Ephesians 4:32, commentary and pictures

To be kind to one another, tender in heart, and ready to forgive one another because God has forgiven for Christ's sake is the plain demand of the verse. That kindness, compassion, and forgiveness stand against all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, and malice, with lying, uncontrolled anger, theft, and corrupting speech also put away for truthful, honest, edifying speech that does not grieve the Holy Spirit. Such a life is the fruit and proof of true conversion, in which the corrupt old self is put off, the mind is renewed, and the new self in righteousness and true holiness is put on. God freely forgives every sin without deserving on man's part through Christ who gave Himself and bore guilt for the unjust, and no one keeps that forgiveness while refusing it to others, for an unforgiving spirit cuts off the channel of mercy. This is God's appointed way to keep oneness in the church and in the home, where husband and wife bear with one another, parents forgive repentant children, and all speak only what builds up and heals, so that love to God and neighbor is seen and souls are drawn.

Words and Immediate Context

The command is to be kind to one another, tenderhearted, and forgiving one another after the pattern of God's forgiveness given for Christ's sake. Every person is to put away malice and live out this kindness, compassion, and forgiveness in practical life among fellow church members, encouraging one another while putting away bitterness, anger, clamor, evil speaking, and malice. The forgiveness to be extended rests on the same basis and follows the same pattern as God's forgiveness through Christ.

This kindness, tenderheartedness, and mutual forgiveness stand opposite all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, and malice, which are to be put away so the Holy Spirit, by whom believers are sealed unto the day of redemption, is not grieved. Retaliation, hatred, envy, jealousy, evil surmising, and impatience also belong to what must be laid aside, with forgiveness given just as freely as forgiveness is hoped for from God. The same turning requires growing up into Christ the head by speaking the truth in love rather than remaining children tossed by every wind of doctrine, leaving the former corrupt way of life with darkened understanding, and putting on a renewed mind and new life marked by righteousness and holiness. The words are clear instruction needing no explanation, and obedience to them belongs with being sealed by the Holy Spirit until the day of redemption.

The same context calls for putting away lying, uncontrolled anger, theft, giving place to the devil, and corrupt speech, and instead speaking truth with neighbors, laboring honestly in order to give to the needy, and letting no speech proceed except what is good for edifying and ministers grace. Truly learning Christ as the truth is in Jesus means putting off the old man corrupt according to deceitful lusts, being renewed in the spirit of the mind, and putting on the new man created after God in righteousness and true holiness, in contrast to claiming to believe and teach the Word while working unrighteousness. The talent of speech ranks among the highest gifts, so when the voice is improved and words are spoken under the sanctification of the Spirit they are of immeasurable value and great worth, building up hearers and imparting grace rather than corrupt talk, and showing gentleness, compassion, and readiness to pardon as God pardons through Christ.

The instruction is plain and solemn, to be read and impressed upon minds, studied and obeyed rather than ignored, disregarded, or treated with indifference, since only doers of the word receive the reward. It is a Bible lesson to be put into practice rather than shaped by personal ideas and opinions, and living its teaching makes believers strong in the Lord. The needed reformation reaches words, works, and spiritual understanding, turning from a hard spirit that is a stranger to the working of the Holy Spirit to daily catching the inspiration of angels, breathing the atmosphere of heaven, and living in kindness and tenderness instead of hardness.

As part of Ephesians 4 the verse belongs to God's plain and simple plan, which all His children may lay hold upon, declaring the means He appointed to keep unity in His church so its members reveal a healthy religious experience to the world. That life means obeying the commandments of God, being united in the faith of the Scriptures, being bound together as one in Christ with lives hid with Christ in God, practicing the golden rule of doing to others as one would have others do, bearing living testimony that the Father loves believers even as He loves His Son, appreciating God's great gift, using heaven's costly provision to draw souls to obedience to the law, cooperating as laborers together with God, becoming partakers of the divine nature having escaped corruption through lust, magnifying the law and making it honorable, and demonstrating that the law of the Lord is perfect in converting the soul. Managing God's work as a whole requires different gifts and lines of missionary work to blend and work in harmony with means, speech, and abilities united, rather than separating or concentrating power in one person through division. The chapter from Ephesians 4:1-32 through Ephesians 5 and Ephesians 6:10-18 also serves as warning and caution to rescue souls in peril who do not see their danger, set churches in order, close the door of unbelief, make straight paths so the weak are not turned aside, guard against the increasing seducing power of Satan who would deceive even the elect, gather every ray of light to substantiate the truth and bear aloft the third angel's message amid moral darkness, and keep unmoved the foundation of faith.

