Who Shall Bear the Burden of Training the Family? by MRS. J. O. CORLISS

Review and Herald Publishing Association · Takoma Park Station, Washington, D. C. · Jan 18, 1912

Who Shall Bear the Burden of Training the Family?

By MRS. J. O. CORLISS

MRS. J. O. CORLISS

WHEN the Lord saw that it was not good for man to be alone, and created a companion for him, Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Isha,” which is the Hebrew for woman or wife. Note the closeness of the relationship, “bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh.” “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” Gen. 2:23, 24. The Saviour recognized this unity when he answered the Pharisees who, tempting him, asked, “Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female?” Then he quoted the text just cited from Gen. 2:24, and added, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh.” Matt. 19:3-6. Paul also taught this unity, quoting Gen. 2:24 in these words: “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” Eph. 5:31.

Paul very explicitly sets forth the duties of those who are thus closely united, and shows how they should regard each other. He uses a very forcible illustration, showing that as Christ is the head of the church, and loved the church, and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it, that he might present it to himself a glorious church, so ought men to love their wives. And as the church is subject to Christ, so ought wives to be subject to their own husbands in everything. Eph. 5:22, 23.

But we hear some wife saying: “I will not be subject to any man. I love to have my own way too well to let a man rule over me.” But listen. Hear Paul still further on this point. “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it.” Eph. 5:28, 29. Can not we, as wives, submit to such husbands? Men who love their wives as themselves will not require of them any unjust thing. But that word “submit” means to set in order under; to harken submissively; to obey; that is, simply not to set up the will against that of a godly husband.

To such husbands and wives the command has been given: “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Prov. 22:6. This word train is commonly understood in the sense of to teach, and is supposed to include the entire education of the child. But there is a sense in which it may be used which will apply to the child long before it is capable of being taught as the word is generally used. Take for instance the babe in the mother’s arms. It can be trained to go to sleep in a dark room, or in a light one; to fall asleep quietly alone, or to be nursed or rocked to sleep; to take its food at regular intervals, or as it may happen; and a very young child may be trained to cry for what it wants, or to keep quiet till it secures it; and yet it can not understand any teaching concerning which is the proper thing to do. We may, therefore, define teaching as making one to know, and training as making one to do.

At this early age it would seem that the burden of training the child must necessarily fall on the mother, who has almost the constant handling of it. And yet the father may share the responsibility even at this early age of the child.

The father should second the efforts of the mother to train the child. But often parents disagree in regard to the manner of training their children, and talk their differences before them. By so doing the children quickly see that the parents are not united in their work, and this lessens the control of both parents over them. Never should a child get an idea that his parents do not think alike on any subject relating to him. All difference of opinion should be adjusted in the absence of the child, that the influence of both parents may be brought unitedly to bear upon it. It is no uncommon sight to see one parent undertake to correct a child, and the other call it away and protect it from the punishment. In this way the child is made to feel that an injustice was being done to it, and it is ready soon to do again that for which it was about to be corrected. Some mothers throw off the responsibility of training the children by threatening them with: “You must obey me, or I will tell your father.” In other instances the father will let the mother bear all the responsibility by giving the authority into her hands.

We can not think that this is as the Lord designed it should be. The fifth commandment makes it obligatory upon children to obey their parents, both of them. The apostle Paul in writing to the Colossians teaches the children the commandment in these words: “Children, obey your parents [both of them] in all things; for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord.” Col. 3:20.

It is apparent from the commandment itself, “Honor thy father and thy mother,” that the Lord designed parents to share the responsibility in the family; and the Lord never makes mistakes. It is too much to expect the mother of a large family to bear all the burden of directing and controlling the restless and impetuous minds of her children. She needs the influence of the strength and manliness of the father to sustain her, to give force to her efforts. And the father needs the gentle persuasiveness of the mother to make his efforts effectual.

Parents should be anxious to qualify themselves for their important work. They must be united in their methods of training, and study to know the best way. No two children in a family can be trained in just the same way. What will be the most effectual method for one, may prove entirely wrong for another. Each child must be studied, and trained according to its temperament. But obedience is required of the Lord from each child, and it is required of parents to secure it. The Word of God should be the rule in every household. The Lord commanded Israel to make his law the subject of conversation when they sat in the house, and when they walked by the way; when they lay down, and when they arose. Deut. 6:4-9. His Word was not to depart out of the mouth, but was

to be a subject of meditation day and night, in order that they might observe to do all that was written therein; then followed the promise: “Then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success.” Joshua 1:8. In this way the principles of right may be instilled into the minds of the family, and they will become strong to do them.

But it is not natural to love the Bible and its precious truths, and it is only through the influence of the example and the instruction of the parents to the children from babyhood that they can be taught to love it. No pains should be spared to teach the Bible whenever an opportunity is given; and this work, too, should be shared by the father and mother. Often the mother has cares that hinder her so she can not do the work at the proper time, or in the proper manner, when at the same time the father has moments that he would do well to devote to study with his little ones. His own soul would be fed, the children instructed, and the mother’s responsibilities lightened. Time can be gained for this work if we will take it; but like many other duties the will must be brought into operation in order to accomplish anything. Daily should the Word of God be studied in the family, and the Sabbath-school lessons afford a splendid guide to the mind in this work. Without doubt it is necessary that other important work should be neglected rather than this. The daily routine of domestic life pertains only to our present existence, and only affects the passing moment; but to neglect the study of the Word of God is to neglect the spiritual life, the daily growth of the spiritual body, without which there will be a failure in growing up into our living Head.

The life we now have is given us in which to prepare for the higher and better life, and as mothers we should study both to train and to teach our children from earliest infancy in reference to this fact. “The greatest and best of men have confessed their indebtedness to their mothers; and doubtless not a few have enshrined in their character, and have wrought out in their life, inspirations which had thrilled their mothers’ natures from early girlhood.”

How important it is then that our girls should be carefully trained to lofty thoughts and pure imaginings, that shall in after days reappear in the strongest, fairest characters; and how necessary it is that young women should carefully watch their hearts, restraining what is vain and evil, and ever reaching out after whatsoever things are true, just, pure, lovely, and of good report, not only in outward appearance, but in the inner chambers of the heart; for there the formative influences are ever brooding.

Few of us realize the immense importance attached to the education of our girls. Those who bear the children largely make our times. It is said that “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” Whatever may be the principles of the mother, she will teach them to her sons and daughters, and they in turn will instil them into the hearts of their children, and it is in this way that society is formed, governments controlled, and, most serious of all the consequences, souls are ruined or saved.

But some one may ask: “Who is sufficient for these things?” The answer comes to us in the words of Jesus to the apostle Paul when he besought the Saviour for help: “My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor. 12:9. Also in James we have the promise recorded, “If any of you lack [or want] wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” James 1:5.

Mothers, it is our privilege to lift up our hearts to God, and in simple, childlike faith claim these promises, and then take the help he has so freely offered.

Mountain View, Cal.