Matthew 10:37, commentary and pictures

He that loves father or mother, son or daughter more than Christ is not worthy of Him, and loyalty to Christ must come first even when it requires standing apart from loved ones. That claim reaches beyond parents and children to brother and sister, husband and wife, friends, possessions and every other earthly tie, so that no relative, friend or earthly object may hold the place in the heart that belongs to God. It does not mean hating family or disregarding them, but recognizing His superior authority and choosing Him without hesitation when loyalties conflict, even at the cost of home and friendship. It demands the whole heart or nothing, with undivided affection and unconditional surrender that subordinates worldly interests and earthly affections to receiving Christ and His righteousness. Accepting Him therefore brings a cross and division, for when truth is presented some yield to the Holy Spirit and others refuse, so that foes arise in one's own household and discipleship must be counted, borne and followed rather than surrendering conviction to preserve family harmony.

Supreme Love Required

Love for Christ must be greater than love for father or mother and greater than love for son or daughter, and whoever loves family more than Christ is not worthy of Him. Loyalty to Christ must come first even when it requires standing apart from loved ones, disregarding no truth to keep their favor and choosing obedience over their approval. When one part of a family accepts Christ and another refuses to believe unto salvation, enmity arises between them, and in that conflict loyalty to Christ must rule. It is a warning to count the cost of coming after Christ, to deny self and take up the cross and follow Him rather than live a life of deception that deludes the soul. Following Him may require separating affections from relatives who refuse the claims of truth, and this self-denial is a cross to bear rather than a reason to reject discipleship, with those who choose Christ promised acceptance as God's children and heirs of an immortal inheritance.

No friend or relative may be so dear that a person will not sacrifice or leave them in order to obey and follow God, for loving them more than Jesus leaves a person unworthy of Him and with no part with Him. The same supremacy extends beyond parents and children to brother, sister, husband, wife, friends, possessions, and every other person and earthly claim, so that no earthly object, earthly being, friend, or relative may hold the place in the heart that belongs to God. The heart and affections must be surrendered to God without condition and without reserve. This loyalty requires willingness to go alone and cut clear from anyone who will not live godly and who hinders progress, obeying God even when it displeases the nearest and dearest friend, with the unbelief of relatives no excuse for neglecting duty. Pleasing unbelieving family or friends more than God causes loss of the soul and unworthiness to share Christ's glory, and such faithfulness means sharing Christ's rejection and suffering as He was rejected by His own nation, while natural ties between husband and wife and parents and children do not themselves have to be broken.

The heart's tendrils must be entwined about God rather than entwined around any earthly object or person and united to them so fast that they take the place of God. Love that is elated and carried away with joy by pleasures opened before it indulges impulse extravagantly until little things change the current of feeling to the opposite extreme and love dies out of the soul, showing lack of self-knowledge, with grief then becoming extreme at losing one who is loved, and the only hope is strong faith in God. Putting Christ first does not mean hating one's family, but recognizing His superior claim and authority. It does not call for disregard of relatives or friends, yet when loyalty to family conflicts with loyalty to the Saviour, a disciple must choose Christ without hesitation, even at the cost of home and friendship. Such conflict may bring painful division and ridicule, but family opposition is no excuse for refusing the gospel or turning from the truth in order to preserve family peace.

Love for relatives is proper, but it must not become blind or selfish or lead anyone to disregard truth in order to keep their favor, for choosing family approval over Jesus makes a person unworthy of Him. Those who refuse to forsake family for Jesus cannot rely on His protection in time of need but will be left to depend on the people they preferred to Him, while His sacrifice to save them calls for obedience and for preferring His favor above the comparatively small proofs of love given by earthly friends. God will have the whole heart or nothing and does not accept a divided heart. He requires undivided affection and unconditional surrender, with worldly interests and earthly affections made subordinate to receiving Christ and His righteousness, and with Christ's guidance and companionship valued above those of earthly friends so that family ties do not keep anyone from following Him.

Those who place family ties, former habits, or other earthly associations above obedience to God are less able to hear and obey Him and receive less instruction and knowledge of His purposes, for His servants must put His service above every earthly relationship and be wholly consecrated to Him. Loving God above wife or children or property and serving Him with undivided affection requires breaking loose from the world and making a determined effort to be true to the claims of God with earnest and sincere obedience, refusing to follow family influence away from God to the ruin of self and family. Failure to put God first leaves a person like a fruitless, dry and sapless branch to be cut off as worthless. This sacrifice is made possible here and now by a consecrated heart, for the heart governs the mind and when the heart is right there will be no trouble with the will. God's way and will must be preferred to one's own way and will, the unconsecrated will must be yielded, the will put under God's will, and even making a small sacrifice for Christ's sake rather than denying personal inclination shows whether that loyalty is real.

