Ephesians 5:23, commentary and pictures

The husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, and Christ is the Saviour of the body, which is the church. Marriage is appointed to represent the tender and sacred union of Christ with His redeemed people, and the gospel restores it from the corruption of sin to purity and beauty. The husband is therefore to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, nourishing and cherishing her as his own body with tenderness and wisdom and love, never with harsh control, dictatorial domination, or selfish abuse. The wife is in turn to submit to her own husband in everything as the church is subject to Christ, respecting, reverencing and loving him and yielding to his judgment except in matter of conscience, yet remaining his equal, lifelong companion and queen of the home, not a slave. Headship makes the husband the protector and house-band who binds the family together in unity and serves as its priest, which he can do only by himself submitting to Christ, while both husband and wife keep their individuality in mutual kindness, patience and self-sacrifice.

Meaning of the Comparison

Ephesians 5:23 declares that the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, and that Christ is the Saviour of the body, which is the church. This headship sets the pattern of holy love and harmony in which wives submit to their own husbands in everything as the church is subject to Christ, and husbands love and cherish their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. That love seeks to sanctify and cleanse her and to present her glorious, holy and without spot, wrinkle or blemish, loving her as his own body and nourishing and cherishing her even as the Lord cherishes the church, never being bitter against her. This mutual submitting of husband and wife to one another in the fear of God, in faithful self-sacrificing life together with the wife's respect and love, is the only way they can glorify God in their united life. It is instruction for the guidance of every married man and every married woman, calling for close searching of heart and for loving care modeled on Christ's relation to the church.

The subject is the marriage relationship and the duties of husbands and wives, not the identity of the Lamb's wife or the timing of the marriage of the Lamb. Marriage symbolizes the union of Christ and the church. That union is tender and sacred, a union with His redeemed people whom He purchased at Calvary, and the gospel works to restore marriage from sin's corruption to its purity and beauty. Headship therefore is not a claim to rule over or compel the wife, but calls both spouses to kindness and care while the wife respects and loves her husband and the husband cherishes his wife as Christ cherishes the church.

Headship means the husband is appointed as protector and as the house-band and bond that holds the family together, just as Christ is Head and Saviour of His mystical body. The wife rightly looks to him for love, sympathy, and help, especially in training the children, who are his as well as hers, so he shares equal concern for their welfare and is to provide support and guidance. He is to understand what shapes their lives and surroundings and to be governed by love and reverence for God and by His word, so he can guide them rightly. This headship does not justify dwelling on position, insisting on authority, quoting Scripture to enforce subjection, demanding the wife follow his plans as if infallible, or seeking respect and manliness by assertion. It means exercising power by imitating Christ, whose authority is exercised in wisdom and in all kindness and gentleness. As head he is to bind the family together into the unity symbolized by the unity of Christ and the church, and when he fails in that headship he breaks every tie of affection and the family is scattered in bitterness and hatred toward one another. If the wife has the same faulty mold of character as such a husband, woe is to the children, and the whole family becomes a blot upon the earth.

Husband's Christlike Leadership

Husbands are called to love their wives with the same self-giving love by which Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, for the purpose of sanctifying and cleansing it and presenting it to Himself glorious and holy without spot, wrinkle or blemish. That love is joined to headship itself, so that submission of the church to Christ and submission of wives to husbands stand together with the husband's duty to love, sanctify and present holy. When carried out fully this pattern makes marriage a relation of devoted love and care that keeps home life pure and elevated.

Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies and as part of themselves, nourishing and cherishing them even as the Lord cherishes the church. They are never to be bitter against their wives nor to degrade them by making them servants to uncontrolled passion. The same teaching requires the husband to be kind and affectionate, to love his wife as himself and to cherish her as Christ cherishes the church.

Christ's rule is wisdom and love, not harsh control or force, and a husband controlled by Christ's Spirit uses his authority with the same tenderness, kindness and gentleness. He requires from his wife only what will result in her good, just as Christ requires submission from the church, so that her subjection results only in rest and benefit. That Christlike love brings care and health, while selfish or sensual love that demands submission while indulging harmful passions is excluded.