Conversion and Renewed Life

Kindness to one another, tenderheartedness, and forgiving one another as God for Christ's sake has forgiven are fruit and proof of true conversion. They show what it means to have truly learned Christ as the truth is in Jesus, in contrast to coming to the banquet of truth without eating the flesh and drinking the blood of the Son of God while claiming to believe and teach the Word yet working unrighteousness. True learning is to put off the former old man corrupt according to deceitful lusts, to be renewed in the spirit of the mind, and to put on the new man created after God in righteousness and true holiness. This means no longer walking in vanity of mind, but putting away lying and speaking truth with neighbors, being angry without sin and not letting wrath remain, giving no place to the devil, stealing no more but laboring honestly in order to give to the needy, letting no corrupt speech proceed but only what edifies and ministers grace, not grieving the Holy Spirit by whom believers are sealed unto the day of redemption, and putting away all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil-speaking with all malice. These qualities must be lived out continually in serving God, with Christ's power to subdue self revealed in daily life.

Christ gave Himself for human sin and bore guilt, the just for the unjust, to reveal God's love and draw people to Him, and as He dwells in a person His love is revealed through that person, bringing hope to the hopeless and peace to the sin-stricken. Receiving God's mercy calls people to show His grace to others, with the love of Jesus correcting and changing character. The Holy Spirit works to restore God's moral image in them and to make Christ's character visible. The church consists of imperfect people being trained in Christ, so believers are to make wrongs right where possible and confess sins to one another, and Christ living in the heart supplies what is lacking. Practiced kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness belong to a renewed Christian experience that strengthens rather than harms others and makes their path clear, and as they are practiced the light of the Sun of righteousness shines into mind and soul.

Obedience is proved in humble confessions to one another, and a decided break from unkindness must take place before the Spirit of the Lord will come in and have free course and be glorified. Those forgiven must forgive erring brethren, cherishing kindness, love, and a forgiving spirit toward them just as often as Christ forgives. Overcoming at last is not because of own righteousness but through the righteousness of Christ and the long forbearance, mercy, and forgiveness of God. A forgiving spirit toward brethren is indispensable to receiving forgiveness from God, and without kindness, love, and forgiveness toward brethren a person will not be among those God forgives.

Living the verse means no longer being children tossed by every wind of doctrine but growing up into Christ the head by speaking the truth in love. It belongs with putting away lying and speaking truth, putting away all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking with all malice, letting no corrupt communication proceed from the mouth but only what is good for edifying, so as not to grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom believers are sealed unto the day of redemption. It belongs with coming into the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God and edifying the body of Christ in love. Showing love and extending forgiveness in return for what God has granted through Christ is hearing the voice of Christ and doing His will, which makes a person the wise builder on the rock whose structure storm and tempest cannot destroy, and it is working together with Christ for time and for eternity.

God's Forgiveness Received

God for Christ's sake forgives all sins freely, with no equivalent rendered by man, though sinners seeking freedom do not deserve it. Christ gave Himself for human sin and bore its guilt, the just for the unjust, to reveal God's love and draw people to Him. That forgiveness cleanses from all unrighteousness.

God accepts and forgives those who repent of past violations of His law, believe, and resolve to obey in the future. Those who have received this forgiveness must keep walking by faith and advancing in the truth rather than stopping at light already received.