Division and the Cross

Receiving Christ and the truth brings division inside the family, with the part that refuses to believe unto salvation set at enmity with those who do believe, so that a person's foes become those of his own household. Accepting the message sent from heaven can separate believers from those who will not hear or believe it, for Christ said He came not to send peace on earth but a sword, to set a man at variance against his father and the daughter against her mother and the daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. For that saying He was accused of creating division in families and bringing dissension among neighbors and households.

The strife does not come from the gospel itself but from opposition to it. When truth is presented a cross is involved in accepting it, so some refuse it and turn away from the requirements of God while other members of the same family yield to the influence of the Holy Spirit and open their hearts to Jesus, and that different response divides the family. Those who turn away stop their ears, turn to fables, and refuse His yoke and burden, and then blame the truth-loving and obedient for disunion. Refusing the truth or making concession to the world to avoid that separation and remain bound with the world is unfaithfulness that leaves no room for His light.

The verse is a warning to count the cost of coming after Him, to deny self and take up the cross and follow in His footsteps, and not to live a life of deception that deludes the soul. Estrangement from dear earthly friends is among the hardest forms of persecution to bear, yet painful division, ridicule, trials and persecution must be borne rather than escaping hardship. Giving up convictions of truth to please relatives, preserve family harmony, or avoid the cross puts worldly peace above unity with Christ, and His words apply to His followers in every age. Disciples should not expect worldly honor or reward, but must be willing to share His sufferings.

Following may require separating affections from relatives who refuse the claims of truth and forsaking father, mother, sisters and brothers if need be, and this self-denial is a cross to bear, not a reason to reject discipleship. Attachment to people who oppose His truth can bind a person and leave them without the courage or independence to follow convictions of duty. Such conflict may bring painful division and ridicule, but family opposition is no excuse for refusing the gospel or turning from the truth. Those who choose Christ in that conflict are promised acceptance as God's children and heirs of an immortal inheritance.

The crisis of deciding to put Christ and the truth above family ties is especially trying when parents are kind and affectionate and have high hopes and have paid expense, and disappointing them can be harder to bear than personal suffering. Love for parents and regard for their hopes and outlay must not hold a person back from deciding to obey. Making that decision to follow God at any sacrifice requires grace and strength from above and courage to bear the cost and lift the cross.

In the final carrying of the message, after the arguments have been presented and the seed has been sown, the message goes not so much by argument as by the deep conviction of the Spirit of God. The rays of light penetrate everywhere and the truth is seen in its clearness. The honest children of God then sever the bands that have held them because truth is more precious than all besides, so that family connections and church relations are powerless to stay them from fully comprehending the truth and yielding obedience. Notwithstanding the agencies combined against the truth, a large number take their stand upon the Lord's side.

Consequences in Judgment

Loving father or mother or son or daughter more than Christ makes a person unworthy of Him and unworthy of His protection and love. Loving Christ more means choosing Him before the world and every earthly friend, leaving all to follow Him, denying self, enduring reproach for His sake, and esteeming His cross as greater riches than any worldly treasure. The opposite is seeking to save life and good name by dressing, talking, and acting like the world and uniting with professed Christians for influence and approval, serving the world, being ashamed of the cross, and studying personal convenience rather than the will of God. In the review of every case before Christ in the heavenly sanctuary, those who loved others more are pronounced unworthy, disowned with shame before the Father and holy angels, and lose their life beyond redemption. Their cherished name is missing from the book of life and placed in the book of death to be cut down by the destroying angel, while those who loved Christ more save their lives, have their names repeated by Christ and acknowledged as His jewels before the Father and heavenly host, are counted worthy of everlasting life, have every error and past sin blotted out and covered, and are marked on the forehead to be passed over unhurt.

Those who refuse to forsake family for Jesus cannot rely on His protection in time of need but will be left to depend on the people they preferred to Him. His sacrifice to save them calls for obedience and for preferring His favor above the comparatively small proofs of love given by earthly friends. Love for relatives is proper, but it must not become blind or selfish or lead anyone to disregard truth in order to keep their favor, for choosing family approval over Jesus makes a person unworthy of Him.

Choosing the favor of relatives or other people over Christ to avoid separation carries responsibility through eternity, and the neglected witness for truth and the obstacles placed before others are accounted for in the judgment. Natural affection does not excuse rejecting received light or dishonoring God, and such disobedience harms not only the chooser but also others influenced, neglected, or hindered by that witness. This applies especially to those who know the Sabbath is the memorial of creation yet abandon loyalty to it to avoid inconvenience or reproach, for they dishonor Christ and stand with His opponents rather than among the faithful in God's kingdom.

Those who choose Christ even when it requires separating affections from relatives who refuse the claims of truth bear a cross of self-denial rather than rejecting discipleship, and they are promised acceptance as God's children and heirs of an immortal inheritance. Loving God above wife or children or property and serving Him with undivided affection requires breaking loose from the world and making a determined effort to be true to the claims of God with earnest and sincere obedience, refusing to follow family influence away from God to the ruin of self and family. Failure to put God first leaves a person like a fruitless, dry and sapless branch to be cut off as worthless. The unbelief of brother, sister, father, mother, husband, wife, or children is no excuse for neglecting duty, and pleasing unbelieving family or friends more than God causes loss of the soul and being counted unworthy to share Christ's glory. Natural ties between husband and wife and parents and children do not have to be broken, but obedience to God and His truth must come first even if it displeases the nearest and dearest friend, sharing Christ's sufferings as He was rejected by His own nation, and it must be decided at once while there is still chance to get ready before Jesus leaves the most holy place.

