Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;
Husbands are commanded to love their wives with the same self-giving, self-sacrificing love with which Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, cherishing and nourishing the wife as his own body as Christ cherishes the church. That headship gives no license for tyrannical rulership or harsh mastery, but requires the husband to be as a saviour, priest and houseband to his family after Christ's pattern, submitting himself to Christ in order to rightly lead. Christ's love so taught is love that laid down His precious life and blood on the cross to purchase the church and take away sin, enduring reviling without saving Himself lest the world be left to ruin. He gave Himself thus to sanctify and cleanse the church by the washing of water by the word through the Holy Spirit, that He might present it to Himself glorious and holy without spot or wrinkle. Marriage for life is the appointed symbol of that close, sacred and enduring union between Christ the Bridegroom and His blood-bought church, and is kept pure and happy only by daily cultivated, tender, courteous love that refines human affection by the divine.
Setting and Scope
Ephesians 5:25 stands within the passage on the duties of wives and husbands, commanding husbands to love their wives even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. That command is the counterpart to the wife's duty to submit to her own husband as unto the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church and Saviour of the body, with mutual submission in the fear of God as the standard by which husband and wife glorify God in united life and are one in Christ. The love required is self-sacrificing, self-giving love that nourishes and cherishes the wife as his own body, faithful so long as life lasts. Its subject is marital duty, illustrated and reinforced by the relation between Christ and the church, not a definition of the Lamb's bride or the timing of the marriage of the Lamb.
It is instruction for those who enter the marriage relation, of the greatest importance though practiced by few. It gives guidance for every married man and every married woman, calling for searching the heart as with a lighted candle, showing the husband in special favors, faithfulness, and living so his wife is happy and contented. It is to be diligently studied in the Bible without discouragement, together with the duty of parents to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and to win them to love of the truth. Carried out to the letter it would change families, and when heeded it makes home life pure and elevated, guarded by holy love.
It belongs with Ephesians 4 and Ephesians 6:10-18 as instruction to be heeded in holding unmoved the foundation of faith in the third angel's message against every effort of Satan to tear it up.
Christ Gave Himself
Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, giving His precious life and blood and laying down His life on the cross to take away sins, to purchase her, and to give repentant sinners life in Him so that nothing antagonistic to God remains in the heart. Though one with the Father He could at any moment have saved Himself and come down, but He endured taunts, reviling, mocking and cruelty without using His power against scoffers and persecutors, lest the world be left to the great apostate. He came to sanctify the whole man by the washing of water by the word and to present to Himself a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing but holy and without blame.
His love is a special, supreme regard above every other object on earth, so that nothing else in this world is so dear to God. Although the church appears enfeebled and defective, it remains the object of His supreme regard. He longs to clothe her with salvation and to have her share His glory. Because of that love He works in behalf of His covenant-keeping people, will not suffer them to become a reproach, purifies all who yield themselves to Him, and makes them a praise in the earth.
The church is the purchase of His blood, bought with the precious blood of His only begotten Son. She has no light of her own: Christ supplies and kindles its light, sustains it, and she must pass on and spread the glory she receives from God. No church shines by itself, but receives its light from Him and must spread that light to others.
His self-giving love is the pattern for Christian love — self-denying, self-sacrificing, diffusive love that seeks the happiness and good of others rather than self. That love proves the worth God places on each soul, for Christ loved the church and gave Himself to save every person. It teaches believers to humble themselves and to do self-denying work to save souls through evangelists, missionaries, religious periodicals, publications and the press. It teaches followers to expend no more for self than is necessary and to reject extravagant living, especially in home life and in work for God, because extravagance contradicts claimed Bible truth and required influence, while He gave Himself as a living sacrifice that His people might become pure, spotless, holy children of covenant promise.
Because of that love He will replenish, refine, ennoble and elevate the church so that it shall stand fast amid the corrupting influences of this world after living through persecution, conflict and darkness. His love gives the church divinely appointed men chosen to watch with jealous care and vigilant perseverance so that Satan's evil devices do not overthrow her, but she stands to promote the glory of God among men amid ever-present fierce conflict of mind against mind, principle against principle, truth against error, with men of experience doing their God-appointed work and watching for souls as those who must give account in the crisis already begun and soon to culminate. He works with mighty power through humble, faithful men, stays with them, cooperates with their faithful trusting efforts, gives them precious victories, strengthens them as they sanctify themselves to His service, and gives them success in arousing souls dead in trespasses and sins. He has made her the keeper of sacred, holy truth, and again and again He sends His Spirit to change His people and put a living, working principle in the church, though unconsecrated elements, carnal security and refusal to accept God's way of working rock the church to sleep, reject rich floods of light from heaven, and turn away the power and grace He longs to bestow.
The church is God's fortress and city of refuge in a revolted world and the theater of His grace where He delights to show mercy on human hearts. Working through His representative the Holy Spirit He effects transformations so wonderful that angels look on with astonishment and joy, and heaven is full of rejoicing when her members show compassion for one another and love one another as He has loved them. Betraying her sacred trust is treachery to Him. He would have a church that labors to separate evil from good, whose members will not knowingly tolerate wrongdoing but will expel it from their hearts and lives.