Headship gives neither husband nor wife leave to plead for rulership, and it does not permit a dictatorial spirit, domination, tyrannical rule, or compelling obedience in all things. It does not permit overruling the wife's will by strong will power, compelling her to do as he wishes, or demanding that she do as he wishes. Husband and wife retain rights and individuality and are to live in mutual respect, kindness, patience, forbearance and self-sacrifice, with the husband cherishing his wife as Christ cherishes the church and respecting that she has a will of her own, determined never to grieve or injure her. A tyrannical, harsh or overbearing man cannot rightly demand that his wife submit to him in everything or claim headship in its true sense.

Headship does not give unlimited control and cannot rightly be used to justify selfish, sensual or harmful conduct. It does not authorize abuse of the wife's body, for the marriage vow does not authorize such abuse, and the wife belongs to the Lord and is responsible to honor God in body and spirit. It forbids degrading her as a servant to uncontrolled passions and forbids turning leadership in the bed chamber, where holy influence should preside, into rule by shameful animalism. Such animalism turns blessing into curse, makes the wife little better than a bed-servant to passion, corrupts bodies, wears out delicate organs, leads through loathsome practices to loathsome diseases and spread of disease, and teaches children iniquity.

A husband can represent Christ and be a saviour to his family, uplifting and caring for wife and children and binding the household together in love, only when he himself submits to Christ and follows His example. He is to study the words of Christ not to learn how complete his wife's subjection must be, but to gain Christ's mind and become purified, refined and fit to be lord of the household. He is to exercise power by imitating Christ, whose authority is exercised in wisdom and in all kindness and gentleness, rather than dwelling on position, quoting Scripture to enforce authority, insisting on his authority, or treating his plans as infallible.

Headship is a solemn responsibility to God rather than a place for criticism or overbearing rule, with the husband standing before the Lord as priest in his household. As priest of the household and in religious service he binds wife and children to his heart, sustaining his wife with large affections and afterward cooperating with her in wisely, tenderly and lovingly educating and training the children. He shares equal concern for the welfare of the children, who are his as well as hers, understanding what shapes their lives and surroundings and guiding them rightly under love and reverence for God. He watches and prays, keeps his soul in communion with God under the molding influence of the Holy Spirit, withstands temptation, regards the mother of his children as deserving of all kindness, tenderness and sympathy, and speaks no word of censure against her in their hearing.

Wife's Respectful Submission

Wives are to submit themselves to their own husbands in everything as unto the Lord, as the church is subject unto Christ, for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church and Saviour of the body. This is the plain duty of a wife, to be a blessing and comfort to him instead of dragging him down and embittering his life. It stands joined to the husband's duty to love his wife as his own body, to nourish and cherish her even as the Lord cherishes the church, to love her even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it to sanctify and cleanse it and present it to Himself glorious, holy and without spot, wrinkle or blemish, and never to be bitter against her or degrade her by making her a servant to uncontrolled passions. Their mutual submitting to one another in reverence for God is the only way they can glorify God in their united life, and this instruction is for the guidance of every married man and woman, calling for close searching of heart. These lessons are of the greatest importance yet practiced by but few, and if carried out fully they would bring great changes in families.

The wife is to respect, reverence and love her husband, while the husband loves and cherishes his wife, and this is God's ordained perfect love and perfect harmony marked by holy love. Their faithful, self-sacrificing life together is to glorify God, with the husband cherishing and supporting his wife as Christ cherishes and loves the church, and the wife as his companion sharing interest in their home. When those entering marriage pledge before the heavenly universe to love one another as God ordained and allow no unkindness to chill the home, home life is pure and elevated and garrisoned by holy love, and the warmth of true friendship and love binding husband and wife is a foretaste of heaven. Christ's divine love does not destroy human love but includes, refines, purifies, elevates, ennobles and trains it heavenward, so that united with the divine nature it bears precious fruit, for Jesus wants happy marriages and happy firesides. The husband as priest of the household binds wife and children to his heart, sustaining his wife with large affections before children are born and cooperating with her afterward in wisely, tenderly and lovingly educating them, and the family relation is thus sanctifying in its influence, with Christian homes conducted according to God's plan helping to form Christian character as a symbol of the great family above, parents and children uniting in loving service to Him who alone keeps human love pure and noble.

