit is owed even to fellow workers who have made mistakes or have not supported one's plans, joined with gratitude, appreciation, and pursuit of harmony. Compassionate allowance is to replace selfish faultfinding and censuring, with regard for others' happiness, interests, and convenience, since peevishness and such traits damage Christian influence and usefulness.

In disagreements contention and bitterness must be rejected and one another treated with patience and love so unity and peace prevail. Sharp, dictatorial words are to be replaced with Christlike kindness and encouragement, including in treatment of the young, as part of the changed life of the true Christian shaped by Christ's example of forgiveness. Forgiveness is to be freely given as Christ forgave, so that making matters right with God also makes things right between people.