His love gives needed help to those who seek strength to develop Christlike character. His love does not excuse sin or bring prosperity while people persist in wrongdoing. Forgiveness comes through faithful repentance, and God does not cover evil with the robe of righteousness.
Christ Purifies the Church
Christ gave Himself for the church to sanctify and cleanse it by the washing of water by the word, giving Himself up to die on the cross to cleanse His people and keep them from all sin and pollution by the influence of the Holy Spirit, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, holy and without blemish, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. That self-giving love is the model and measure of a husband's love for his wife, instruction for all who enter the marriage relation, and when heeded to the letter it makes home life pure and elevated and guarded by holy love. The husband is thus to be as a saviour in his family after the pattern Christ sustains to the church, standing in noble God-given manhood to uplift wife and children, breathing a pure sweet atmosphere in the home, and cultivating the love of Jesus as an abiding principle rather than asserting claims to authority. The verse forbids a one-sided use that dwells only on the subjection of the wife, and requires the husband to study his own position in the family circle in the light of the cross of Calvary, to study Christ's words to have the mind of Christ, to devote time to study the Word that convinces of sin, to become a doer of the Lord's command, to overcome all wicked passions, and to show in deed and truth what makes for peace with courtesy and holy tender affection, sympathy, comfort and encouragement that keep minds peaceful and uplifted.
Sanctification by that cleansing is not merely outward appearance or conduct or show, but truth received in the heart and put into practice in the life, and Christ's followers are cleansed through obedience to the truth. He gave His precious life and blood that repentant sinners might have life in Him, came to take away sins so that nothing antagonistic to God remains in the heart, and purposes to sanctify the whole man. Therefore thorough daily conversion is essential, the carnal mind must not be allowed to work lest it overcome, and character must not be marred by unholy speech and unsanctified actions. When His grace is admitted into the heart it purifies every thought, regulates every desire and sweetens the disposition, and believers are to cooperate with Christ in this individual character purification without safely delaying it.
That cooperating work calls members to labor for perfection by overcoming the inclination to find fault and condemn, giving no place to accusation, thinking no evil and speaking no evil that discounts a brother and creates disaffection. Instead they are to speak only good words of comfort and healing that cement hearts, to clear difficulties by going directly and kindly to one thought to be wrong and in a kind compassionate manner pointing out the mistake, so that with Christ's help dissension is removed and members rejoice with evidence they are laborers together with God. His self-giving made it possible for men and women to become perfect by using every capability of their being for the glory of God, since God gave in Christ riches of grace and knowledge of His will. This purpose is fulfilled as they empty themselves of self and learn humility leaning on God for guidance, and His prayer is that all who believe through the disciples' word may be one as Father and Son are one, made perfect in one and sharing His glory so the world may believe and know the Father sent Him.
This love is the basis for the promise that He will present the church to Himself holy and without blemish, and those whom God loves become lovely in character. That presentation is precious to those waiting and watching for His appearing in the closing scenes of perilous times, for they will be ready when the Bridegroom comes and will go in with Him to the marriage, and that day will not overtake them as a thief. The verse therefore demands diligent heed with the day of the Lord right upon us, with no time to lose and no neglect of God's Word, and the grace of God must not be received in vain. Responding to God's mercy and compassion and love means loving one another as Christ has loved, and the verse stands as an example to follow in the great day of atonement in confessing to God and following Jesus' steps.
Marriage Pictures Union
Marriage is a union for life that pictures the tender, sacred, enduring union between Christ and His redeemed people, whom He purchased at Calvary, and the relation between Christ and His church is very close and sacred. The spirit Christ shows toward the church is the spirit husband and wife are to show toward each other, with the husband cherishing his wife as Christ cherishes the church. As Christ is head of the church and Saviour of its mystical body, the husband is to be head of his wife as her protector and as the bond holding the family together.
Christ is Bridegroom and husband and the church is His bride, whom He chose, loved, and gave Himself for, purchasing His people by shedding His blood and giving His life. In redeeming them He entered an eternal covenant with them like a husband betrothed to his bride, to redeem from all iniquity and purify a peculiar people zealous of good works. Those joined to Him are to wear the robe of His righteousness and keep their garments undefiled. He is head and the church is body, exercising authority with wisdom, kindness, and gentleness, which the husband is to imitate in protecting his wife and binding the family together rather than insisting on his position or treating his own plans as infallible.
Christ's people belong to Him in spiritual union through personal faith in Christ the personal Saviour, not merely through outward church membership, with each true believer a member of His body. The believer is joined to Jesus in spiritual wedlock, and this union is ground of assurance to be strong, press through obstacles, join hands with Him, follow where He leads, do whatever He says, and be taught by Him directly. Unfaithfulness by Christ's people toward Him is like a wife's unfaithfulness toward her husband.
Every husband and wife has individual responsibility to accept the gospel invitation and stay loyal to Christ, for identity cannot be submerged in the spouse nor the soul given into the spouse's keeping. No earthly marriage can excuse separation from Jesus or refusal of light, and if need be wife must forsake husband or husband wife to practice principle and manifest loyalty to God. Those reached become the church as the bride of Christ, married to Him and yoked with Him as Leader, clothed in the wedding garment of His righteousness which they must keep undefiled. The church married to Him shares His kingdom as joint heir with assurance of being loved as God loves His Son.
