Ephesians 5:33, commentary and pictures

Every husband in particular is commanded to love his wife as himself, as his own body and flesh to nourish and cherish, and the wife is commanded to reverence her husband with respect and honor. The husband stands as head of the wife even as Christ is head of the church, after the pattern of Christ who loved the church and gave Himself for it to sanctify and cleanse it and present it holy and without blemish. Marriage is a sacred covenant in which a man leaves father and mother and is joined to his wife as one flesh with shared interests in the home, a great mystery concerning Christ and the church in which the husband binds the family together in unity and the wife stands as queen of the home and partner, not a slave. That love must be refined, purified, elevated and ennobled by Christ into the same purified love He exercised toward His church, caring and cherishing with courtesy and tender sympathy, never domineering, provoking to wrath, degrading, scolding or finding fault. The wife's love and reverence answer to the husband's treatment and cannot be given if she is treated as a servant, and when both love and reverence are lived out to the letter the home is made pure and elevated and guarded by holy love into a foretaste and representation of heaven.

Words and Context

Nevertheless every husband in particular is commanded to love his wife even as himself, and the wife is commanded to reverence her husband, which is to respect and honor him. The love required is love as for his own body and flesh, nourishing and cherishing his wife even as the Lord cherishes the church. It follows the pattern of Christ who loved the church and gave Himself for it, to sanctify and cleanse it and to present it holy and without blemish, with the husband as head of the wife even as Christ is head of the church. Marriage oneness, in which a man leaves father and mother and is joined to his wife as one flesh, is a great mystery concerning Christ and the church, entered as solemn covenant to be as one with shared interests in the home. Obedience to God's law guards that affection and unity against strife and alienation, while heeding this instruction makes home life pure and elevated and guarded by holy love.

The husband's love is caring and cherishing, never domineering or provoking, and it never degrades his wife by making her a servant to uncontrolled passions. These lessons are of the greatest importance yet practiced by but few, and if carried out to the letter they would transform families. Human love in marriage is to be refined and ennobled by divine love, so that husband and wife cherish and support one another in perfect love and harmony. Their loving home life in this heavenly mold helps form Christian character and serves as a symbol of the family in heaven. Reverence means respect and honor, and the obligation is mutual in that the husband is also to respect his wife as part of living up to the Christian profession, while the wife honors her husband.

God makes the duties of husband and wife distinct and plain, with distinct responsibilities and characteristics for each. The verse belongs to the instruction in Ephesians 5 that ministers and church members are urged to study and practice, especially in neglected home duties. The husband is head of the family and stands as priest in his household, with responsibilities he cannot evade whether rich or poor, high or low, to do his full duty to wife and children. He must watch and pray, keep his soul in communion with God, remain under the molding of the Holy Spirit, and withstand temptation, looking upon the mother of his children as deserving of all kindness, tenderness, and sympathy. He must share the care and training of the children and speak no word of censure against her in the hearing of the children, just as the wife must reverence her husband and speak no disrespectful word against him in the presence of the children. Even when trials arise, husband and wife must keep their souls in the love of God, mutually share the responsibility of molding their children to develop characters God can approve, and live as sacred examples before them, for both have the same hope in Jesus Christ, both are amenable to God under one Master, and in the highest sense they are as brother and sister to each other, undivided in spirit in serving one Lord.

Christ and Marriage Union

The husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, and his love is to follow the pattern of Christ who loved the church and gave Himself for it to sanctify and cleanse it and present it holy and without blemish. Marriage is a sacred institution in which a man leaves father and mother and is joined to his wife as one flesh, and this oneness is a great mystery concerning Christ and the church. That joining is a solemn covenant to be as one, with shared interests in the home, and obedience to God's law guards affection and unity against strife and alienation. The marriage vow unites husband and wife as one, and their shared belief in Christ should also unite them in Him.