Forgiveness must be learned as a practiced art, exercised toward brethren just as often as Christ forgives. It is to be given in the same manner and to the same extent as one hopes to be forgiven, never withholding it because others seem unworthy and never asking God to deal better than one deals with others. It is to be joined with compassion toward those who have done evil, whether or not they confess or repent, without clinging to grievances or dwelling on injuries.

A forgiving spirit toward brethren is indispensable to receiving forgiveness from God, and must be heeded in order to expect it. An unforgiving spirit cuts off the channel through which God's mercy is received. Prayers for forgiveness are heard only when offered in a forgiving spirit, and hard-heartedness toward one another is not Christlike but savors of the satanic. A spirit of retaliation must be put away for the Holy Spirit to dwell in the heart, with forgiving love and lenience shown rather than retaliation. This leniency is to be practiced in the present day of grace, before Christ's intercession ends and no further pardon is offered.

Remembering how much one needs the Lord's forgiveness turns people from dwelling on others' faults to admitting their own wrongs, asking forgiveness directly, forgiving perceived injuries, and seeking unity in prayer. Wrongdoing should be made right where possible, and errors and sins confessed to one another, with no provocation excusing the harboring of unkindness and malice by imperfect believers who may have spoken or thought unkindly. A heart changed by beholding the Saviour does not dwell on slights or let small things destroy its peace, but rests in Jesus' knowledge and care for every soul.

Church Unity and Witness

The verse declares the means appointed to keep unity in the church, so that its members reveal to the world a healthy religious experience. That unity is kept by conforming life to obedience to the commandments of God and being united in the faith of the Scriptures, by being bound together as one in Christ with lives hid with Christ in God, and by practicing kindness and tenderhearted forgiveness according to the golden rule of doing to others as one would have others do. Those who live this way bear a living and abiding testimony that the Father loves them even as He loves His Son, and their influence upon the unbelieving world is powerful because they appreciate God's great gift and show that Christ has not died for them in vain. They use the provision made by heaven at infinite cost to draw souls to obedience to the law of God, cooperating with the great Master Worker as laborers together with God and becoming partakers of the divine nature having escaped the corruption in the world through lust. Their consistent Christian lives in courtesy and unwavering fidelity, justice and mercy magnify the law of God and make it honorable, demonstrating to the world that the law of the Lord is perfect in converting the soul, and recommending obedience by behavior. In this they reach perfection of Christian character as God's husbandry and God's building, loving one another as Christ has loved and expressing the gospel in united testimony, embraced as members of one family having the unity that exists between the Father and the Son, loving one another as brethren and helping one another recover from suffering such as the burden of debt.

To love God supremely and neighbor as self forms a symmetrical character, producing under the working of the Holy Spirit a precious bond of union of brother with brother. That bond requires selfishness, self-sufficiency, self-esteem, jealousy, evil surmising, and evil-speaking to be put away, with all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and malice, and with no corrupt communication proceeding from the mouth but only what edifies and ministers grace, so as not to grieve the Holy Spirit. Each is to live and act individually before God, to give fellow laborers a place to work, and to encourage one another in practical life, and this instruction in kindness, tenderheartedness, and mutual forgiveness following God's forgiveness through Christ must be conscientiously carried out by everyone striving for the overcomer's reward.

Kindness supports harmony among God's children, who should be thankful for God's many mercies and united by the Spirit of Christ. Cherishing kindness, compassion, forbearance, meekness, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, hope, and love each day, while putting away differences, fault-finding, envy, jealousy, evil suspicion and speech, bitterness, impatience, and malice through grace received by faith, serves the unity of the disciples. That harmony and unity of the church bears witness to the world that God sent His Son to give grace, light, and truth. Those enlightened by God's Spirit and converted through the truth owe to everyone they meet, whether friend or foe, acquaintance or stranger, forgiveness and tender sympathy and love like Christ has shown them, and this spirit belongs to living out Christ's principles and the unity for which He prayed, with Christ's love in the heart driving out evil speech and bringing His approval in doing good to others.