Connection with Christ therefore involves connection with His church, which is organized for service, and the obligation of church relationship, too often lightly regarded, needs to be made plain to youth awakened to the claims of Christ. Loyalty to Christ demands faithful performance of church duties as an important part of training, and in a church imbued with the Master's life this leads directly to effort for the world. God has joined believers to His church and to appointed leaders as means of help, encouragement, and strength, and to neglect or despise them seeking independence like the fallen angels perverts judgment and opens the way for deception, since without the church's help a person cannot always discern spirits.
Headship in Love
Headship never gives a husband leave to turn authority into rulership, to rule tyrannically, ignore personal rights, demand obedience to whims, or treat his wife as if she had no will of her own. It forbids a masterly, dictatorial, exacting, critical, coarse, rough, boisterous, egotistical, harsh and overbearing spirit, forbids compelling her, lording it over her, domineering over her, or insisting his own plans are infallible. Strong will is to be used as a blessing through self-denial and kindness, not as a curse through selfishness, honoring her will and individuality, treating her courteously, cherishing her as Christ cherishes the church and determined never to grieve or injure her. The Bible lays duties on him toward her as well as duties of her toward him, requiring mutual kindness in which he cherishes and she respects and loves, so that both retain each other's love.
He is to be as a saviour in his family after the pattern Christ sustains to the church, standing in noble, God-given manhood to uplift wife and children, breathing a pure sweet atmosphere in the home and cultivating the love of Jesus as an abiding principle rather than asserting claims to authority. He serves as houseband binding the family together into the unity symbolized by the unity of Christ and the church, and as priest of his home and in religious service, remaining faithful to his wife so long as life lasts. He can rightly claim the place of head and ask submission only when he himself submits to Christ and lives under Christ's rule. This self-sacrifice is the only way husband and wife glorify God in their united life, leading to truest happiness and highest perfection of character, with pure, clean, holy affections testifying to a happy Christian home.
He must study his own position in the family circle in the light of the cross of Calvary, where love meant giving of self as Jesus gave Himself up to die to cleanse and keep from all sin and pollution by the Holy Spirit. He must study Christ's words not to define how complete his wife's subjection must be but to have the mind of Christ and become purified, refined and fit to be lord of the household. That requires devoting time to study the Word of God, receiving the word that convinces of sin, and becoming a doer of the Lord's command. All wicked passions must be overcome, and in deed and in truth he is to do what makes for peace, with courtesy and holy tender affection, comforting, encouraging and sympathizing with wife and children in sorrow to keep their minds peaceful, elevated and uplifted unto perfection of character.
A tyrannical husband misrepresents Jesus, does not keep the way of the Lord, and is not a husband in the true meaning of the word. He fails to make himself lovable, cannot hold his wife's respect and affection, and makes marriage odious so she will not love him and may wish she had never married. By a narrow, contemptible, domineering, Nabal-like spirit he provokes wives and children to wrath and opens Satan's battlefield in the home. Instead of holding unity he breaks every tie of affection, and the family is scattered into bitterness and hatred, becoming a blot on the earth, with woe upon the children especially if the wife shares the same faulty mold. When married life is what it should be it represents life in heaven, and the Lord does not require the impossible but requires living by every word of God as doers and not hearers only.
Cherishing Love Daily
The husband is to love his wife with the self-giving, self-sacrificing, self-denying love by which Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, cherishing and nourishing her as his own body as Christ cherishes the church, faithful so long as life lasts. This love joined with mutual submission in the fear of God, and with the wife's submission as the church is subject to Christ as head and Saviour of the body, is the only way husband and wife glorify God in united life and are one in Christ, leading to truest happiness and highest perfection of character. Christ's spirit toward the church is the pattern for the spirit husband and wife are to show one another. It forbids degrading her by making her a servant to uncontrolled passions, and forbids endangering her health or destroying her strength through selfish conduct, requiring instead that he seek her spiritual and physical good. The instruction is of the greatest importance though practiced by few, and carried out to the letter it would change families.
That love is self-denying, diffusive love seeking the happiness and good of others rather than self, to be lived continually in daily home life from morning till night with Christ's holy character kept in view and prayed for as pattern. It shows itself in steady thoughtful care and constant effort to make the wife happy and contented, in special favors, affectionate words and deeds, kindness, tenderness, sympathy, unfailing affection, courtesy, gentleness, unselfishness and daily care that keeps love alive and flourishing. It values her as part of himself and gives attentive companionship, not merely passing feeling or regard for usefulness. It calls for utmost gentleness, for being careful, attentive, constant, faithful, compassionate and sympathetic, and for showing himself a faithful husband.
It includes tender courteous attention honoring the lifelong promise to love and respect her, with kindness directed to her rather than with improper familiarity to another woman. Keeping the vows while seeming cold does not satisfy a loving wife. The close bond calls for mutual forbearance, respect and religious principles in everyday conduct, while coldness and self-centeredness can let affection die and drive spouses apart.