The wife is to be subject to her husband and yield to his judgment, views and reasonings where possible, and where they do not agree the preference belongs to the husband and she must yield to the head, except in a matter of conscience. God has placed wives subject to their husbands because the husband is the head of the house, and His Word gives the preference to the husband when agreement on what is not a matter of conscience cannot otherwise be reached. Living under this headship means speaking to the husband with reverence and not in a dictating, impatient tone as to a little boy, and such reverence guards the wife's influence and lifts others.

God has given the man the preference as head, so the wife is to obey her husband, leave father, mother, brothers, sisters and friends to cleave to him, love him better than anyone on earth, make his wishes her wishes, and live with him in harmony and happiness. This means being tender toward him, yielding in words, careful not to wound him by idle talk or provoking speech, sympathizing with and comforting him, and holding up his hands by kind words and prayers when he returns weary and opposed from labor rather than burdening him or requiring him to hold her up. She labors with him for God by keeping every hindrance out of his way, cheering and encouraging him, while he must not be bitter against her but love her as his own body, and having the eye single to the glory of God and serving Him with the whole heart does not wean the wife from her husband but draws her closer to him.

Submission includes calmly considering the husband's view as favorably as possible and yielding her own way even when his requirements seem unreasonable and conflict with her feelings, which prevents unhappiness and brings victory over temptation. Yielding to the husband she chose as counselor, adviser and protector does not lessen the wife's dignity, for she remains her husband's equal and lifelong companion, shares life's responsibilities, and owes him due respect. She is queen of the home and not a slave but part of a hallowed union, and in deep love she leans upon her husband, loving, respecting and counseling with him, while their pure, clean, holy affections testify to the world of a happy Christian home. Husband and wife stand equal before God with the same hope, amenable to God and under one Master, in the highest sense as brother and sister undivided in spirit, and her submission is fitting and brings rest and benefit when her husband is governed by Christ's Spirit, whose headship is wisdom and love, not force, requiring only what is for her good.

A wife's actions should not weaken her husband's influence, draw him down, or lead him to abandon the responsible position God gives him, which he is to maintain with meekness and decision. To lessen his influence or draw him down from this place displeases God, for undermining his role robs the home of its God-appointed order. If a wife utterly refuses her place and duty to respect and obey her husband and keep her marriage vow, and remains overbearing, unyielding and uncontrollable, she yields her temper and will to entire control by temptation and becomes more and more the sport of its temptations. Then her husband can do her no good by keeping her by his side but does himself incalculable harm, loses his manhood, is influenced and molded by her, becomes discouraged and unfitted for service, robs God of talents and influence, and risks spiritual ruin, so he is under no obligation to keep by his side one who will only torture his soul, and his best course is to take her home, leave her, and not be connected with her in any way until she learns her place and duties as a wife.

True love is expressed in loving obedience and self-control under God's authority, and a wife who acknowledges the position God has given her husband may become a child of God by resisting feeling and controlling words and actions, for without education in loving obedience and self-control a woman does not know what true love is or what spirit should actuate her and is disqualified for the place of a wife. Learning her duties as a wife belongs to respecting and obeying him as head and yielding in that obedience to the authority of God. The wife's submission to her husband's authority is a duty, while attempts to control him and to make him lose his God-given identity are condemned, and he is urged to preserve that identity.

Christ's Headship of Church

Christ is the great Head of the church and the unfailing dependence of His people, giving needed grace to those who seek Him for wisdom and instruction. The different workers and branches of the church are to act in harmony under His direction, as the members of a body work under one head. To be under His headship is to move in order under Him, to have meaning in everything done, and to follow the perfect and beautiful order of heaven in walking carefully before a great and holy God. Those in positions of responsibility are to work under His direction and follow His example in humility, meekness, forbearance, and lowliness of mind.