The husband is to be a house-band who binds the family together into the unity symbolized by the unity of Christ and the church. He serves his family as priest in religious life, leading his wife in a way that answers to God's purpose and binding wife and children to his heart. As priest of the household he sustains his wife with large affections, cooperates with her in wisely, tenderly and lovingly educating the children, watches and prays, keeps his soul in communion with God, stays under the molding of the Holy Spirit, withstands temptation, and does his full duty to wife and children whether rich or poor, high or low. The wife is queen of the home and partner in a sacred union, not a slave, who loves, respects, and counsels with her husband, and their pure and holy affections testify to the world of a happy Christian home. In the highest sense husband and wife with the same hope in Jesus Christ are as brother and sister, both amenable to God under one Master and undivided in spirit in serving one Lord, mutually sharing the responsibility of molding their children and living as sacred examples before them.

If the wife has the same mold of character as her husband, woe comes to the children and the whole family becomes a blot upon the earth. Instead of binding the family together, such a husband breaks every tie of affection, and the members of the family are scattered, filled with bitterness and hatred toward one another.

Love Lived at Home

Human love between husband and wife is included in divine love from Christ and must be refined, purified, elevated and ennobled by Him. It bears its precious fruit only when united with the divine nature and trained to grow heavenward. Perfect love and harmony are ordained for marriage, with husband and wife cherishing and supporting one another.

The husband's love is to be the purified, refined love Christ exercised toward His church, held with the mind of Christ. It overcomes all wicked passions and does the things that make for peace. It shows courtesy, holy tender affection, comfort, encouragement and sympathy in times of sorrow, seeking to keep minds peaceful, elevated and uplifted toward perfect character.

That love is caring and cherishing, never domineering and never provoking wife and children to wrath. No husband may degrade his wife by making her a servant to his uncontrolled passions. He is not to treat her as one to be dictated to, ordered about, scolded and found fault with, and he is never to show a narrow, contemptible, Nabal-like spirit that opens Satan's battlefield in the home.

The wife's love and reverence depend on the husband's treatment. She cannot give them if he treats her like a servant before the children, and such a course forces her to dislike him and even to hate him.

The wife is to consider it a blessing that her husband married her and provided a home for her, for God looks upon it this way. Speaking disrespectfully to her husband, both before company and alone, dishonors him. Such disrespect causes him to lose his own self-respect and to fall beneath the position God has qualified him to fill. Therefore father and mother must always be guarded in words and actions and speak no word of censure or disrespect against each other in the hearing of the children.

Heeding this instruction makes home life pure and elevated, guarded by holy love. Obedience to God's law guards affection and unity against strife and alienation, for marriage joins husband and wife in solemn covenant to be as one with shared interests in the home. Mutual love and reverence express the softened, courteous character formed by Christ's grace, with harshness softened and whatever is coarse and unkind subdued into courtesy in family life. Cultivated love making a happy home is expressed in affectionate words and actions rather than self-centeredness.

When lived out, this love and reverence give a foretaste of heaven, for the warmth of true friendship and the love binding husband and wife is a foretaste of heaven. Married life when it is what it should be is a representation of life in heaven. No unkindness is to be allowed to chill the home atmosphere, for bride and bridegroom pledge themselves in the presence of the heavenly universe to love one another as God ordained, and Jesus wants happy marriages and happy firesides.

The family relationship is sanctifying, and Christian homes conducted according to God's plan help form Christian character. Their pure and holy affections and happy Christian home testify to the world and serve as a symbol of the great family above. Parents united in Christ unite in loving service to Him who alone can keep human love pure and noble, cooperating wisely, tenderly and lovingly in educating their children. The same affectionate love is to be cultivated between parents and children rather than self-centeredness, a loveless home atmosphere is to be changed as quickly as possible, and father and mother must deal gently with erring children, remembering they are but grown-up children themselves easily stirred to envy, jealousy and evil surmisings who because of their own mistakes and errors must be tender.

These lessons are of the greatest importance yet practiced by but few, and if carried out to the letter they would transform families. Both husband and wife must be doers of the Word and not hearers only, living by every word that proceeds from God and thereby honoring their Redeemer in married life. This is possible because the Lord does not require what is impossible and nothing impossible is required.