No home can be happy without this cultivated love between husband and wife, deliberately cultivated also between parents and children. It requires putting away self-centeredness and quickly changing any home atmosphere where love is not manifested. It is part of the plan of salvation to transform the natural character and fashion it after the divine image, with grace received in the heart softening harshness and unkindness and subduing coarseness so courtesy is expressed in home life. It requires sharing fully the care and training of children and never speaking censure or disrespect of the wife in their hearing.
When heeded, home life becomes pure and elevated, guarded by holy love. Pure, clean, holy affections testify to a happy Christian home where the wife loves, respects and counsels with her husband as queen not slave, standing in deep love leaning upon him, with the husband as priest in religious service and houseband binding the family together. Such marriage love and true friendship is a foretaste of heaven, sanctifying and forming Christian character and symbolizing the great family above, kept pure and noble only by loving service to God, making home life a preparation for the family above. The marriage vow unites husband and wife as one, and belief in Christ makes them one in Him.
Divine love does not destroy human love but refines, purifies, elevates and ennobles it, and human love bears its precious fruit only when joined to the divine nature and directed heavenward. The husband is to cherish his wife and cooperate with her in wisely, tenderly, lovingly training children in perfect love and harmony, with large sustaining affection before their birth and after, allowing no unkindness to chill the home, the wife respecting and reverencing her husband and the father as priest binding wife and children to his heart.
Fulfilling this love requires genuine conversion, with life pure, sweet, peaceful and happy under the Holy Spirit's control in communion with God, Christ enthroned in the heart as root sustains tree, and the man as clay fashioned after Christ's similitude. It requires keeping the soul in God's love through watchfulness, prayer and communion even when trials arise, standing as priest in the household to withstand temptation and being molded to mold children's temperaments and characters for the Lord, living with the wife in sacred union as brother and sister in Christ under one Master undivided in spirit. A husband who has failed should change his ways, for his wife's love and forgiveness do not excuse his wrongs, and he must guard his wife as Christ guards the church, keep himself free from corruption, cultivate love so it lives and flourishes and give it expression, taking up neglected duties with even greater necessity after failure and sin.
Love Rejects Selfish Harm
Christlike love for a wife is not sensual gratification at her expense, and it never uses or endangers her for lust. To make her an instrument of lust or a servant to uncontrolled passions, degrading her or treating her as a slave to satisfy depraved passions, is not the pure holy love God recognizes in marriage but is contrary to sanctified love. It forbids indulging base passions in ways that harm his own body and bring debility or disease upon her while demanding her submission. Instead it cherishes and nourishes her as Christ cares for the church and as a man cares for his own body, seeking her spiritual and physical good, respecting her strength and service, and refusing to destroy the powers of either spouse.
That same love forbids violating the marriage vow and God's command by disregarding her health and happiness. It is violated when a husband adds burdens and cares through numerous offspring and frequent childbearing that exhaust her strength and destroy her powers. Such a course endangers her and can leave the children without the training they need.
It also forbids disrespecting her, exposing her faults, exalting self, withholding light from her, and being bitter against her. He must not permit children to disobey or disrespect their mother, nor speak censure or disrespect of his wife in their hearing, but must share fully the care and training of the children. He is to be a source of light, comfort and blessing to her, upholding her with kind sympathizing words, prayers, comfort, cheer and encouragement. God has given man preference as head and the wife is to obey, cleave to him above father, mother, sisters, brothers and friends, love him best and make his wishes hers in harmony and happiness, while he loves her as his own body with fond tender love. Teasing and fretting until impatient speech is provoked is wrong on both sides.
The wife is not her husband's property for him to order, wound and bruise in soul and body, nor his servant to dictate to and rule as a child with a masterly spirit. She is the property of Jesus Christ, bought with a price and ransomed with His blood, and Christ will demand wife and children at the husband's hand. A fierce, exacting, arbitrary, domineering course that treats wife and children as belonging soul and body to himself breaks the marriage vow to love and cherish her as his own flesh even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for salvation, and lets Satan work through him. Such irritation, accusation, jealousy and evil surmisings, misjudging and misinterpreting innocent words and actions, censuring, condemning and pronouncing guilty with words that fall like desolating hail, kills her deep affection for him and for the children she carried, nourished and nursed. It makes him miserable and drives her to desperation until she forgets God as her shield and retaliates in kind, so he only gets reflected back what he reflected upon her. If she loses her reason or her soul through his perverse course, the blood of her soul will be required at his hand. Had he loved her with tenderness she would have grown in spirit, in love and in Christian character without exhibitions of temper dethroning reason.
Instead he must guard his wife as Christ guards the church, keep himself free from corruption, cultivate love so it lives and flourishes, bring love into married life and give it expression, and take up neglected duties with even greater necessity after failure and sin. He is to win her through love not force, reflecting Christ's kindness and affection, and to cherish her with patience, kindness and forbearance determined never to grieve or injure her. This forbids a masterly, dictatorial spirit, compelling her, lording it over her, making a plea for rulership, insisting on position or treating his own plans as infallible, for Christ as head and Saviour of the body exercises authority with wisdom, kindness and gentleness. He must honor her will and individuality and rights, treat her courteously, and use strong will as blessing through self-denial and kindness rather than curse through selfishness, while she in turn respects and loves him so both retain each other's love.