Bible religion does not destroy human sympathy, and it is not weakness to be compassionate, for tenderheartedness is a gospel principle. Christ's teaching softens and subdues the soul, and truth received in the heart renews it. Those who love Jesus will love the people for whom He died. Joined with humility, courtesy, pity, and surrender of self rather than treating self as precious, this Christlike character in tenderheartedness and compassion toward one another brings peace and harmony instead of continual contention and discord that separates people and calls for conversion, shapes conduct by Christ's love shown in His death on the cross, and can lead many more people to accept the truth.

Speech and Daily Conduct

The gift of speech ranks among the highest endowments, and when the voice is improved its value is immeasurable, so words must build up hearers and impart grace rather than corrupt talk with bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking and malice. Gentleness and compassion with readiness to pardon others as God pardons through Christ belong to a sanctified life, and every word spoken under the sanctification of the Spirit has great value. Accusing words and speech that damage trust among believers stand against kindness, tenderheartedness and forgiveness patterned on God's forgiveness through Christ, and are inconsistent with Christian character.

Those sealed by the Holy Spirit unto the day of redemption must not grieve Him but must put away all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking and malice, and be kind, compassionate and forgiving because God for Christ's sake forgave them. This means workers with different callings must honor one another's assigned work, some training as medical missionaries and others as faithful ministers and shepherds to feed sheep and lambs and carry the last message of warning to cities and towns in all parts of the world. They are to grow up into Christ in love and in unity of faith rather than contending over differences in their lines of labor. God's workers are to love as brethren and be tenderhearted, pitiful, courteous, kind, patient and forgiving toward one another, with no rough or impatient words. Among Sanitarium workers this shapes fellowship by avoiding anything that causes alienation or strife and showing charity through a smile for each person, a tear over each fault, and gracious pardon for each mistake.

Men connected with God's institutions must not adopt the close, sharp, suspicious, jealous, avaricious, hard, unsympathetic and critical policy of worldly businessmen, but must meet God's great standard of righteousness and law of right and justice. They are to maintain a noble, generous, Christlike spirit in all business arrangements between Christians, especially between representative men of different branches of the same work, with kindness, compassion, love, liberality, true courtesy, meekness and lowliness of heart, unselfish interest seeking to advance the interest of the other, and fairness controlling councils and board meetings and every department, doing justice to the work and to the worker. Any sharp dealing in a single instance is an offense to God, as distinct from the Spirit of Christ as light is distinct from darkness. By the law of sowing and reaping selfish dealing provokes the same in return while liberality and courtesy are reflected back, and all deeds are registered in the books revealed in the scenes of judgment.

When God's people meet together to worship, kindness and tenderheartedness toward one another mean no one thrusts at another in testimony but each bears a full testimony to God and the Redeemer. This belongs with prayers that do not fall to the ground without marked results because heaven waits to hear requests to God.

Those wronged or misjudged should not retaliate but should be forgiving, kind, pitiful and merciful, bringing peace, with Christ's response to reviling and persecution as the example and with affliction itself able to teach these lessons. Christian thoughts, Christian words and Christian deportment reveal the divine completeness of Christ's character and His works put into the life, by being kindly affectioned toward one another and seeking to help, to strengthen and to bless those associated. This exercises tenderness, compassion, pity, mercy and the meekness of Christ instead of learning how to esteem self and receive honor from men, fulfills binding, far-reaching obligations to God and to fellow men, and meets the promise that the Lord will be merciful, tender and pitiful to those who are merciful and tender to others. Obeying it requires a fight with self so that self and selfishness shall not have the victory, with triumph and conquest through Christ. Toward those who go astray this means sympathy and tenderness expressed in words and decisions that heal and help rather than wound, oppress or drive them further from hope. Forgiveness and kindness toward those who have done wrong reflect the pitying love Christ has shown, which does not hide or excuse sin but cares for the erring without demanding that they meet a standard of perfection before showing them compassion. Severe, unsparing treatment is rebuked in favor of a spirit like Christ's, marked by pity, benevolence, courtesy and tenderheartedness. A brother who has erred is to be met with help and strengthening rather than coldness, seeking his restoration rather than risking the loss of his soul.

