p. 261 | ANSWER by S. M. L. H.

Seventh-day Adventist Publishing Association · Battle Creek, Mich. · Apr 24, 1900

ANSWER

By S. M. L. H.

I am indeed glad you have made it my privilege to write to you; for it gives me much satisfaction to know that the lines which I write will not be unnoticed. I am grateful to my Father for raising you up to do the work you are doing. But I must confess to you that all the while you were talking on the raising of children, I could easily say amen, also while you were talking on the home, or rather on the marriage relation, till you said that there is no reason why one should be divorced. That came so near home to my heart that it almost crushed me. From that time on till the close of the meeting I was very rebellious. I said, “I wish I had never come to camp-meeting, and that I had never heard of Sister Henry.” I continued to grow worse and worse, and for one week could neither eat nor sleep. I said that I would die before I would acknowledge to my divorced husband that I had done wrong in being separated from him. Last Sabbath I felt that I was at a place where I must decide that day whether I would confess my wrong, ask forgiveness, or give up in despair and be lost. I told our elder, who was at camp-meeting and heard the message, my state of mind, and with four others we sought God earnestly for power and guidance in the matter.

Before this time I had read the Bible and Testimonies most constantly since the camp-meeting, to see if you were not mistaken; but instead, I found positive proof that you were right, such as 1 Cor. 6: 16, etc. Then I read 1 Cor. 7: 10–16. Verse 15 brought such a crushing weight upon me that I could scarcely breathe at times, as I remembered that I compelled my husband to leave against his will. I told him that he could not abide under my roof any longer. Therefore God did not call me to peace, and I felt under bondage. Then I read that we were one flesh,—“No more twain, but one flesh,”—and on down to the ninth verse of the nineteenth chapter of Matthew, where it says, “Whosoever marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” This again brought condemnation to my soul; for my divorced husband is married again. I have heretofore felt so mean toward them both that I could not be happy in Jesus; but since I have read this in this light, it has taken all hatred out of my heart; and for the first time in my life I have had the weight of that awful sin laid on my heart, as if I had done it myself; for I feel that in driving my husband out I caused the whole thing—the woman living with him to live in sin also. What makes it worse is that my husband pleaded earnestly with me to the very last for me not to be divorced; and if I would not be his wife, to just let him provide for me and the children, and let him come to see us once in a while, if I would not let him live in the house. I would not even allow this. I thought he had so disgraced me and the children that I could never face the world and recognize him. Then after I was divorced, he made the same propositions repeatedly until a few days before he was married. He said he never would marry if he could support us and come to see us.

I feel that I am a far worse sinner in God's sight than ever my husband was. I was so proud, stubborn, and unforgiving. A better man to wife and children never lived. I have always said this, because it was, and is, true. No man ever provided better. I never knew what it was to want, and never expected to work only as I desired for my own amusement. In the divorce he was prohibited from ever coming on my place, or visiting the children.

Not only has the weight of these things come upon me, but the salvation of his family. I now believe I know how Jesus felt when in the garden of Gethsemane, when all our sins were laid upon him; and now I can have compassion in the way he does.

As I said before, last Sabbath I felt that I must decide that day what I would do. After facing the thought of being shot by the present wife, the disgrace and loss of all my friends, I promised to follow my convictions and ask forgiveness. To do this I must go to —, for I felt it too sacred a thing to write on paper. I went to my husband's mother, and to all the family, and confessed and asked forgiveness wherein I had wronged them. I found that not a weight had been laid upon me in vain. His mother told me that she could not tell me how it had all hurt her, and that when the trouble began, she was almost ready to accept the Sabbath and all our faith, but had held back, stumbling over me. She also said that the rest of the family were stumbling over me, and that whenever the subject of religion was brought up, it would result in a finger being pointed at me. They were all very kind to me, and forgave me with tears in their eyes. I went to my husband and the woman with whom he is living, and the Lord worked marvelously. They both forgave me, but it took grace, faith, and consecration to stand it. I was not treated the best—far from it; but the Lord gave the victory, and finally gave me a hearing. I told them I had not come to separate them, but to ask forgiveness from both, and to tell them what things the Lord had caused me to suffer because of this trouble. What is right to do in our case? I felt humiliated to the ground, and thought that my friends and neighbors would all turn against me; but as I have told them what I have done, and read the Scriptures to them, every one promises to stand by me. More than one has said, with tears in her eyes, “Oh, why don't the ministers preach these things? They are so plain, and would stop so much trouble.” One neighbor said that she had been wishing one of her sisters would get a divorce from her husband, but now she was going to show her the scriptures on that subject, and do her part to make her sister and brother-in-law happy.

I feel as Moses did about Israel when he wanted to be blotted out with them if they were not saved. If my husband is not saved, I want my name blotted out too. Oh what shall I do? Pray for us.