Husbands are commanded to love their wives with the same self-giving, self-sacrificing love with which Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, cherishing and nourishing the wife as his own body as Christ cherishes the church. That headship gives no license for tyrannical rulership or harsh mastery, but requires the husband to be as a saviour, priest and houseband to his family after Christ's pattern, submitting himself to Christ in order to rightly lead. Christ's love so taught is love that laid down His precious life and blood on the cross to purchase the church and take away sin, enduring reviling without saving Himself lest the world be left to ruin. He gave Himself thus to sanctify and cleanse the church by the washing of water by the word through the Holy Spirit, that He might present it to Himself glorious and holy without spot or wrinkle. Marriage for life is the appointed symbol of that close, sacred and enduring union between Christ the Bridegroom and His blood-bought church, and is kept pure and happy only by daily cultivated, tender, courteous love that refines human affection by the divine.
Setting and Scope
Ephesians 5:25 stands within the passage on the duties of wives and husbands, commanding husbands to love their wives even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. That command is the counterpart to the wife's duty to submit to her own husband as unto the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church and Saviour of the body, with mutual submission in the fear of God as the standard by which husband and wife glorify God in united life and are one in Christ. The love required is self-sacrificing, self-giving love that nourishes and cherishes the wife as his own body, faithful so long as life lasts. Its subject is marital duty, illustrated and reinforced by the relation between Christ and the church, not a definition of the Lamb's bride or the timing of the marriage of the Lamb.
It is instruction for those who enter the marriage relation, of the greatest importance though practiced by few. It gives guidance for every married man and every married woman, calling for searching the heart as with a lighted candle, showing the husband in special favors, faithfulness, and living so his wife is happy and contented. It is to be diligently studied in the Bible without discouragement, together with the duty of parents to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord and to win them to love of the truth. Carried out to the letter it would change families, and when heeded it makes home life pure and elevated, guarded by holy love.
It belongs with Ephesians 4 and Ephesians 6:10-18 as instruction to be heeded in holding unmoved the foundation of faith in the third angel's message against every effort of Satan to tear it up.
Christ Gave Himself
Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, giving His precious life and blood and laying down His life on the cross to take away sins, to purchase her, and to give repentant sinners life in Him so that nothing antagonistic to God remains in the heart. Though one with the Father He could at any moment have saved Himself and come down, but He endured taunts, reviling, mocking and cruelty without using His power against scoffers and persecutors, lest the world be left to the great apostate. He came to sanctify the whole man by the washing of water by the word and to present to Himself a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing but holy and without blame.
His love is a special, supreme regard above every other object on earth, so that nothing else in this world is so dear to God. Although the church appears enfeebled and defective, it remains the object of His supreme regard. He longs to clothe her with salvation and to have her share His glory. Because of that love He works in behalf of His covenant-keeping people, will not suffer them to become a reproach, purifies all who yield themselves to Him, and makes them a praise in the earth.
The church is the purchase of His blood, bought with the precious blood of His only begotten Son. She has no light of her own: Christ supplies and kindles its light, sustains it, and she must pass on and spread the glory she receives from God. No church shines by itself, but receives its light from Him and must spread that light to others.
His self-giving love is the pattern for Christian love — self-denying, self-sacrificing, diffusive love that seeks the happiness and good of others rather than self. That love proves the worth God places on each soul, for Christ loved the church and gave Himself to save every person. It teaches believers to humble themselves and to do self-denying work to save souls through evangelists, missionaries, religious periodicals, publications and the press. It teaches followers to expend no more for self than is necessary and to reject extravagant living, especially in home life and in work for God, because extravagance contradicts claimed Bible truth and required influence, while He gave Himself as a living sacrifice that His people might become pure, spotless, holy children of covenant promise.
Because of that love He will replenish, refine, ennoble and elevate the church so that it shall stand fast amid the corrupting influences of this world after living through persecution, conflict and darkness. His love gives the church divinely appointed men chosen to watch with jealous care and vigilant perseverance so that Satan's evil devices do not overthrow her, but she stands to promote the glory of God among men amid ever-present fierce conflict of mind against mind, principle against principle, truth against error, with men of experience doing their God-appointed work and watching for souls as those who must give account in the crisis already begun and soon to culminate. He works with mighty power through humble, faithful men, stays with them, cooperates with their faithful trusting efforts, gives them precious victories, strengthens them as they sanctify themselves to His service, and gives them success in arousing souls dead in trespasses and sins. He has made her the keeper of sacred, holy truth, and again and again He sends His Spirit to change His people and put a living, working principle in the church, though unconsecrated elements, carnal security and refusal to accept God's way of working rock the church to sleep, reject rich floods of light from heaven, and turn away the power and grace He longs to bestow.
The church is God's fortress and city of refuge in a revolted world and the theater of His grace where He delights to show mercy on human hearts. Working through His representative the Holy Spirit He effects transformations so wonderful that angels look on with astonishment and joy, and heaven is full of rejoicing when her members show compassion for one another and love one another as He has loved them. Betraying her sacred trust is treachery to Him. He would have a church that labors to separate evil from good, whose members will not knowingly tolerate wrongdoing but will expel it from their hearts and lives.
