Biblical Conflict Resolution: The Matthew 18 Process

Matthew 18

1 At the same time came the disciples to Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?

2 And Jesus called a little child to him, and set him in the middle of them,

3 And said, Truly I say to you, Except you be converted, and become as little children, you shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

4 Whoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

5 And whoever shall receive one such little child in my name receives me.

6 But whoever shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

7 Woe to the world because of offenses! for it must needs be that offenses come; but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!

8 Why if your hand or your foot offend you, cut them off, and cast them from you: it is better for you to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.

9 And if your eye offend you, pluck it out, and cast it from you: it is better for you to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.

10 Take heed that you despise not one of these little ones; for I say to you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.

11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.

12 How think you? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, does he not leave the ninety and nine, and goes into the mountains, and seeks that which is gone astray?

13 And if so be that he find it, truly I say to you, he rejoices more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.

14 Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.

15 Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone: if he shall hear you, you have gained your brother.

16 But if he will not hear you, then take with you one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.

17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it to the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be to you as an heathen man and a publican.

18 Truly I say to you, Whatever you shall bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatever you shall loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.

19 Again I say to you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven.

20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the middle of them.

21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

22 Jesus says to him, I say not to you, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened to a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought to him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

25 But for as much as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.

27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellow servants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that you owe.

29 And his fellow servant fell down at his feet, and sought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.

30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

31 So when his fellow servants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told to their lord all that was done.

32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said to him, O you wicked servant, I forgave you all that debt, because you desired me:

33 Should not you also have had compassion on your fellow servant, even as I had pity on you?

34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due to him.

35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also to you, if you from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

The biblical method for resolving conflicts with a brother or sister in Christ is a clear, step-by-step process designed to restore the individual and preserve the unity of the church Matthew 18:15-18. This divine plan, often referred to as gospel order, emphasizes private reconciliation before involving others to prevent the spread of gossip and unnecessary strifeCCh 256.2+2.

Step 1: Private Labor 🤝

The first and most important step is to go to the person who has trespassed against you and discuss the fault between you and them alone Matthew 18:15.

• The Motive: The sole purpose of this visit is to recover and save your brother or sister, not to condemn or humiliate themTDC May 21, 1889, page 5.14+1.

• The Manner: You must approach them in a spirit of humility, meekness, and Christlike love, reasoning with them calmly and quietlyPaM 268.1+1.

• Self-Examination: Before going, you should examine your own heart to ensure you are spiritual and have the mind of God, as you may find the fault actually lies with you Galatians 6:1TDC May 21, 1889, page 5.14.

• Confidentiality: Do not tell others about the wrong, as "telling other people" is often the root of church trouble; instead, debate the cause with your neighbor himself and do not discover the secret to another Proverbs 25:8-9CCh 256.2+1.

Step 2: Taking Witnesses 👥

If the individual will not hear you after your private effort, you are to take one or two others with you Matthew 18:16.

• Spiritual Mindedness: Choose witnesses who are spiritually minded and can offer united appeals to help enlighten the mind of the one in errorCCh 257.2+1.

• The Purpose: These witnesses are there to establish every word and to see that the biblical process has been faithfully followedTDC May 21, 1889, page 5.14.

• Avoiding Prejudice: The witnesses should not be given a "coloring" of the matter beforehand so they can remain objective and help determine if the concern is validTDC May 21, 1889, page 5.14.

Step 3: Telling it to the Church ⛪

If the erring member neglects to hear the witnesses, the matter is then to be brought before the entire church body Matthew 18:17.

• Church Authority: The Lord has delegated power to the church as His instrumentality to settle questions of purity and orderGW 501.4.

• Collective Decision: Responsibility rests upon the church as a whole—not just a few people in a board meeting—to take action regarding its membersGW 500.3.

• The Goal of Unity: The individual is expected to submit to the judgment of the church to maintain peace and harmony15MR 129.3+1.

Step 4: Final Separation 🕊️

If the person refuses to hear the church, they are to be regarded as a "heathen man and a publican" Matthew 18:17.

• Status of Fellowship: This means they are separated from church fellowship and their name is stricken from the booksCCh 256.6+1.

• Continued Ministry: Treating someone as a heathen does not mean casting them off forever; rather, you should continue to work for their salvation just as you would for any other person who does not know ChristTDC May 21, 1889, page 5.14.

• Heavenly Ratification: When this process is followed strictly according to God's Word, the decisions made on earth are ratified in heaven Matthew 18:18GW 501.4+1.

By following these explicit rules, we protect the church from the "wine of false representation" and ensure that the "oil of love" removes the soreness caused by wrongsCCh 256.6+1.