Divine Counsel: Preparing for Marriage and Choosing a Partner

The choice of a life companion is one of the most vital decisions you will ever make, influencing your happiness and spiritual well-being both in this world and the world to come, and requiring the utmost seriousness, prayerfulness, and divine counselLYL 89.1+2. True love is a high and holy principle—calm, deep, wise, and discriminating—attracted by abiding qualities rather than mere external impulse or fleeting passionLYL 29.4.

Marriage is an institution established by the Creator Himself, designed to guard purity and happiness, provide for social needs, and elevate the physical, intellectual, and moral nature of humanityLYL 11.2. Heaven looks with pleasure upon a marriage formed with an earnest desire to conform to the instructions given in ScriptureLYL 40.2.

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Essential Preparation for Marriage (Self-Work)

Before considering marriage, young men and women must gain practical life experience that prepares them for its significant duties and burdensLYL 19.1+1. Focus on cultivating your character and ensuring that all capabilities and powers are sanctified and wholly devoted to GodLYL 41.1.

Spiritual and Emotional Maturity

• Seek Divine Guidance: You should not choose for yourself, but rather feel that God must choose for youLYL 39.2. No plans should be advanced without the knowledge that God approves the courseLYL 39.2.

• Develop Character: Let the Word of God be your guidebook so that your conduct and character are molded according to its requirements, pressing forward and upward to the Christian standardLYL 25.1.

• Maintain Individuality: Both men and women are given an identity and individuality by God, and neither should surrender their judgment or conscience to the control of the otherLYL 23.1+1.

• Purity and Self-Control: Preserve your body and soul, thoughts and purposes, pure and holyLYL 23.1. Everything that exaggerates the emotional and sensational tendencies into a predominating power must be avoided, especially since passions are strong and principles are easily endangeredLYL 41.1+1.

• Respect Parental Counsel: Children should confide their joys and sorrows in their parents and ask their advice when perplexedLYL 45.2. The love and approbation of God-fearing parents should be esteemed above every earthly blessingLYL 45.2. A child should not persist in pursuing a companion against the counsel and entreaties of wise parents, lest they suffer long-term consequences and fail to obey the command to honor their father and mother Exodus 20:12LYL 45.2+1.

Practical Readiness

• For Young Men: Boys should gain knowledge of household duties, as this training does not make them less manly; it makes them happier and more usefulLYL 19.1. This includes learning to make a bed, put a room in order, wash dishes, prepare a meal, and wash and repair their own clothingLYL 19.1.

• For Young Women: Many girls enter marriage with little practical knowledge of the duties of a wife and mother, being unable to cook, make good bread (which is essential to health), or cut and make garmentsLYL 19.1. This practical education in domestic duties is essential to making a happy homeLYL 21.1.

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Qualities to Seek in a Partner 💖

A sincere Christian will make no plans that God cannot approve, and every step toward a marriage alliance should be characterized by modesty, simplicity, sincerity, and an earnest purpose to please and honor GodLYL 89.1.

Spiritual Requirements (For Both)

The most critical factor is the spiritual agreement; this is a life-or-death questionLYL 81.5.

• Christian Commitment: You must seek one who loves and fears GodLYL 23.1. The prospective spouse must be obedient to Christ and willing to rank with the soldiers of the crossLYL 81.5.

• Shared Destiny: The couple must be able to glorify God through the union, be more spiritual, and lead more useful lives togetherLYL 21.1.

• Avoid the Unbelieving: There is an alarming indifference to God’s word regarding the marriage of Christians with unbelieversLYL 87.5. The fact that a person has not answered the claims of God and has neglected salvation is sufficient reason why such a union should not be consummatedLYL 89.1. Forming a union with an unbeliever, even one with an excellent moral character, generally leads to spiritual declension, dampening religious fervor, and often results in misery and opposition to religious privilegesLYL 89.1+3.

Character and Temperament (For Both)

• Moral Integrity: Seek one who is honest, diligent, and aspiring, possessing pure and manly traits of characterLYL 23.1.

• Love and Affection: True affection overlooks many mistakes and will not discern themLYL 23.1. Genuine love manifests unselfishness at all times by kind words and pleasant looks, leaving a fragrance that surrounds the soulLYL 16.4.

• Adaptability: Look for a companion who is willing to adapt to your disposition, ensuring you can avoid unpleasant differences and contentionsLYL 29.2.

• Prudence and Honor: Whosoever finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the Lord Proverbs 18:22+1. Marriage itself is honorable Hebrews 13:4.

Specifically for Young Men (Seeking a Wife)

• Supportive Influence: Seek one whose influence will ennoble and refine you, who is fitted to bear her share of life’s burdens, and who will make you happy in her loveLYL 19.1+1.

• Domestic Competence: She must be prudent, looking well to the ways of her household, and not eating the bread of idleness Proverbs 31:27LYL 19.1. A prudent wife is from the Lord Proverbs 19:14.

• Wisdom and Kindness: Her heart must allow her husband to trust safely in her, and she should open her mouth with wisdom, having the law of kindness on her tongue Proverbs 31:11+1LYL 19.1.

Specifically for Young Women (Seeking a Husband)

• Pure Record: Inquire into his past record: Is his life pureLYL 23.1?

• Noble Affection: The love he expresses should be of a noble, elevated character, not merely emotional fondnessLYL 23.1.

• Treatment of Family: A vital test is how he treats his mother: Does he respect and honor her and recognize his obligations to herLYL 23.1+1? If he does not respect his mother, he will not manifest respect, love, kindness, or attention toward his wifeLYL 23.1.

• Patience and Tenderness: He must possess strong and noble character mingled with tenderness, affection, patience, and forbearanceLYL 31.1. He must not be critical, overbearing, or dictatorialLYL 23.1. He should be one who will still love you after the novelty of marriage is overLYL 23.1.