His love gives needed help to those who seek strength to develop Christlike character. His love does not excuse sin or bring prosperity while people persist in wrongdoing. Forgiveness comes through faithful repentance, and God does not cover evil with the robe of righteousness.
Christ Purifies the Church
Christ gave Himself for the church to sanctify and cleanse it by the washing of water by the word, giving Himself up to die on the cross to cleanse His people and keep them from all sin and pollution by the influence of the Holy Spirit, that He might present it to Himself a glorious church, holy and without blemish, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. That self-giving love is the model and measure of a husband's love for his wife, instruction for all who enter the marriage relation, and when heeded to the letter it makes home life pure and elevated and guarded by holy love. The husband is thus to be as a saviour in his family after the pattern Christ sustains to the church, standing in noble God-given manhood to uplift wife and children, breathing a pure sweet atmosphere in the home, and cultivating the love of Jesus as an abiding principle rather than asserting claims to authority. The verse forbids a one-sided use that dwells only on the subjection of the wife, and requires the husband to study his own position in the family circle in the light of the cross of Calvary, to study Christ's words to have the mind of Christ, to devote time to study the Word that convinces of sin, to become a doer of the Lord's command, to overcome all wicked passions, and to show in deed and truth what makes for peace with courtesy and holy tender affection, sympathy, comfort and encouragement that keep minds peaceful and uplifted.
Sanctification by that cleansing is not merely outward appearance or conduct or show, but truth received in the heart and put into practice in the life, and Christ's followers are cleansed through obedience to the truth. He gave His precious life and blood that repentant sinners might have life in Him, came to take away sins so that nothing antagonistic to God remains in the heart, and purposes to sanctify the whole man. Therefore thorough daily conversion is essential, the carnal mind must not be allowed to work lest it overcome, and character must not be marred by unholy speech and unsanctified actions. When His grace is admitted into the heart it purifies every thought, regulates every desire and sweetens the disposition, and believers are to cooperate with Christ in this individual character purification without safely delaying it.
That cooperating work calls members to labor for perfection by overcoming the inclination to find fault and condemn, giving no place to accusation, thinking no evil and speaking no evil that discounts a brother and creates disaffection. Instead they are to speak only good words of comfort and healing that cement hearts, to clear difficulties by going directly and kindly to one thought to be wrong and in a kind compassionate manner pointing out the mistake, so that with Christ's help dissension is removed and members rejoice with evidence they are laborers together with God. His self-giving made it possible for men and women to become perfect by using every capability of their being for the glory of God, since God gave in Christ riches of grace and knowledge of His will. This purpose is fulfilled as they empty themselves of self and learn humility leaning on God for guidance, and His prayer is that all who believe through the disciples' word may be one as Father and Son are one, made perfect in one and sharing His glory so the world may believe and know the Father sent Him.
This love is the basis for the promise that He will present the church to Himself holy and without blemish, and those whom God loves become lovely in character. That presentation is precious to those waiting and watching for His appearing in the closing scenes of perilous times, for they will be ready when the Bridegroom comes and will go in with Him to the marriage, and that day will not overtake them as a thief. The verse therefore demands diligent heed with the day of the Lord right upon us, with no time to lose and no neglect of God's Word, and the grace of God must not be received in vain. Responding to God's mercy and compassion and love means loving one another as Christ has loved, and the verse stands as an example to follow in the great day of atonement in confessing to God and following Jesus' steps.
Marriage Pictures Union
Marriage is a union for life that pictures the tender, sacred, enduring union between Christ and His redeemed people, whom He purchased at Calvary, and the relation between Christ and His church is very close and sacred. The spirit Christ shows toward the church is the spirit husband and wife are to show toward each other, with the husband cherishing his wife as Christ cherishes the church. As Christ is head of the church and Saviour of its mystical body, the husband is to be head of his wife as her protector and as the bond holding the family together.
Christ is Bridegroom and husband and the church is His bride, whom He chose, loved, and gave Himself for, purchasing His people by shedding His blood and giving His life. In redeeming them He entered an eternal covenant with them like a husband betrothed to his bride, to redeem from all iniquity and purify a peculiar people zealous of good works. Those joined to Him are to wear the robe of His righteousness and keep their garments undefiled. He is head and the church is body, exercising authority with wisdom, kindness, and gentleness, which the husband is to imitate in protecting his wife and binding the family together rather than insisting on his position or treating his own plans as infallible.
Christ's people belong to Him in spiritual union through personal faith in Christ the personal Saviour, not merely through outward church membership, with each true believer a member of His body. The believer is joined to Jesus in spiritual wedlock, and this union is ground of assurance to be strong, press through obstacles, join hands with Him, follow where He leads, do whatever He says, and be taught by Him directly. Unfaithfulness by Christ's people toward Him is like a wife's unfaithfulness toward her husband.
Every husband and wife has individual responsibility to accept the gospel invitation and stay loyal to Christ, for identity cannot be submerged in the spouse nor the soul given into the spouse's keeping. No earthly marriage can excuse separation from Jesus or refusal of light, and if need be wife must forsake husband or husband wife to practice principle and manifest loyalty to God. Those reached become the church as the bride of Christ, married to Him and yoked with Him as Leader, clothed in the wedding garment of His righteousness which they must keep undefiled. The church married to Him shares His kingdom as joint heir with assurance of being loved as God loves His Son.