Loyalty to Christ must take precedence over fear of family or love for relatives, and those once kept from hearing truth by husbands or parents embraced it when they heard it, finding truth more precious than life. Christ Himself does not create division in families, but truth working upon the human heart creates the division when truth is presented and a cross is involved in accepting it, so that some refuse and turn away from God's requirements while other members of the same family yield to the Holy Spirit and open their hearts to Jesus. Loving father or mother, son or daughter more than Christ is remaining in darkness and unbelief and choosing the world in order to avoid separation from neighbors and relatives who refuse light from heaven, while being worthy of Christ is choosing Christ over the world and keeping the binding law of God through His merits even when it separates from family.

Wholehearted Service to God

Love for Christ must take precedence over love for father, mother, son, or daughter, and over every other earthly claim, or a person is not worthy of Him. Every earthly interest, social claim, and family affection must be made subordinate to God's work of redemption, which His followers are to make paramount in life. Christ's own devotion and submission to His mission is the model, calling for the same submission in His followers and inspiring untiring, self-sacrificing effort for the good of others. Loyalty to Christ and His work must therefore come before love for family and every other earthly affection.

Those called to serve Him must be willing to make every sacrifice for the truth rather than let family ties or personal interests hinder obedience to His call. They must value that service above ties to relatives and other earthly associations, obeying God rather than allowing family influence, former habits, or personal interests to turn them from duty. Those who place family ties, former habits, or other earthly associations above obedience are less able to hear and obey Him and receive less instruction and knowledge of His purposes. The verse calls His servants to put His service above every earthly relationship and to be wholly consecrated to Him.

Some may be called to leave family and friends to serve, while others can serve alongside their families. In either case wholehearted service requires self-sacrifice, and no human plans may make God's will secondary when they conflict with family ties. Loving God supremely does not lessen love for family but makes that love fuller and joins family members in supporting and serving Christ.

Faithfulness in Family Life

Love for children must never take precedence over love for Christ, for to put a son's or daughter's approval or companionship before loyalty to Him is to be unworthy of Him. Accompanying and supporting daughters in theatrical performances and other pursuits that draw them away from God gives family affection precedence over Christ, demonstrates a divided heart, and works against Him rather than serving Him faithfully. Affection for a child never excuses leaving the path of duty, and any sacrifice required to stay in that path is small beside His sacrifice of His life to save.

Preserving a living connection with God is more important than keeping even a wife or children, and to sacrifice that connection for them is the unworthiness the verse condemns. This warning bears especially on unholy marriages, which God cannot bless or sanctify and which can ruin souls.

Marriage does not destroy individuality before God, for God has claims higher than any earthly claim. A believing wife bought by Christ's blood is not her own and must put her entire trust in God rather than yield her will, convictions, and conscience to a godless, overbearing husband. She should make the best of the marriage, treat her husband with tenderness, be kind, gentle, wise, unwearying and persevering in winning him, respect his wishes in all things she can without dishonoring God, make him as happy as she can without violating conscience, never retaliate, and answer provocation with silence. If he remains in rebellion this world is all the heaven he will have, yet she must not deprive herself of the privilege of assembling with God's people to please and gratify him, but must show her colors under Christ's banner as a soldier in His army, assemble whenever consistent, place herself where heaven's light shines, obey God's commandments and His specified will, and leave consequences with God. When a husband's requirements come between her and God she cannot obey him, for he cannot pay the ransom for her soul or save her from God's condemnation in the judgment if she dishonors Him. God wants such a trembling soul to flee to Him as a covert and as a great rock in a weary land, and He will strengthen and bless her faith, while her children remain susceptible to the influences of truth.

A wife and mother is faithful to her family by being faithful to God, and she must not disobey God to keep her husband's favor, to regain her home, or to remain with her children. This was illustrated by the woman who kept the Sabbath despite her husband's demand to abandon it, refusing to disobey God to regain her home while remaining willing to be a faithful wife and mother, and who returned home when he placed no restriction on her faith, showing that obedience to God does not mean rejecting family. Loyalty to Christ and obedience to truth must likewise come before attachment to children even when they are one's own, so that if children oppose the truth and resist obedience to its principles, allowing the Master's means to pass into their hands instead of using them wisely for God brings accountability for that stewardship. Love for Christ and allegiance to God must take precedence even over dearest family members in restraining sin, as Eli's failure to restrain his sons shows the danger of letting family affection interfere with loyalty to God, and ministers must therefore rebuke sin impartially even when those involved are close to them.