The relation between Christ and His church is very close and sacred, He the head and the church the body, He the bridegroom and the church the bride. Connection with Christ therefore involves connection with His church, making church relationship an obligation to be made plain to youth awakened to the claims of Christ. The church is organized for service, so in a life of service to Christ connection with the church is one of the first steps, and loyalty to Christ demands faithful performance of church duties as part of a training that, in a church imbued with the Master's life, leads directly to effort for the world without. Christ and His church are inseparable, so union with Him means connection with His church and with those appointed to lead out and bear the responsibilities of the work for the advancement and spread of the truth.

To neglect or despise those appointed helps is to reject the means ordained for the help, encouragement, and strength of His people, and to pass them by and think light must come directly with no other channel puts a person in danger of deception and overthrow. Wanting to become independent in this way is insubordination like that by which glorious angels, though beautiful and dependent on God for happiness, light, and intelligence, fell from their high estate. This appointed help is needed to discern spirits against the wiliness of Satan, especially when judgment, wisdom, and discrimination have been perverted by former connection with spiritualism. The church is to be under His control, and setting one's views against the faith of the body separates a person from that headship and discourages the church.

As great Head of the church He assigns ministers their work to be done with an eye single to the glory of God, not permitting an unconsecrated wife to influence and hinder them, gratify her inclinations, and carry out her will whether it advances or harms the cause. To yield in this way lets Satan work through her to destroy the husband's influence, weaken him, and draw him where Satan pleases. The church is His body and also the bride, the Lamb's wife, yet belonging outwardly to a church does not save, because personal faith in a personal Saviour brings the soul into spiritual union with Christ.

Saviour of the Body

Ephesians 5:23 teaches that Christ is the Saviour of the body, just as He is the Saviour of the soul. He saves the physical body as Restorer, Great Physician, Master Worker and Master Builder who works to preserve health and life. Men must come into line and work with Him rather than recklessly abuse His building, for God does His part but will not work a miracle to save those who do so.

Working with Him means observing regularity in eating, taking proper exercise, and heeding and observing the laws of health. All physicians especially must place themselves under His control and guidance and cooperate harmoniously with Him, using their knowledge rightly to save souls and bodies from death instead of working against His purposes and counterworking His plans.

Home and Church Practice

Husband and wife retain their rights and individuality, living together in mutual respect, kindness, patience, forbearance and self-sacrifice, mutually submitting to one another in reverence for God as the only way to glorify God in their united life. Headship gives neither party leave to plead for rulership, and does not permit a dictatorial spirit, domination, compelling the wife to do as the husband wishes, or overruling her will by strong will power. The husband is to cherish his wife as Christ cherishes the church, being patient, kind and forbearing, respecting that she has a will of her own, and determining never to grieve or injure her. The wife in her turn is to show respect for her husband, and both are to cherish kindness so that they retain each other's love and are a blessing to each other instead of a curse.

This instruction is for the guidance of every married man and every married woman, calling for close searching of heart. The duty of husbands and wives to one another is to be diligently studied in the Bible and faithfully practiced, giving encouragement instead of discouragement. These lessons are of the greatest importance yet practiced by but few, and if carried out fully they would bring great changes in families.

The family relation is sanctifying in its influence and a symbol of the great family above, with Christian homes established and conducted according to God's plan helping to form Christian character. Divine love does not destroy human love but includes it, refines and purifies it, elevates and ennobles it, and trains it heavenward, and only when united with the divine nature can human love bear its precious fruit. The warmth of true friendship and the love binding husband and wife is a foretaste of heaven, and Jesus desires happy marriages and happy firesides. When bride and bridegroom pledge before the heavenly universe to love one another as God ordained and allow no unkindness to chill the home, home life is pure and elevated and garrisoned by holy love.

The chapter's teaching is a call to practice God's word in the home and to order the home under God. Fathers and mothers are to guide, train and discipline their children in right habits and in the nurture and admonition of the Lord to win them to love of truth, with children under parents' control and parents under God's control. Neglect of home duties weakens the example to church and world and can hinder the church from being set in order and its light from shining.