Daily consecration to God opens the heart to Jesus as simply as a child tells earthly parents its troubles, with a heart softened and subdued by the grace of Christ and full of sweetness, peace, thankfulness and praise. It refuses to speak evil or to listen to evil speaking about others, and refuses all complaining words and thoughts because they dishonor God. It holds self in low esteem and others in high esteem, talks of God's love, restrains evil in self and in others, lives to please God, and is patient, kind, tenderhearted, pitiful and courteous even toward those who are disagreeable. Living this way brings precious blessings that are lost by pride and self-esteem, and bears witness that a person is a child of God and not a child of the wicked one. Kindness, tenderheartedness and forgiving love are traits to cherish as people turn their thoughts away from themselves and treat others with courtesy and tender pity, and faith in Jesus leads believers to cherish brotherly love and tenderheartedness toward one another, bringing them into fellowship.

Home and Close Relationships

In marriage husband and wife are to train mind and heart to bear with one another's imperfect ways and manners, to show kindness to one another, and to shut out distrust and hatred. This kindness is duty under the marriage vow, not dependent on liking, and practicing it by an act of the will allows dead love to rise again and grow day by day until bitterness and disappointment are excluded. In married life this means guarding each other's feelings, speaking gently, yielding judgment to each other at times, keeping up small courtesies and cheerful encouraging words, and modulating even the tones of the voice to express only love, gentleness and mildness. It means never wounding with playful bantering, joking, censuring, or dictatorial, overbearing, arbitrary, irritable speech, which wounds, endangers peace, and can undermine happiness. Husband and wife who have given themselves wholly to God are thus to elevate one another by high principles in everyday conversation and private life, being careful and tender, forbearing, pitiful and courteous, watching words before speaking, and so making their own happiness and smoothing life's pathway for each other by conforming to the Word of God. A wife is to forgive her husband and change an unkind attitude, since keeping it does not please God. That forgiveness is shown by striving to be a dutiful, affectionate wife with kindness on her lips, which brings blessing, and this change of attitude is both possible and required.

Parents are to freely forgive children who yield to temptation and then repent, as they hope God will forgive them, guiding them kindly rather than with sternness or with greater severity because of shame caused. Tenderness, affection and forgiveness are to shape treatment of a wayward, erring child even when grieved, disappointed or dishonored, because such tenderness and forgiveness can break down barriers, soften a hardened heart, and help save from ruin. This calls for restraining irritability and speaking pleasantly rather than burdening children with fretful words or unfair blame, soothing children in distress with tender sympathy, and making allowance for children's changing moods just as parents expect allowance for their own. Mutual kindness and forbearance of this kind make the home a place of peace and welcome for holy angels. God's tender, pitying love and patience toward those who err is to lead parents to be kind, patient, forbearing and forgiving toward their children. Harshness and anger contradict that response and drive children's affection away, while patient counsel given with tender love shows that truth can transform those who receive it.

Family members are to treat one another with kindness and tender affection, with love expressed in a chaste, pure, dignified way through patient and kind words and actions. Each person in the family is to seek to please and make the others happy, avoiding hasty words and any appearance of lovelessness. Genuine kindness and amiability, not hollow courtesy or hypocrisy, are essential to completeness, though kindness cannot replace a holy life, and strife, bitterness, wrath, malice, fretful words, unfair blame and unkind words are incompatible with a home where Jesus is welcomed. Being kind, tender, forgiving and humble, with modesty, unassuming manners, courteousness and slowness to speak instead of forwardness, talkativeness and boldness, is becoming to women professing godliness and pleasing to God. Living in this character places around them a sacred circle of purity that shields from unwarrantable liberties and undue attention from men inside and outside the church. Those who deal with the young are to be tenderhearted, compassionate, courteous and affectionate rather than hardhearted. Kindness does not rule out correction, for reproof and even rebuke may be needed to stop wrongdoing.