Connection with Christ therefore involves connection with His church, which is organized for service, and the obligation of church relationship, too often lightly regarded, needs to be made plain to youth awakened to the claims of Christ. Loyalty to Christ demands faithful performance of church duties as an important part of training, and in a church imbued with the Master's life this leads directly to effort for the world. God has joined believers to His church and to appointed leaders as means of help, encouragement, and strength, and to neglect or despise them seeking independence like the fallen angels perverts judgment and opens the way for deception, since without the church's help a person cannot always discern spirits.
Headship in Love
Headship never gives a husband leave to turn authority into rulership, to rule tyrannically, ignore personal rights, demand obedience to whims, or treat his wife as if she had no will of her own. It forbids a masterly, dictatorial, exacting, critical, coarse, rough, boisterous, egotistical, harsh and overbearing spirit, forbids compelling her, lording it over her, domineering over her, or insisting his own plans are infallible. Strong will is to be used as a blessing through self-denial and kindness, not as a curse through selfishness, honoring her will and individuality, treating her courteously, cherishing her as Christ cherishes the church and determined never to grieve or injure her. The Bible lays duties on him toward her as well as duties of her toward him, requiring mutual kindness in which he cherishes and she respects and loves, so that both retain each other's love.
He is to be as a saviour in his family after the pattern Christ sustains to the church, standing in noble, God-given manhood to uplift wife and children, breathing a pure sweet atmosphere in the home and cultivating the love of Jesus as an abiding principle rather than asserting claims to authority. He serves as houseband binding the family together into the unity symbolized by the unity of Christ and the church, and as priest of his home and in religious service, remaining faithful to his wife so long as life lasts. He can rightly claim the place of head and ask submission only when he himself submits to Christ and lives under Christ's rule. This self-sacrifice is the only way husband and wife glorify God in their united life, leading to truest happiness and highest perfection of character, with pure, clean, holy affections testifying to a happy Christian home.
He must study his own position in the family circle in the light of the cross of Calvary, where love meant giving of self as Jesus gave Himself up to die to cleanse and keep from all sin and pollution by the Holy Spirit. He must study Christ's words not to define how complete his wife's subjection must be but to have the mind of Christ and become purified, refined and fit to be lord of the household. That requires devoting time to study the Word of God, receiving the word that convinces of sin, and becoming a doer of the Lord's command. All wicked passions must be overcome, and in deed and in truth he is to do what makes for peace, with courtesy and holy tender affection, comforting, encouraging and sympathizing with wife and children in sorrow to keep their minds peaceful, elevated and uplifted unto perfection of character.
A tyrannical husband misrepresents Jesus, does not keep the way of the Lord, and is not a husband in the true meaning of the word. He fails to make himself lovable, cannot hold his wife's respect and affection, and makes marriage odious so she will not love him and may wish she had never married. By a narrow, contemptible, domineering, Nabal-like spirit he provokes wives and children to wrath and opens Satan's battlefield in the home. Instead of holding unity he breaks every tie of affection, and the family is scattered into bitterness and hatred, becoming a blot on the earth, with woe upon the children especially if the wife shares the same faulty mold. When married life is what it should be it represents life in heaven, and the Lord does not require the impossible but requires living by every word of God as doers and not hearers only.
Cherishing Love Daily
The husband is to love his wife with the self-giving, self-sacrificing, self-denying love by which Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it, cherishing and nourishing her as his own body as Christ cherishes the church, faithful so long as life lasts. This love joined with mutual submission in the fear of God, and with the wife's submission as the church is subject to Christ as head and Saviour of the body, is the only way husband and wife glorify God in united life and are one in Christ, leading to truest happiness and highest perfection of character. Christ's spirit toward the church is the pattern for the spirit husband and wife are to show one another. It forbids degrading her by making her a servant to uncontrolled passions, and forbids endangering her health or destroying her strength through selfish conduct, requiring instead that he seek her spiritual and physical good. The instruction is of the greatest importance though practiced by few, and carried out to the letter it would change families.
That love is self-denying, diffusive love seeking the happiness and good of others rather than self, to be lived continually in daily home life from morning till night with Christ's holy character kept in view and prayed for as pattern. It shows itself in steady thoughtful care and constant effort to make the wife happy and contented, in special favors, affectionate words and deeds, kindness, tenderness, sympathy, unfailing affection, courtesy, gentleness, unselfishness and daily care that keeps love alive and flourishing. It values her as part of himself and gives attentive companionship, not merely passing feeling or regard for usefulness. It calls for utmost gentleness, for being careful, attentive, constant, faithful, compassionate and sympathetic, and for showing himself a faithful husband.
It includes tender courteous attention honoring the lifelong promise to love and respect her, with kindness directed to her rather than with improper familiarity to another woman. Keeping the vows while seeming cold does not satisfy a loving wife. The close bond calls for mutual forbearance, respect and religious principles in everyday conduct, while coldness and self-centeredness can let affection die and drive spouses apart.