ANSWER

It is of no use to indulge in vain regrets for that which is past, and which can not be repaired. The only thing now is, by a true repentance and confession, such as will fully satisfy the conviction that God writes upon your heart, and a genuine faith in him who has given you light, to obtain victory over this work of Satan in your home, and relief from the burden. This you must have in order to have any strength to go forward in the difficult way in which you must walk.

You ask my advice concerning the future. This I can not give. You must obtain instruction directly from the Spirit and word of God. I would not venture to indicate by one word what ought to be your course. It is your privilege to come into that relation to the Spirit of God that you will know for yourself. Instruction first hand from the Great Teacher is to be obtained if possible. Anything that comes second hand loses at least a portion of its value and reliability.

The only thing that I can do is to advise great deliberation; no hasty movements of any description. See that you do not lay up for yourself further regrets by any step that you may take.

I am sure that as you have been led thus far, you will find the Lord at your right hand continually. He will not show too many steps in advance; but step by step, as you study to know what the will of the Lord is with a willingness to walk according to it, he will lead you. But remember that self must be utterly crucified.

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Your letter of October 2 is at hand. I am glad that you have obtained so correct a view of the subject in which you are so deeply interested. Anything in human life that is not in perfect harmony with the principles upon which the home and social conditions were to have been arranged in the beginning, has simply been tolerated by the Lord because of the inability of men and women to comprehend the truth, and through his fatherly mercy, his desire to give us an opportunity to learn what is his will. While he is very lenient with every person who is stumbling along in darkness, he requires perfect conformity to all that has been seen as truth and righteousness. There are times of ignorance, and there are conditions of ignorance, at which God winks; but when the light comes, he requires every man and woman to repent.

You ask me to explain Deut. 24: 1–4. It needs no explanation. It means exactly what it says. All the conditions by which a man and woman are permitted to separate and are ever permitted to marry again, are because of their blindness and hardness of heart, and their neglect to understand the principles of the gospel as they were taught from the beginning; but the condition that is made concerning this matter in verse 4, and also as it is repeated in Jer. 3: 1, is given as a check to this iniquitous and ruinous social possibility; and I believe that God would forever recognize such commingling of men and women in the marriage relation as abominable.

In my former letter to you, if you still have it, and refer to it, you will see that I decline to give you any advice. I told you that it was your privilege to know directly from the word and Spirit of God what he would have you and your discarded husband do. You have in these scriptures — Deut. 24: 4; Jer. 3: 1 — as plain a statement concerning the mind of God in this matter as could be put into words; and everything in the future, both for yourself and him, will depend upon whether you love God and the principles of truth and purity and eternal life better than you do the passing comforts and pleasures of this world. There is nothing left for two persons situated as you are but to bring forth fruits meet for repentance, such as will bring you into perfect harmony with God's pure thought of the family relation.

I would not have said this much to you if you had not asked for an explanation of this very plain scripture. It needs no explanation. Whatever provision God makes for the hardness of man's heart is only to make it possible for him eventually to come into clearer light, where he will see the truth as it abides forever in the mind of the eternal Judge of all men.

In Jer. 3: 1 you will find the unsavory name that God gives to the act that is contemplated in a former husband taking his wife again after she has lived with another man. I can say no more without going further in the matter of determining this question for you than I feel warranted in doing. Whatever is done must be through the enlightenment of your own heart and mind by the Spirit of God and his word. But I enjoin upon you to be true to God and his word as you value your soul's salvation, and the salvation of the man who has been your husband, and also the salvation of your children, who are to be educated through the solution of this domestic problem so that they will know purity from impurity, and learn to fear to offend God.

I will refer you to the confession and promise found in Jer. 3: 25 and 4: 1; and as you take both of these into your heart, you will be comforted of the Lord.

It was right of you to go to the home of this man and make confession to him and his present companion. In that you followed the Spirit of the Lord. Follow this Spirit as he abides in his word forever, and you will have peace; but peace must come through crucifixion of self.

I do not think I will write to Mr. —. I will instead ask you to send him this letter, or to write to him yourself, making extracts from it which will cover the question that he has asked.

You must settle this question each for yourselves before God; but remember that this woman, who is not a Christian, who is in danger of falling to the ground and to eternal death between you two, is upon your souls. Her blood will be upon you if you fail to do that which God clearly indicates is right. Mr. —'s relation to you and to her he must himself settle with Him to whom alone he has to answer.

If you are burdened for the salvation of your husband instead of for your own personal relief from the consequences of sin, the Lord will not leave you to carry your burden alone. You say that you are trusting in God, and fear no evil. No evil can come to you so long as you trust and obey God; for all things work together for good to them who love him. The scriptures that have been brought to your mind may be your comfort. You have taken up a deadly thing into your hand; but if you will truly follow the light, and breathe it in as God will give it to you, you will not be poisoned by it, and he will be with you to the end if you follow him.

S. M. L. H.