No home can be happy without this cultivated love between husband and wife, deliberately cultivated also between parents and children. It requires putting away self-centeredness and quickly changing any home atmosphere where love is not manifested. It is part of the plan of salvation to transform the natural character and fashion it after the divine image, with grace received in the heart softening harshness and unkindness and subduing coarseness so courtesy is expressed in home life. It requires sharing fully the care and training of children and never speaking censure or disrespect of the wife in their hearing.
When heeded, home life becomes pure and elevated, guarded by holy love. Pure, clean, holy affections testify to a happy Christian home where the wife loves, respects and counsels with her husband as queen not slave, standing in deep love leaning upon him, with the husband as priest in religious service and houseband binding the family together. Such marriage love and true friendship is a foretaste of heaven, sanctifying and forming Christian character and symbolizing the great family above, kept pure and noble only by loving service to God, making home life a preparation for the family above. The marriage vow unites husband and wife as one, and belief in Christ makes them one in Him.
Divine love does not destroy human love but refines, purifies, elevates and ennobles it, and human love bears its precious fruit only when joined to the divine nature and directed heavenward. The husband is to cherish his wife and cooperate with her in wisely, tenderly, lovingly training children in perfect love and harmony, with large sustaining affection before their birth and after, allowing no unkindness to chill the home, the wife respecting and reverencing her husband and the father as priest binding wife and children to his heart.
Fulfilling this love requires genuine conversion, with life pure, sweet, peaceful and happy under the Holy Spirit's control in communion with God, Christ enthroned in the heart as root sustains tree, and the man as clay fashioned after Christ's similitude. It requires keeping the soul in God's love through watchfulness, prayer and communion even when trials arise, standing as priest in the household to withstand temptation and being molded to mold children's temperaments and characters for the Lord, living with the wife in sacred union as brother and sister in Christ under one Master undivided in spirit. A husband who has failed should change his ways, for his wife's love and forgiveness do not excuse his wrongs, and he must guard his wife as Christ guards the church, keep himself free from corruption, cultivate love so it lives and flourishes and give it expression, taking up neglected duties with even greater necessity after failure and sin.
Love Rejects Selfish Harm
Christlike love for a wife is not sensual gratification at her expense, and it never uses or endangers her for lust. To make her an instrument of lust or a servant to uncontrolled passions, degrading her or treating her as a slave to satisfy depraved passions, is not the pure holy love God recognizes in marriage but is contrary to sanctified love. It forbids indulging base passions in ways that harm his own body and bring debility or disease upon her while demanding her submission. Instead it cherishes and nourishes her as Christ cares for the church and as a man cares for his own body, seeking her spiritual and physical good, respecting her strength and service, and refusing to destroy the powers of either spouse.
That same love forbids violating the marriage vow and God's command by disregarding her health and happiness. It is violated when a husband adds burdens and cares through numerous offspring and frequent childbearing that exhaust her strength and destroy her powers. Such a course endangers her and can leave the children without the training they need.
It also forbids disrespecting her, exposing her faults, exalting self, withholding light from her, and being bitter against her. He must not permit children to disobey or disrespect their mother, nor speak censure or disrespect of his wife in their hearing, but must share fully the care and training of the children. He is to be a source of light, comfort and blessing to her, upholding her with kind sympathizing words, prayers, comfort, cheer and encouragement. God has given man preference as head and the wife is to obey, cleave to him above father, mother, sisters, brothers and friends, love him best and make his wishes hers in harmony and happiness, while he loves her as his own body with fond tender love. Teasing and fretting until impatient speech is provoked is wrong on both sides.
The wife is not her husband's property for him to order, wound and bruise in soul and body, nor his servant to dictate to and rule as a child with a masterly spirit. She is the property of Jesus Christ, bought with a price and ransomed with His blood, and Christ will demand wife and children at the husband's hand. A fierce, exacting, arbitrary, domineering course that treats wife and children as belonging soul and body to himself breaks the marriage vow to love and cherish her as his own flesh even as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for salvation, and lets Satan work through him. Such irritation, accusation, jealousy and evil surmisings, misjudging and misinterpreting innocent words and actions, censuring, condemning and pronouncing guilty with words that fall like desolating hail, kills her deep affection for him and for the children she carried, nourished and nursed. It makes him miserable and drives her to desperation until she forgets God as her shield and retaliates in kind, so he only gets reflected back what he reflected upon her. If she loses her reason or her soul through his perverse course, the blood of her soul will be required at his hand. Had he loved her with tenderness she would have grown in spirit, in love and in Christian character without exhibitions of temper dethroning reason.
Instead he must guard his wife as Christ guards the church, keep himself free from corruption, cultivate love so it lives and flourishes, bring love into married life and give it expression, and take up neglected duties with even greater necessity after failure and sin. He is to win her through love not force, reflecting Christ's kindness and affection, and to cherish her with patience, kindness and forbearance determined never to grieve or injure her. This forbids a masterly, dictatorial spirit, compelling her, lording it over her, making a plea for rulership, insisting on position or treating his own plans as infallible, for Christ as head and Saviour of the body exercises authority with wisdom, kindness and gentleness. He must honor her will and individuality and rights, treat her courteously, and use strong will as blessing through self-denial and kindness rather than curse through selfishness, while she in turn respects and loves him so both retain each other's love.